Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Now my food & sleeping pattern controlled!

Since I been taking my meds last week. Wow. I changed my insomnia and sleep schedule! I started working out, walking/jogging. I feel really good. Last weekend I ate alot of crap but whatever. This week I shopped and got some really good healthy food and the best part all under 20.00! I feel different.. like disciplined.. and that's hard for me to do! But I have my gut instinct this is going to stay.

I have been working out everyday. I have this cute ass black dress I want to wear Friday for the Cypress Haunted Hill show Friday. I was afraid of getting my period because we all know the bloating and what not. The reason why I usually love getting my period because regardless of the inconvenience it's a proven fact for me the more water you drink and cut back on sweets the more weight you loose.. sure it may be water weight but for me it doesn't come back! Unless I go back to eating crap.

I never could get how the hell people wake up at 5am!!!!! Now if I wake up at 6am I feel kinda dissapointed. However I had some stuff on my mind last night I ended up taking 1 last night., for the past 2 days however I didn't need the pills.

I woke up today finally at 9am!!! not good for me!

The pills helped me get my sleeping back on track. I would fall asleep before 11pm and wake up around 5/5:30! I love taking my morning walk/jog.

In the morning I have my instant regular oatmeal with a Banana, preferably small because I'm not to keen on bananas I don't want to waste it.

I love me some food, and It's so hard to resist especially chocolate!!! but now.. I'm sticking to it, no more excuses or convincing my self I can eat it and work it off later.

I am trying to eat every couple of hours. So for lunch I have a potatoe.. I clean it good, get a sharp thick knife and just cut into it a shit load, then I spread olive oil all over and wrap it in a plastic bag. I put it in the microwave.. yes microwave.. and after about 6 minutes, it's hot and soft insde. I put a little tiny margarine.. Last week I was putting salt and shit but now I don't need it.

Then Instead of making my salsa which is 100% natural ingredients, I find it easier and cheaper to get some pre-made salad in a bag.. just lettuce, what not, I pour a lil olive oil and Blasmic Vinegar which I was never really found of but It's cool now.. I chop up some onions, and a little tinie winie of garlic.. trust I learned my lesson, talk bout a little goes along way lol and thats about it.. I put all of it together then with my hands I mix it up.. I learned that on a cooking show.. less messy and just is easier to get everything mixed in.

a couple hours later I get a green apple, chop it up in slices and put a tad of organic creamy peanut butter this shit is hella fatning I guess in a good way but still.

Then for dinner, maybe the same as I described or I get a Vega Boca Burger with some Mustard on the side.. It tastes like steak. i know people think veggie patties burgers don't taste good but trust there are so many brands, can't base 1 on one. and again, a little salad. I will switch it up a little here and there but for now I'm good.

then for a snack again, the apples and peanut butter. Even though I love to grub on junk food, I have always loved vegetables and fruit. When I went vegan I loved it. I am now vegetarian, I still don't eat meat or fish but I do love junk food, Vegan doesn't mean only animal products, means anything process.. I'll go into that subject soon.

I am so glad I can bend! When I had my injury I thought I wouldn't be able to. I do make sure I stretch alot more. I want to add more to my workouts everyday, but I don't want to do to much to fast.

I did start my period which I have been waiting for.. so now I'm drinking lots more water besides that I see a little weight difference on the good side! =) so imagine when my period is over in 5 days? I will see a differnce I know I will =)

I think a problem for me is when I'm not home and I have to be out with friends or it's late night.. ahhhh

I went to taco bell for my mom last night.. I really like taco bell but I didn't get anything.

Today I had an appt. and there was chocolate candy they had..I looked at it and thought nothing of it.

When I go to stores for my sweet tooth I just don't pay attention. Especially since Halloween is coming! But I'm happy with I got right now. I plan to keep it up.

So my dears that is my update thus far.

Friday, October 24, 2008

OMG Foos act like lil girls sometimes...

I don't know what it is.. Well I can think of a few.. but DAYUM GINA!

I'm getting messages on my messengers why I deleted them.. why I'm not talking to them
and GOD FORBID I don't reply in 5 seconds the tears must start to flow cuz they get alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll HURT

have you ever thought my computer froze.. I had to do something real fast? I got some things I need to do on the net?

and they expect me to remember them or know their life story when I know they never have hit me up before.. I'm mad cool and I try to reply to everyone but when you start with that wack crap.. then move on.. NEXT.


