Friday, April 17, 2009

It's Friday! =)

This is how I aim to sweat EVERYDAY.

So I went to my grandmothers house and we had a talk about weight that night, a talk that normally wouldn't haven ended well.

She went on a vacation to Hawaii, and her long time friend had gained so much weight she broke a chair, how horrible is that? We were sitting at the dinner table. I automatically loose my appetite the minute I walk in her house because of the way I was treated, it was ALWAYS about my weight.

anywho, she starts talking bout whats healthy and whats not, and I correct her on how meat is not healthy and is not a protein humans can even begin to digest especially with all the bullshit the government pumps in them and their emotions/anxiety, etc.. OK I'll stop, But I know the facts.

wait 1 more.. ON how Banana's have to much sugar and how Potatoes have to much starch (ahs she slaps on the butter) LMAO I'm like um THEY ARE PERFECT FOOD, the fruit in sugar you speak about is the sugar your body can digest where it benefits you, the STARCH in Potato is 1 of the elements your body needs to feel full, so GROWN SUGAR AND STARCH you are taught to be afraid of by white sugar making companies that aim to kill you with their chemicals dressed in white... are GOOD FOR YOU ..

BUT anyway, we brought up my weight, and she sayed "You've been gaining weight? since when"?"

Ok.. so I didn't know to be mad that she hasn't noticed? or am I assuming she will always see me as I see myself?

weird right..

So we get home late my mother and I went to Whole Foods, got all kinds of organic food and fruit/vegetables, the moment I get home I put everything ready to go for the morning, I need to be prepared or it won't work. I got bananas, beans, my vegan boca burgers (that taste like taste and are only 1 point on Weight Watchers) fruits and veggies, etc.. etc..

BACK TO BASICS! I know what works for me and my body.

I took a sleeping pill, I need to get my pattern back on track

SO Monday came I got up, had my oatmeal and bananas, I was thinking about rejoining Weight Watchers but I didn't want to pay the registration fee, as I am about to type I got the remote and turned on the TV and what do ya know? It was a Weight Watchers commercial saying the are offering FREE Registration! If that's not a sign I don't know what is!

So I decided I'm gonna go. I got ready found the earliest time BUT this time instead of hitting taco bell and having my last meal I go right to my car where I encounter my neighbor and good friend, she asked where I was going and I told her, she's always trying to loose weight, so she's like LETS GO TO TACO BELL FIRST!

I'm like NOPE, Her dad walked up and she had to take care of something so she didn't come with me, I went and joined, it's changed a bit since I last went. One thing I don't like is people selling me shit, that's 1 thing I could have not dealt with, all these products being pushed on me, but I made it clear what I'm there for and what I will ONLY be purchasing.

Let me make it clear, Weight Watchers is amazing, and I will always back it up 100%, they are not pushy as a business, this particular worker was, NOT ALL.

I went on Weight Watchers in 04, lost 30 pounds. If Weight Watchers doesn't work for you THEN YOUR NOT SERIOUS ABOUT LOOSING WEIGHT. .That's how easy the program is, you can eat WHATEVER YOU WANT.

any who when I went Vegan in 07 I didn't need WW because I ate pure and organic.

It's a trip because I don't agree Meat and Dairy like Milk and Cheese are healthy for you, because they are not. POINT BLANK THEY ARE NOT.

So on the WW Plan they do promote that as a healthy lifestyle, etc.. ok fine but not for me

what I like is they have a plan for Vegetarians and Vegans.

So I'm at the meeting which I totally suggest everyone should stay for.

The Leader was talking about Goals, now for me personally, I don't know how to keep goals.

So she gave us a paper for us to write a Goal and how to keep them. So I told her my goal for the week would be to exercise everyday.

I got weighed and I weigh 155, I'm 5'5 I thought for sure I would weigh in the 60's, but okay if it says so!

It's now Friday and I have exercised 2 hours everyday! I am so proud of my body for not being sore or anything!!!!!! that's a BLESSING! especially since my mishap back in August that kept me on bed rest for a month!

