Monday, December 8, 2008

update, psychic, my views, karma, etc.

It's like a week later right? Last week around thanksgiving I kinda conquered my fear.. I haven't wrote about in any of my blogs, I think? well not like putting it out there.. it actually to overwhelming and for me and my a.d.d I would have been all over the place lol, plus it's about a relationship that is like a novela.. and It's not fair to dish out the twists and turns especially when the person can't have their say.

anywho.. I kinda slipped last week and let my emotions come back BUT that was a 1 day thing and I'm good now.

My period took a toll on me.. talk about hormones and fucken bitchiness!!!!

Janice did a healing energy of sorts, and really like confirmed stuff I have always wondered about. I am really into psychic abilities and spiritual stuff.. I am just a beginner, I haven't researched, nor really studied

I don't think this is something I shouldnt share.. but I'm going to post a little of what she sayed ...She really went into great detail this is just a small part of what she wrote.

A) Wow, I have great news. You are a WARRIOR GODDESS (yay!!! like me! That's probably why you ended up in my life)!!! You are supposed to be a lightworker too!!! This is great because you have a big mission in life and a great life purpose. You have a gift for communicating and that's part of your life purpose. Delivering messages to help other people and you are a warrior.

They said that new psychic and spiritual experiences will start/ are changing the way you view the world and yourself. To please allow your spiritual gifts to open- through study, prayer and meditation. The angels straight up said, "Its NOT your imagination. You really ARE psychic." They say to not be afraid of your gifts and to please continue opening up to them so you can start embracing your life purpose. The angels will help remove any fears you may have of being spiritually gifted if you choose to open up.

There is more but I don't want to disclose that.


I have always known since I was a little girl!!!!! I have an impeccable memory. I can literally tell you memories from when I was like 4? I can tell you dates, times, what I wore from years back. I can tell you exactly what I was doing a year ago, what I was wearing, events, it's like a blessing and a curse. Seriously. My mind is always racing.

So when I was younger it started with I love Lucy episodes.. I would think about an episode and a couple days later it would be on. I remember being in a therapy session with my mom at like 9 years old? and everything the guy sayed I would in my mind say it along with him. I didn't know what he was going to say it before him, I knew the next word he would say.. it was weird. I can't say it out loud, just in my head I can follow.

This has happened for ever.. I think I watch a lot of t.v thats why I use the predicting episodes reference..

in the last few years I have been able to .. for example.. make it a point to speak to someone who doesn't like me.. usually cause they have never spoke to me, or came at me stupid thinking I was intimidating, cocky, conceited or maybe would never give them the time of day?...

I speak to them, get a feel for what their vibe is like and can tell what their character is.. what their life was like without even having them speak about it. And 99% of the time either they want to go out with me or they turn out to be mad cool with me.

funny thing is when I'm into someone .. that rarely happens! I kinda do what other people do.. ignore the warning signs, the red flags and obvious SIGNS! Now, I get it and I see the bullshit, and I can see what others don't.. not cause I'm special cuz I don't mean it like that, I mean like if my friend is dating someone and something isn't right you call them on it.. like I'm sure you guys can spot out something someone can't because it really is like the outside looking in...

I have always thought of someone or they just like pop in my head and I think about things that happened, not bad but a memory .. then the same day, rarely that very minute but it has happened, or couple days later they will hit me up. Weird right?

Or ever since I was little girl I would be speaking to someone or hearing some one converse to another or whatever .. a word will always pop out that like kinda sticks out.. something that doesn't sit right with me OR is like a piece to a puzzle I will find out WHY that person sayed it and WHY it stuck in my head. very very very weird, not always bad but it's like hmm..hard to explain. I ALWAYS find out the reason it stuck in my head, whether it be a day or even years later. weird. I swear it's a trip.

Now in my head I notice if I say something or do something I can predict if it's going to have these consequences.. literally a list of them instantly. hella weird.. I'm tellen ya I'm weird.

I have been wrong in some cases when it comes to advice.. rarely though.

One thing I have learned about life.. is if others are telling you should do something, or you should not do something, wether it be a job, or relationship.. and you keep doing it.. and wonder why shit is going wrong.. LISTEN! I have learned my lesson.. sure there are a few times when people are wrong.. but in drama relationships don't walk RUN to those who know what they are talking about.

yes we all get stubborn and think NO I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING or THIS IS DIFFERENT.. or for the naive ones THEY ARE JUST JEALOUS.. god I hate that..

ever hear when usually a girl who has no business what they are wearing says THEY JUST JEALOUS.. well could be that maybe the person who is judging that person is jealous that they can't wear shit like that with no shame in their game..
or here's a thought.. maybe you do look wack? but then again to each is own right?