OH and the ones who know I don't do Dick.. they still bother the shit out of me assuming they can turn me straight..

sure.. straight back to gay..

just cuz you may think I'm cute or attractive blah blah blahhhh doesn't mean I'm perfect.. get out of the shallow end and start paying attention to females are about their business.. .

so don't cry when you end up with hoodrats and ghetto broads.. cuz thats what you looken for HOMEY...

if your insecure that sounds like a personal problem homey, then all of a sudden they start trying to insult me LOL.

anywho I can go on and on.. different sh*t some lil girls hit me up with..

OH and that whole "sup sexy cutey" .. yea thats REAL CHARMING.. WHAT A DON JUAN.. I'M SO IMPRESSED.. OH BABY OH BABY..


now I know I'm gonna get the SIMPLE minded dudes damn why you mad, who got you pissed, don't let them foos get to you, BLAH BLAH BLAH


sure I'm irritated it's on the daily cuz it ain't even 9am and the the crying begins.. get a tissue mijo it ain't that serious. you will live.. the sun will shine again.


OK I just had to let it out LOL.


I feel so good.. I was off bed rest in October.. I went from not being able to walk nor bend.. to now RUNNING!

I love to workout.. sometimes I get in my moods where I don't feel like it or I put it off and make excuses.. like everyone does right?

anywho, I thought when I had my injury not only would I probably not be able to do the Vegas Strip Tease (the one that put me on bed rest in the first place lol check my Carmen Electra blog for that)

I thought I wouldn't be able to bend or workout like I usually did.. I Love doing workout videos, Running is something like an accomplishment to me because I was never a runner .. until a couple years ago. It's a high. I may not push myself as I should would I run.. I'm more of a jogger.

So I went walking, my ankle tends to act up thats what I was scared of.. cuz I like to workout heavily moving, dancing, and I didn't want to make it worse..

I just got back from RUNNING! YAYY.. I went running the day before I feel damn good! Today I went longer!

BUT I just got back.. as I'm writing this my patio door is open.. I'm hella hot.. and the fucken chain smokers .. the smoke is going right into my pad! IT'S FUCKEN ANNOYING! I got a headache.. I don't smoke.. but I don't being around it..but shit it's all I smell! I have a fan blowing the smoke but fuck.. I'm irritated.. I have to wait for the air to come on..

ANYWHO.. running, workout period is a good way to get the endorphins? whatever the hell your body releases thats a natural something something.. I dunno but its good.

if you look at my blog about last week how I wasn't feeling good. blah blah blah.. I got back on my meds.. And I'm cool.. I now have the want to workout! and start to eat better.. When I went total vegan I lost so much weight and I was so fucken healthy..

now I'm vegetarian which cool to but Im more of a junk food one.. I love me some candy, blah blah.

anywho this is an update!!! =)

i can bend, do everything, biggest test will be when I wear my stilettos! cuz if I can't.. WE GONNA HAVE SOME PROBLEMS UP IN HURR!

Monday, October 20, 2008

This cop had mercy on me! when he pulled me over!

So I have gotten 2 pinche tickets this year! I rarely get a ticket anywho I am pretty much a good driver .. I ALWAYS use my turn signal .. I was maken a left turn and I guess I didn't use my turn signal.. my ass was hungry so I'm going to my fav spot Taco Bizell lol. as I was about to turn and I notice a cop behind me I'm hoping he's hungry as well lol. NOPE he pulls me over..

Now mind you before I left my pad I wasn't gonna wear my tennis shows? I rarely do that but I was lazy.. I should have brought my I.D but I thought blah the spot is just a couple blocks away.. anywho thank god I wore a bra right? LOL. I had a tank top and a mini jean skirt.. MY car was TRASHED I mean it looked like a mini hurrican .. I had a grip of papers that fell out.. I dunno I just let it get reallllllllll dirty and messy!