I have been journaling everything I eat, I have been eating beautifully, I am mindful and I'm on my game right now

My steps to get to my goal are these
1. Make Time to workout
2. Walk to Places instead of driving
3. Find different workouts for everyday
4. Different Play lists for each day
5. Have clothes and shoes ready to go

so It's Friday, Just wanted to give an update, I'm on my way to the gym, I worked out for an hour earlier but I wanted to reach for 3 hours, so 2 hours and I'm good.

I know it's not realistic for everyone and yes, over exercising can hurt your body and may even make you gain weight, I just want to see if I can do it.

Shit if people on The Biggest Looser that weigh over 300 can do 6 hours a day, I can do 2! lol

I'm going to Fresno on Monday, BUT I will be going to get weighed and stay for the meeting!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Sex Offenders- Help pass this Bill-SAVE YOUR KIDS!

Help Get Funding for the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act

The Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act was passed on July 25, 2006—20 years after Adam Walsh's abduction. The act established a National Sex Offender Registry law, but recent news reports reveal most states will not be in compliance with the law by the upcoming July 2009 deadline. If senators and state representatives don't comply with and fully fund the act, it will expire.

Oprah did a show entirely about kids and the net, the horrible stories of kids who thought they know who they were talking to, but instead were kidnapped, raped, and even worse..John Walsh, host of AMERICAS MOST WANTED, who lost his son 27 years ago to a man who kidnapped and decapitated his son. On the 25th anniversary of his Son's death John finally got a bill into Congress to make any Child Abuser Register in every state.. that way a NATIONAL Registry can tell you where exactly these Pervs are living..


In the Link I provided below, Oprah has already written a letter that you can Print and send to your state Representative or Email..Oprah makes it VERY EASY , just click on your state and it will show who you need to send it to =)

Here's what a Sample Letter looks like:

Write to Your Senators and State Representative, If you choose to write a letter, fax, telegram or e-mail, you may use the following sample letter. Feel free to modify it how you see fit.

If your in Cali, Here's the link to Diane Feinstein & Barbara Boxer

Dear [Senator/Congressman/or Congresswoman]:

I am sure you share my belief that we must do everything in our power to help protect our children from sexual predators in our communities. That is why I am asking for your help today.I am extremely concerned about how we track registered sex offenders in our country. According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, an estimated 100,000 sex offenders are unaccounted for and not living where they are registered. Because law enforcement agencies are too underfunded and overwhelmed to track them, these dangerous predators are free to roam undetected from state to state, targeting and re-offending more innocent children.The Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act, which was signed into law in 2006, created a National Sex Offender Registry, but recent news reports reveal most states will not be in compliance with the law by the upcoming July deadline. Supporters of the law acknowledge there are adjustments that should be made to the law, but they are adamant, as am I, that the basic purpose and spirit of Adam's act must be upheld. The act calls for a National Sex Offender Registry,which is critical to the safety of our children.I implore you to reexamine this law with fellow lawmakers, reauthorize it and see that it is fully funded. I realize our country's current economic crisis will not make this charge an easy one, but what could be more urgent and of greater importance than the safety and well-being of our children?

Sincerely,(your name here)

Sunday, April 12, 2009

I'll start Monday, Cause Tue-Sunday Doesn't count! right?


Every week for WEEKS shit even Months I'm like I'm gonna start eating clean and healthy. Monday for sure.


That Magical Monday comes and goes.

I can't blame it on the fucken day of the week, I know exactly how to start eating clean and healthy, shit I went Vegan, did that to perfection, no problem. I then went to Vegetarian (still no meat/fish since 06!) .. It's a sugar addiction I have. Plus I like comfort food.

I have a weight issue, it's my issue and plenty of people have theirs. It's an emotional thing I guess, I think sometimes I might put on weight to protect or defend myself? I can see that now, I don't like attention, I sure damn as hell don't like stupid perv ass attention from dudes, never did, I don't need attention on myself to feel good or valid.

I also have this complex, I've blogged about it alot because it's something I've had since I was a little girl, I think I use my weight as a way of rebelling, but like the old saying goes "Your only hurting yourself"

When I've blogged about this I've mentioned where it stems from. My Grandmother, She is absolutely stunning even to this day, she is a former model, My moms side is South American, you know the type turquoise eyes, light skinned, blond hair, tall and slender. I had none of that when I was born lol.