I am pretty good now at sensing someones energy, or vibe. I can tell when someone is just a negative bad, real bad. and sometimes I have been wrong about someone and they could be really cool. I don't think well I hope I don't.. ever been told I have a bad energy or vibe or something bout me that people don't trust..

theres a difference between like and trust.. sure.. if you come at me stupid, I'm gonna tell you something or if you know me and we have a fight then yea duh you don't like me handle.. thats normal.
I don't know if people don't like me cause of what their "Fantasy" or prediction about me is.. and I don't mean as sexual or perfect I mean what they build me up in their mind by my myspace page, blogs or just by my appearance .. sometimes I find it's easier to pick apart someone so it makes you feel better about yourself.. I think as a defense mechanism.. I am guilty of that.. not to people in general but if I like someonme and they get to close.

ok so like usual I get off topic. But anyways I need to get back into eating and walking! im starting to see a little weight ... but ahhh I'm into albertos right now lol I love their burritos! When I think about working out or even walking I swear to you in the next instant my ankle or knee starts to throb lol. the brain is very very very mysterious.

My referral service seems to be coming along good.. I'm excited and nervous about my clothing line coming out.. weird.. no one has really seen any of my designs and i literally have girls waiting to buy whatever I have. talk about money sitting there waiting to be made!

I guess there is something about me that people gravitate to or trust? I have been getting told how I'm on my grind (hustle) which hustle I don't like people I don't hustle anyone. I got the universe to check me literally in a second if I were to even try to be vindictive, malicious or shady. not in my nature.

so when people tell me like things they think of me being some person who is higher then them or if I'm like "someone" it's like wtf? I feel weird. I'm not a cocky person, I am confident in alot of things I do but I think I know my potential and I know I'm not living up to it so it's like a false illusion. it's sweet but I so don't see myself as other people do when it comes to like at a particular status or whatever.

I know I do have the influence over people.. that if I suggest something people to check it out.. if I recommend a book that really has affected me.. I've had people mostly girls buy this one book. I get alot of compliments on my blogs and the way I write, sure it's cool but sometimes I think I should censor myself but if I did.. I know no one would really read.. which is cool cuz I write for me really but if others can relate then cool.

I take credit for getting the word out because I WANT TO! I have to have this intense like feeling in my body that something I come across people Have to know about!!!! but I dont take credit for building that thing up.. because if it's a book.. then it's the writer who did the work.. or if a group I promote.. it's THEIR FANS that are just getting information.. I didn't build up their fan base or build up someones following.. I just am good at getting out things I feel people should know about.

I never take credit for things I didn't do. ever.

I am also noticing about myself that If someone is pissing me off.. I think well.. what are they going through.. or if I did something wrong or say something to someone.. well they were right because of this and that.. it's called maturity I learned from my mom. took me a while to get on her wave length cuz she is just the shit!

I have alot to learn. BUT one thing I don't get is if someone is an asshole, does horrible things to someone.. why is it the victim has to "forgive" WTF IS THAT? I have grudges people let me tell you! but from key people since I was younger that did horrible things to me.. I have issues and complex's to this damn day.. OH so I should just forgive them right? really? so what the fuck is their punishment? a simple sorry if that? yea nigga that really makes up for the internal and tramuatic bullshit.. so yea I forgive you.. and all is well with the world? You get off easy? you fuck up someones life but yet I HAVE TO FORGIVE YOU? I THINK NOT.

ORRRRRRRRRRRR Why do I have to accept someones fucken attitude or the way they are? why do IIIIIIIIIIII have to "learn to deal" or watch what I say OR change how I am because that person is a fucken douche bag? or bitch asshole?

WHY? WHY WHY WHY? WHY CANT THEY BOW DOWN TO MY FUCKEN ASS? WHY CAN'T THEY JUST TAKE THE STICK OUT OF THEIR ASS AND CHILL THE FUCK OUT?

you feel me? I know the saying "hating someone (or holding grudges) is like drinking posion and hoping the other person gets sick" yes makes sense? and There is a book I forgot the name of like 4 commondments.. 1 is "never take anything person" but what about the people who are directly gunning for you, have it in for you.. is it really just a mirror of themselfs they see? or like a dog chasing their own tale?

I don't know. but I am trying not to get so defensive and take shit personal. I think we have to fight back or get "paypal" for the validation. we want someone to get punished for them treating us bad because why should they do that and not even care? it's like no nigga you will acknowledge!

do we leave it up to karma? can we insure it's karma when you forgive someone or not that the person who fucked with you maybe once or over and over in different levels.. will get what is coming to them?

I just have a cold heart with some things, and a warm for others. blah blah blah. I can go on and on.. so yea.. my week and I'm feeling better.. should be a better one =)

so if you read this far congrats cuz I don't have the attention spand to even read it through so excuse the typos! lol.

1 comment:

LONELY of the SICKSIDE ARMY said...

OMGGGG I DO THE SAME THING U WERE WRITING ABOUT IN THE I LOVE LUCY PARAGRAPH.! i swearrr to god i will alwayss think of something and not anything ordinary or not something that is is always in the news or something random shit.! shit i havent talked about or thought about or heard about iand not an ordinary thing thaand a few days later it will b in the news or some1 will talk about it something to do with what i was thinking about.! i always thought i was juss trippen.!