I had my ins. car but no form of I.D what so ever!!! not even my registration .. AHHH!

so he walks up and I'm like DAMN MAN I got already 2 tickets! He walks up and takes a look at my car LOL. he's like the usual asking for my i.d and crap im like I dont have it on me I left it at my house.. he's checking out my car and asks me whos car was it? it's under my moms and me .. OMG to get out the car? he prolly thought it was a stolen .. OH MY GOD! so then I look back and theres 2 back up cars.. First of all I'm a chick.. he searches me I don't got crap on me.. he couldn't obviously search me to good lol I'm thinking he's gonna call a woman cop.. anywho it's Arcadia people it aint that serious CALMATE WITH YOUR 2 BACK UP CARS so I'm kinda laughing.. like whatever.. I'm very nice and calm.. I've been around cops and crap CANT STAND THEM but I know how to act .. so he asks me to sit on his bumper of the car.. so he's searching my car COMEDY!

so I sit all proper and shit and the 2nd cop WHO IS A FUCKEN BITCH .. asks me "Who put that "NO FUR" sticker on your car.. i'm like My mom.. WTF IS THAT? then he asks what is Psycho Realm and I tell him (I have like 2 stickers of the realm and a thingy that goes around the license plate.. he's like "What does Soldada" mean? I'm thinking you really are from Arcadia huh.. So I tell him Soldier .. he asks what I do for a living I tell him .. Then I ask if I may call my mom (since the cop didn't let me take my phone with me) he's like I D0N'T KNOW I CANT READ HIS MIND .. I'm like I didn't ask you to. He just looks at me.. so the cop searching my car is like DAMN lol I can see his face.. He couldn't believe how fucken dirty and trashed my car was EMBARRASSING .. so they both ask me if I had any identity on me.. I'm like I got a Gym card? lol but no pic on it.. nope.

Ok so the TRUE EMBARRASSING PART if I may get a bit graphic..the day before I went to do laundry at my homegirls pad and I had a an article of clothing that lets just say mother nature "Curse" the time of the month wasn't to kind (LADIES YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT). I had balled it up and I guess it fell out but since it was just shorts folded up I forgot what I had in it... so all of a sudden I see him go in my backseat and I'm like OH MY FUCKEN GOD I THINK I LEFT MY SHORTS IN IT!!!!!! OMG thought OMG he's gonna totally go through it since I could have something in it.. OH MY GOD so he comes back to me and he's like "Well you got the award for dirtiest car award" LMAO! He's like "I won't give you a ticket just make sure you signal"

I WAS LIKE OMG THANK YOU! I had no fucken I.D nothing to prove it was me or a stolen car so maybe he felt pity for me cuz my damn car was so messy .. prolly thought.. she got enough on her plate LOL.

So I get in my car and to my HORROR I see that particular article of clothing straight up for the world to see OMG OMG OMG SO EMBARRASSING I WAS HORRIFIED!

But thanks Mr. 5 0 lol it had totally slipped my mind lol needless to say I went right home and did some laundry!

I think my attitude of being nice and cool respectful is the main reason I was let go.. if it was on COPS I prolly would have been arrested for show then let go with a mad ticket.

anywho thats my story I thought it was funny


Okay so it's Monday .. I am feeling so fucken good!

That day when I wrote the blog it was early Saturday.. I had to do errands with my mom.. I think I passed my negative energy however to her. Pobresita! lol. After recyling we went to Taco Bell.. we always go through drive though but since we were in 2 cars (we were switching cars, getten registration) so I dunno I just a negative energy.. which I can pick up sometimes.. so my mom suggested I start taking off the licenese plates so we can just go right in.. so im outside and im like why is my mom taking long?

so she comes out 15 minutes later PISSED! my mom is hella chill.. she's the kind of person who will call to say what a good experience she had or the employee who was kind to her, etc.. So I guess the girl at the register kept fucken up and over charged my mom and gave her the wrong change.. and when my mom suggested she just void and start all over again the girl wouldn't? I dunno so the line was getting bigger and people were getting mad.. but shit you would do the same thing if someone was getting your money and order wrong right?

so the employee goes over her manager and says "THERE'S A PROBLEM WOMAN OUT THERE"

my mom was PISSED! she turned around and sayed sorry but this girl is getten my order wrong.. But people were still pissed lol. So the mananger gave my mom free food and all was coo but she was LIVID! she cracked me up when my mom tells me "Oh hell no I almost went 310 ghetto on her ass" My mom is so not like that but piss her off and it's on like donkey kong

when thing is if you look at my mom wrong I will beat your ass. I ain't scared.

anywho I was like sorry mom guess my negative energy passed on to you!

So yesterday I was cool but shit I got bomarded from downloading.. yahoo messenger, Aim, my blackberry messenger.. tons of peeps hitten me up.. DON'T GET ME WRONG I LOVE speaken to peeps but I was drained and just AHHHHH so I turned everything off and went to lay down.