She made weight a MAJOR issue growing up. I was the only grandchild and I was constantly compared to my stunning cousins who tall and skinny. I have an impeccable memory, I can remember different episodes with her when I was 5. Always about my weight but now that I'm older, it's not really about MY weight, it was her insecurities that she took out on me.

I still to this very day value myself some what by a number. If I am at a certain number on the scale then I am "accepted" but accepted by who? myself? society?

I've written before how it feels when I've gained weight, some people tell me "You can't even tell" yea right, I hide it good, although I gain it first in my face but my body will follow mostly my arms, and stomach, thankfully my thighs and legs, I've never had a problem, now I'm approaching my latge 20's AGHHHHHHHHHHH! I hope my body doesn't change to fast.

I have to cover up if I go outside, I feel like if I show something un pleasant, if my stomach hangs out in a certain way or it doesn't look "smooth" them some how I'm in trouble or committing a Haynes act in public and being judged by every single person, why do I think like that?

The funny thing is, even though I see myself maybe from a extreme magnified distorted mirror. I am no way obese, even though to me I feel I am. The heaviest I've weighed , well that I've actually known from a scale is 173.5, I've always gone up and done, I'm 5'5 I don't wear it well.

I have gained weight, I don't feel comfortable in my body, although I feel like I could be 173 now I know I'm not. I weighed myself on a couple scales and it's in the 50's but as much dieting as I've done, I know exactly (well I think) just by how my clothes fit what number range I'm in.

I don't have the body type where I'm big boned, cause I'm not. I don't have the body type where I'm chubby, cause I'm not, although I do feel like it.

I am usually a Medium, Once I started fitting into Larges at stores, I FREAKED OUT. Then again, I'll go to the Asian clothing stores and their sizes always run small so who really knows.

A couple weeks ago I was at my friends house looking for some tops to borrow, she gave me a huge stack of Larges and Xtra Larges, I always swim in them because they are to huge for me, even looking at the tops they seem to big for my frame, but I knew if I kept over eating, eating when I'm not even hungry but OVERLY eating I know I was bound for that extra size.

So what am I REALLY hungry for?

I do have a thing of self sabotaging myself, I could be a very successful talented person but I stop myself when I get to close, why do I do that?

It's not about the weight, it's about why I am eating to destroy myself..

No one pressures me about my weight because some just don't see it, or they just don't say anything. I can loose weight very easy when I'm on point with my workout and eating schedule. But I can also gain very very fast.

I find one thing and I over do it, I was talking to my friend 1 day and I was saying how I'm obessed with this one restaurant, I go literally everyday, I thought I was being obsessive, he's like your compulsive.. and there was an "AHA" moment.. I am. I am trading one bad eating habit for another, now it's Taco Bell Super Nachos!

So Today is Sunday and well, Tomorrow is Monday the difference is I am going to be real prepared, at least I hope mentally.

The pattern is, Sunday's.. I go and buy all my healthy shit.. then I go PIG OUT on what I usually eat cause you know it's the "Last Time" I'll be able to have it.. yea right.

But then I have to go somewhere, and it's so much easier to go through drive thru or if I'm with someone and they want to eat some where, "Oh well I'll just start tomorrow" but then I think of all the places or people I have to go out with and think fuck it, next Monday"

You know if you go off track for one moment of one day, you start convincing yourself NEXT MONDAY FOR SURE.

I have pressure on myself, I get so many positive feedback on my Myspace, or my blogs or what I do, so whenever there is a huge event I feel I have to look good. But they aren't complimenting me on my looks, and even if they did, I really don't need to hear it because even if I do look good, I really only care what I think of myself..

So why should I care what I look like if they are obviously praising my mind and my talents? I guess because it's the little girl in my, it's the complex, it's the scale..

I've been at a good weight, I've been the way I want to look and my life wasn't perfect. I just know the feeling of absolute bliss of being that weight.

I remember being told I need to gain weight, that I was getting to Skinny .. DON'T picture a skinny waffle cause that I will never be, it's not my body structure, I have an average body shape I guess but I just remember telling myself I haven't hit the number yet .. but what number will suffice me?

No one on both sides of my family have any weight issues what so ever. at all.