... Today I'M FUCKEN PEACHY .. I don't remember if I slept Saturday night? NOPE! I finally fell asleep at 4:00pm last night.. and I woke up at 10pm? not that long right? so I took a sleeping pill cuz I knee if I didn't I would have been up probably all day today.. So the pill worked but I did wake up through out the night.. I had some breakfeast. I feel really good happy.. even though I was on bed rest last month I'm gonna try to do some light workout.. I usually love to workout.. so bed rest was hard for me!

So im handlen shit right now.. I wanted to get up early cuz I get my workout on.. but it's almost 9am and still haven't worked out! LOL. I can't do to much don't wanna strain myself.

so I'm feelen good. I think the meds kicked in =)

que mas? .. hmmm OH My long awaited from trackball from my blackberry should come in a couple days YAY I can't navigate through my phone without it.. I learned the sneaky ways to text people, call and my blackberry messenger.. which is hard to keep up with .. I got around 75 on my list.. it's crazy anywhoo..

Music has helped my mood found some DOPE songs!

I made a blog on my favorites .. if your looken for new music shit like that I put some videos of the song from Belanova.. Vicente Fernandez.. CHENTE.. Y VOLVER VOLVER lol. His new song from my favorite Novela right now "Fuego en La Sangre"!

So I guess until I get my sleeping pattern back in check I'm gonna have to sacrifice my 1am Novela.. "Amarte es Mi Pecado" IT'S SO FUCKEN GOOD THOUGH! but gotta do what I gotta do right?

So thats my story.. hope I continue to feel this good. My meds don't fix anything they help and sure thats part of it.. but Therapy, eating and ecercising helps. some people think it's a something that fixes everything and it doesn't you gotta do your part it just allows you to chill out...

OH wanna see the blog lol it's on my other blog site.. the link is on this page..

Saturday, October 18, 2008


If you read a previous blog I made about anti-depressant "Happy Pills"

Well they aren't.. anywho.. I stopped taking them.. I don't know maybe out of lazyness.. you should try not to do what I did for the fact your body will react in moodswings, you can get sick etc..

I know this.. but I decided to anyway.. don't really remember why? it's been over a week. I went back into depression.. talk about being fucken moody! very snappy.. I have insomnia now.. I noticed weight gain.. then again things are tough.. there is times I dont' have a dollar to my name.. thats depressing I don't want to ask anyone nor my mom for anything. the money isn't flowing in for me at the moment.. so the only thing I can really eat since I went from Vegan to now Vegetarian.. I don't anything from animal.. so I stick to junk food.. 99 cent chips.. 99 cent store have really good food actually..yea I'm not embarrased.. bills are high...

I haven't really want to go out, I don't get pleasure from some music. I feel like a dark black cloud.. I journal everyday though.. I went in for testing to see what condition I really have, very thurough .. 2 day testing.. it's early to tell but I am not Bi-Polar, which is the popular diagnosis. I know I'm not even the psyh's I see or my previous therapist.. I don't have the traits... I have some issues from my childhood and I think it has shaped me my emotional connection with people good and bad...

anywho I haven't told anyone I stopped taking them.. just my friend.. I didn't want to. I really hate being told what I already fucken know especially from people who don't know what I go through or anything like that.

I have really bad insomnia now it's getting worse.. I stood up for 24 hours the other day.. I took some sleeping pills last night cuz I had to get up early the other day but last night I slept less then 2 hours.. I'm just up. I can't sleep.. I know it's because of the withdrawals..

I been so fucken moody and bitchy more straight out then usual.. my patience has been close to none! It's weird. I just want to be left alone.. I'll chit chat with people here and there but I Hate stupid fucken questions.. I think because of my negative attitude it's attracting negative energy right back.

I got dudes hitten me up with some wack ass fucken lines.. annoying as hell.. cheesy shit even when they know I'm not interested.. I hate that wanna be sweet bullshit.. nigga it even cracken over here like that .. I been on this site I am flooded with some wack shit.. sick sexually offensive shit..constantly I don't come off at all like that!!!!!!! I'm tired of foos "why are you gay" .. cuz I like girls Einstein

wtf is up with the whole sexy shit.. like do people think thats charming? i can go on and on but whatever..

So I took my meds yesterday and today I feel worse.. I gotta let it kick in I guess. I have the urge to cry it seems like I'm worse.. My body has been on these meds for a while. right now I have the urge.. and i took the meds not to long ago.

I feel certain emotions controlled pretty cool now.

I'm still helllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa snappy.. I'm snappen at a couple people right now.. not tryen to be harsh but if someone is irritating me i'm gonna let them know.

some people I don't mind but fuck the people who hit me up sometimes.. shit!

I just want to cry.. I'm spewing negative energy right now.. you can tell my mood by my expressions.. I'm just scared the meds won't work anymore? I could be wrong.. I don't know.. also could be I haven't really slept.. I'm cranky.. moody.. fustrated.. I can't deal with anyone right now.. I want to be left the fuck alone.. I never really felt like that..

I get alot of messages with positive energy and I always try to give it back.. even if I'm moody.. I just dont have patience for fucken cry babies.. or lazy ass people I HATE generic 1 word "convo's"

Some of my friends have been a little I guess distance with me cuz I'm just not really keeping up with them.. I don't want to be around anyone.. I don't want to pass on my mood.. at the same time it's usually them hitting me up when they want something.. not at all but some.

you know it sucks also cuz some people think I've changed or whatever cuz of what I do in the scene.. but if they really took a moment to think how THEY have changed with me? I'm still the same fucking person but it's so easy for people to dismiss or not acknowledge their actions with me.. I'm tired of it.

I feel isolated and at the same time not included in alot of things.

I have been having alot of shit this year.. I dunno if me going through the testing this week.. I had to bring up alot of shit about my childhood and growing up.. I grew up in a very harsh "family" my mom is the best but everyone around was always fighting.. no respect.. I got a raw deal in life.. I'm blessed with how easy I got it but at the same time cursed I feel..

I heard I come off tuff? to some.. but I don't see it. I can be guarded.. I let no one talk shit to me.

some things of the test showed I am very articulate, smart, bright blah blah blah. I don't give myself enough credit. I always get told I have this trusting energy about me.. that I can do big things .. people look up to me? I trip out on that I think it's an illusion fantasy they have of me.. I am unique. confident in areas, alot I'm weak. I am human... very visual great memory which is a curse to me

I don't get however I feel and think people tend to come at me like if I'm fucken stupid? try to play, game and manipulate me? why is that??????????????????

after a relationship not to long ago I picked up on things.. I can observe alot from someone's actions it's very easy for me. I have better judgment I hope. I'll usually if asked what I think of them.. and I'm dead on. maybe that was my lesson.. the reason things happen

ok so I've calmed down right now.. im bumpen some music..

I dunno felt like blogging.. I hope things get better soon.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Finally off Bed Rest!

First weekend!!!! I didn't mind staying home all the fucken time but shit... I still haven't gotten the "official" okay from my doctor but I'm with my body 24/7 and I feel good.

Last week I felt so weird I had to meet my friend to get something and just getting ready.. driving.. being out in the world lol.. I decided to do some shopping with her and my ankle wasn't throbbing as bad as I thought it would. Shit I'm happy I can walk and bend! =) The driving didn't effect it bad either. Which is a good thing.

I had to go to court Monday.. standing in line for over an hour.. then I went to the mall.. lots of walking and I feel good.

I went out for the first time last night! I had a really good time.. and my ankle wasn't throbbing.. the pain in my lower back-hip-joint is gone. I tried to go walking for an hour but it's been so hot and humid in L.A even at 7pm! I went for like 10 minutes then came home..

I tried stretching a little.. to see how far I can bend and what I was able to do.. things seem to be okay.. I don't want to push it either. I'm taking it slow.

The big test will be if I can wear heels.. Im not gonna press my luck by wearing my stilettos.. but I have some boots.. still stiletto type but not really.. I don't do flats.. unless they are tennis shoes lol.

I appreciate everone's concern. I'm cool.. I hope I don't go over board and do to much and make it worse. I don't want to go backward! I know the injury is going to have a lasting effect and may take sometime. I might have to go to Physical Therapy soon. Aver que..

I have some stuff planned for this weekend and next.. even if it's just chillen somewhere I don't long as I'm out of the house lol. Not that I mind the pad.. but if it's the weekend why not!

So thats my story =)

-Oh and yes I will do the workout dvd videos again! just with not as much "umph" and maybe not for a while! lol.

-Why am I on bed rest? check the blog "Carmen Electra put me on bed rest"