I often say I don't need praise on how I look, I really don't, I think because my mom gave me so much love and attention and still does, that I don't look for it, I don't see it, only other person I seek it from, that I need it from naturally, is if I'm dating someone, of course you want to look good for that person!

an abundance of weight does NOT look good on me, so when I loose it , all of a sudden some people start treating me like I'm some fucken new born queen, like they some discovered entity, it's so superficial and un real.

It's hard when my moms parents who are both re-married, all of a sudden remember I'm at the table when I've lost weight. All of a sudden I'm worth speaking to, how fucken stupid is that, I used to internalize that but now I see it as their insecurities.

I remember being at my great uncles funeral, and my grandmother who I have a serious rocky "relationship" with says "You look so beautiful, I didn't even recognize you" OUCH.

I have to go to her house later on, and long gone are the days when she micro managed everything I ate, she stopped bringing out the scale, her fucken comments, she hasn't sayed anything but I know she's thinking it. It's weird cause when I walk in that house she greets me with a compliment, but it doesn't make me at ease, it actually pisses me the fuck off, I know she's trying to have a relationship with me so she's saying the compliments to try to have a way of communication. Don't get it twisted by me not being happy with anything, I know her heart is in the right place, and she's trying hard, we haven't been able to be around each other for years without a really damaging fight, BUT it's kind of like the "elephant" in the room kind of thing and it's just ass backwards.

I don't need to loose weight for anyone but me

I remember my friend who was pretty heavy, pushing almost 400, I love her dearly, sweet heart to the fullest! We use to work together, She would bring her lunch everyday, the funny thing is, none of her foods could be touched. The Meat, Bread, Lettuce, etc all in separate plastic baggies, she was very meticulous with her food but the ironic thing is she wasn't the same with what she ate and how it affected her body.

I'm going back to basics, back to what always worked for me.

Weight Watchers and my fav place to workout including the very food that satisfies me and nourishes my body.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Peep Show!

I just had to post this so fucken cute!

Michelle Rodgriguez in my room, Thanks Latina Magazine!

Not really, but Kinda!

I am excited!

Often I'll talk about Manifestation, Law of Attraction, etc..

This past weekend was the opening of Fast and The Furious 4, Michelle Rodriguez who everyone knows I totally love, is in it! So everyday I've been getting asked if I've seen it.. I think people associate her with me because of My MySpace page, I hope they associate her as talented actress ..well the HOT talented actress..

anywho, so Sunday I was passing through Hollywood and I remember thinking of Latina Magazine, 1 of my favorite Magazines ever. I have always had a personal goal of being featured in Latina Magazine, (I actually was BUT only cause I wrote in about Thalia and they mentioned my letter) I hope when I have something note worthy to be featured on.

So Yesterday I get a E-Mail OUT OF NO WHERE from my G-Mail account from Latina Magazine! :

We noticed on Twitter that you’re a huge Michelle Rodriguez fan. We’d like to send you something we think you’ll like.

Please send us your mailing address if you’d like us to mail it.

Follow us on Twitter:


I was like WTF! HELL YES! lol.

So I gave her my address, and TODAY this is what I got!

IT'S A HUGE BEAUTIFUL POSTER! ! =) Of course hanging in my room

check out Michelle's links!

Michelle's Myspace , Website, Facebook, YouTube

Thursday, April 9, 2009

We are all connected!

We are all One

This video makes me ball like a little girl.

My mom is a true Animal Activist and Lover... Ever since I was little she use to take me the the Wild Life Station, we used to sponsor Lions, Skunks, you name it.

I am BEYOND BLESSED my mom instilled the compassion and respect for all Animals, including Wild Animals.

Lions are right up there with animals I have a profound respect for, so it makes me incredibly emotional to see this because those who have a connection with animals, that see them as one of us and not something below us... Plus I've had animals all of my life, so I can't even imagine what it must have felt like for everyone to be reunited.

The very body language Christian The Lion is expressing is absolutely genderless, it's so organic and pure, it's natural.

I hope this at least helps break the stupid stigma Animals don't feel or express like we do.. cause they DO.

I'm having a little trouble putting videos from youtube on here so if you can see it GREAT! and if not I will put the direct link to the video

Direct Link: