Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Say Please asshole

I have hundreds of people every week asking.. NO WAIT.. TELLING, DEMANDING, EXPECTING AND ASSUMING ..

Before I go any further.. for the simple minded ones.. Im not mad, I'm not pist, I'm not anything blah blah blah

I'm expressing a fucken opinion.. I cuss alot.. get over it.





I don't know how many times a day i get some comment or message with the following

EY CHECK OUT MY MUSIC, LEAVE A COMMENT AND ADD ME TO YOUR TOP FRIENDS..

SAY WHAT?

For one.. thats not inviting nor professional..Ninja I don't know you so you think I'm going to realistically check out your music.. comment your song.. which if you ask me i'm gonna tell you exactly what I think so if I'm not putting something YOU WANT TO HEAR .. then don't ask.. and by judging by the way they ask.. it's prolly gonna be WACK RADIO-ESQ SHIT.





I ain't gonna put you on my top friends like I know you.. I ain't gonna leave a FORCED comment on your pics.. if you stank.. I'm gonna comment you stank..

You think I'm gonna "support" with you demanding me like I know you.. Like I owe you?

You expect some random person to do all this for you.. when you can't even politely ask? so when you make it "big" or get all kinds of EGO BOOSTING comments.. YOU GONNA THANK THEM? YOU GONNA THANK ME?

HELL NAW.. YOU COME AT EVERYONE THE SAME.. YOU AIN'T GONNA REMEMBER SHIT

REAL RESPECT to those who ask nicely.. who take the time to hit me up genuinely .. I take those seriously. I'm not saying to hit up people kissing ass or begging.. if you can converse as a human being .. then do so.. if not .. KEEP TO YOUR SELF!

If you leave a LONG ASS COMMENT .. I'm talken bout paragraphs long..giving shot outs to all your peeps while demanding me to check YOUR RUDE ass out.. YOU STUPID SON! Tryen to promote on my comments with your ignorant ass need to check your spelling Pre school ass vocabulary .. Straight PDA announcement lol.



wtf is that?

I'm not a radio show.. dedicaten on my comments to all your "peeps" then telling me to vote for you like we got relations.. I don't even know you lol.





and whats comedy I TOOK OFF MY COMMENTS STUPID


This is called venting..

OH but since I got your attention.. which I'm sure out of my 19,000 "Friends" on myspace.. you are probably a male..off topic but 2 things never say to a female..

CALM DOWN
RELAX

thank me for that one.. cuz thats the closest thing to getting .. you on your period? kiss your ass good bye on that lol.





I'm a lil annoyed right now.. so I'm sure this is entertaining =)

Michelle Rodriguez- You can call me Mrs. A-ROD!


We all have those lusts, crushes, just the sight sends chills and eyes get all watery (and for others alot of other parts moist!).. goose bumps, adrenaline.. etc..

This is mine.. Michelle Rodriguez. Ay dios! Michelle is someone who I'm infatuated with Healthy not psycho or obessed... admiration mostly... Mad attraction to her.. I'm talken.. everything about her is like DAYUM! if she had tatts.. YA SE ACABO! it's a done deal homey!

I love her accent.. that new york accent is hella sexy to me.

Have you seen her in S.W.A.T? omg words can't describe.




From what I know she is NOT a lesbian. Cool. I'll probably never meet her so I can lust as much as I want to myself.. Hey people do it with Angelina Jolie.. WHO IS ANOTHER ONE I WOULDN'T MIND!!!!, People do it with Pamela Anderson, Kim Kardashian DAYUM!, Adrianna Lima.. etc. Just like girls do it with Brad Pitt or George Clooney.









I have a thing for dark hair, tatts, not to thin but average or a little meat.. tank tops with some dickies or whatever with some chucks, DC'S.. shit like that.. can't comprehend what that does to me lol. , piercings are cute to.. I like tomboys.. duh. Not dykes or butch's.. a little but someone like Michelle. I've been with someone like this every single fucken thing was so perfect.. to me she was the most cutest, beautiful, sexiest of all.. the sexual attraction was like no other. Still is. but hey moven on. .

I don't like girls who try to act like dudes. it's hard to explain but Michelle is definitly my type. I like girly girls to .. I love sharing clothes and shit lol. Maybe she is the ideal. and probably I put the standards high to where it's un realistic .. it is what it is..

So you can call me Mrs. A-Rod =)

Save the lines for your nose

Ok so you know the saying "you can catch more bee's with Honey then Vinegar".. something like that.. I think?

Well shit call me a salad!

I really can't stand mushy bullshit.. LINES LINES LINES.. save them for your nose.

to be honest. the more you come off real and not on my nutt with all kinds of sweet bullshit blah blah blahhhhhhhh is when I let my guard down and will converse with you openly and respectfully.

It's the ones who hit me up hella cool and normal and not tryen to ask me about my relationship status, or the obvious trying to get to know me in a way that is hopefull on their part to date me or whatever their game plan is.. literally.

I'm not saying be cold and show no emotion or affection cuz I'm 104950458408% affectionate. I love that shit! very PDA!

RARE when I'm with someone .. I'm all bout cute mushy sweet awww puppy shit.. I am totally the perfect chick.. I come off hard but I know what I want and what I don't. I dont waste peoples time..
I'm gonna explain a couple scenarios of what I mean.

1. Typical Guy hit on girl -- girl hit on girl-- guy hit on guy- well most guy on guy theyre usually both horniados and wanna pass the small talk and get down with tha get down

Everyone knows I have a huge issue with anyone callen me MAMI or SEXY. nigga I ain't your mami and my name isn't pronounced SEXY.

ESPECIALLY REGARDING WORK. That's the worst .. if your going into a meeting would you call the potential associate "sup mami check out my tracks" FUCK NO. that already makes me think LAME.

Why do I hate this? because it's so fucken general and tryen to be smooth, it's not personable,. it's gay and not in the good way. Seriously .. do you think thats gonna make someone all gushy and wet? like stars are dilating from my eyes and my hearts gonna pound out with lil sparkles? get the fuck out of here with that.. maybe 15 year olds dig it.. but i don't.


or lets take me for example.. girls who hit me up... All mushy and shit.. sayen sweet shit and tryen to come off alllllllllll concerned and perfect, caring and acting like I've known them, met them or have established a "relationship". OMG I hate sweet shit but I dispiseeeee the horny broads all ghetto flirty, desperate flirty.. WACKALA. Bitch please.. it ain't that serious.

Oh damn and the ones who hit me up with that BULLSHIT "soul mate, beach, stars, moon, forever, hearts, in love, in lust, fallen for you, BLAH BLAH BLAH. trick please you don't even know me, never met me .. or if they did meet me somewhere and they got my number or something they throw that shit? Sit on the bench homey.. your game is wack.

It's when the girl comes at me NOT trying to hit on me.. if she's really interested she will make it known but not pushy. I have persistant ones, I think it's cute. but there is some that always see me as a challenge. I'm straight up. I tell them all.. Not interested, getting out of a bad relationship, not ready to go there... not ready to open up. It's gonna take someone with alot of GENUINE PATIENCE and not waiting to go for the kill.

To be honest I get alot of kiss assing from people on myspace, people in the scene, people at shows, people who put me on a pedestal.

I AM NOT saying the ones who compliment or actually appreciate what I do or write.. thats genuine and I love that.

I'm saying the ones who obviously kiss my ass for their own intent and agenda..

I'm not stupid. I know the difference and I know the rattle of a snake.

I get alot of compliments from people who respect what I do and maybe how I write or what have you, and thats dope cuz to be honest I don't really see myself as this profound promoter or marketer or "REAL" as I have been told. I think it's an illusion they have of me.

And thats fine I just don't ever want to be seen as higher then them or theyre not at my level and be so in awe? or going out of their way to make sure I'm cool or don't want to say anything wrong to me or like all intimidated.. thats the most assumption is I am intimidating? I'm not a superstar. ACTUALLY I don't give a fuck who you are.. just cuz you act or sing or a dope lyricist I don't think anyone is above the rest of us. Sure I get star struck or have to express how much appreciation I have and I'm guilty of being intimidated and shy .. but I don't stick around and wanna kick it.



So kids.. Less is more..

I don't play hard to get.. I'm just not easy to catch.. the chase is always better then the kill.. But I'm not prey.

"ADD MY MUSIC, COMMENT MY PICS- HELL NAW

Im not mad but for the ones who don't get how a female can express her opinion without being "mad" "on the "rag" or the famous "damn someone pissed you off"

stupid..


For one I'm not gonna comment your pics and sign your guest book & "tell me what you think"

A. Asking me to comment your pic is a forced compliment.. I'm not here to boost your ego.

B. I rarely sign guest books.. IT'S THE SAME AS A PINCHE COMMENT

C. What if I tell you what I think isn't good? then what?


anywho...... I find it COMEDY how out of my messages there's always the ones who aren't even on my friends lists callen me "FAM"

what up "FAM" peep out my tracks..

or if they just requested and I added them..

"GOOD LOOKEN OUT FAM.. HOOK IT UP REPOST MY BULLETINS"

OR THE ALWAYS ANNOYING

EY FAM CHECK OUT MY TRACKS
LEAVE A COMMENT
ADD ME TO YOUR TOP
SIGN MY GUEST BOOK
TELL EVERYONE TO VOTE FOR ME
BIG UPS TO EVERYONE AND MY MOMMA FOR THE "SUPPORT"
PAY MY BILLS
CALL ME GOD
NAME YOUR KIDS AFTER ME
ETC................................. LOL.



THIS DOESN'T APPLY TO THE ONES I'VE KNOWN, THE EMCEE'S, GRAFF HEADS, HOMEYS, SUPPORTERS, COO ASS PEEPS WHO I CONVERSE WITH..
I DONT MIND THAT ..

BUT IT'S THE ONES WHO I DON'T EVEN KNOW? OUT OF NO WHERE POP UP..

THINK JUST CUZ THEY "LATINO, MEXICAN, HISPANIC, SPANARD, BLAH BLAH BLAH "WE FAM" CUZ I ADDED YOU OR YOU WANT SOMETHING FROM ME............................................

YOU EVER GET THOSE MESSAGES?

FAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM - AND IF I DON'T.. YOU DISOWN ME? AM I OUTTA THE WILL NINJA? LOL.





LOL SORRY I HAD TO SHARE! =)

ABOUT TO TURN 26.. NOT HAPPY!

NOT HAPPY ...

EVERYONE'S ASKING ME WHAT I'M DOING.. EXPECTING ME TO SAY A BIG ASS BASH ASKING ME WHO'S GONNA BE THERE .. MAYBE EXPECTING EVERYONE I WORK FOR.. AND PEEPS IN THE MUSIC SCENE

I'VE HAD B-DAY PARTYS AND BASHES FOR A COUPLE YEARS NOW..

BUT THIS TIME I DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING.. NOT THAT I'M SAD OR DEPRESSED.. I JUST REALLY WANT TO KEEP IT LOW KEY. I DONT WANT DINNERS, PRESENTS, ETC..

WELL PRESENTS ARE ALWAYS NICE ALL YEAR AROUND! LOLLL


I HATED WHEN I TURNED 25.. STILL CAN'T BRING MYSELF TO SAY THAT NUMBER...

I'LL CELEBRATE WHEN I HIT 30.. I'M SURE I WILL BE WISHEN I WAS 26...

AFTER THAT IM CELEBRATEN 21 OVER AND OVER AGAIN ...

I KNOW MY FRIENDS WHO ARE OLDER LAUGH WHEN I TELL THEM 26 IS AWFULL TO ME PERSONALLY.............AND I'M STILL YOUNG. BLAH.


FUNNY HOW I LOOK AT 19 YEAR OLDS.. I THINK WHAT PUPPYS!

THEN 21 YEAR OLDS.. BABYS..


I KNOW WHEN I WAS 16. I THOUGHT I WAS OLD ENOUGH TO LIVE A RESPONSIBLE LIFE.. THEN AT 18 OUT OF SCHOOL YOU THINK YOUR AN ADULT AND 30 SEEMS SO FAR AWAY ... AIN'T NOTHEN.. SAME SHIT PROBABLY?

I'M GRATEFULL FOR THE EXPERIENCES I'VE HAD GONE THROUGH .. PLENTY OF BAD.. MISTAKES I STILL HAVEN'T LEARNED! HOPEFULLY I'LL FINALLY GET IT ...

BUT FOR THE GOOD.. MATURING AND GROWING.. I WOULDN'T CHANGE THAT..

MY FRIEND HAD A QUOTE "NEVER REGRET ANYTHING BECAUSE AT THE TIME IT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANTED"

THE CRAZY THING ABOUT LIFE.. WHEN OLDER PEOPLE TELL YOU "YOU WILL UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU GROW UP"

THATS 1 THING IN LIFE WE ALL HAVE TO GO THROUGH AND PASS IT ON TO THE YOUNGER GENERATION.. THE CATCH IS.. YOU CAN'T SPEED TIME AND YOU CAN'T JUMP YEARS AHEAD.. THERE IS NO TIME MACHINE.. NO "BACK TO THE FUTURE" YOU HAVE TO LIVE IT ..

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER I DIDN'T WANT TO LISTEN TO MY ELDERS, PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN AROUND SINCE THE 30'S OR 40'S.. AND NOW I LOVE TO CONVERSE ABOUT THEIR LIFE, LIFE LESSONS REGARDLESS OF HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED.. BECAUSE HUMAN EXPERIENCES AND ACTIONS.. BEHAVIORS ARE TIMELESS..

SO IF YOU KNOW ANYONE WHO IS CONSIDERD "OLDER" I WOULD PICK THEIR BRAIN.. MAYBE CHANGE YOUR OUTLOOK AND VENTURE INTO ANOTHER DIRECTION AND PATH.


AIGHT ENOUGH OF THE DEEP THOUGHT SHIZZNETS....

I'M STILL HAPPY I ALWAYS GET CARDED.. ONE THING ABOUT MY GENES EVERYONE LOOKS A GOOD 15 YEARS YOUNGER.. I ALWAYS GET TOLD I LOOK 22.. WORKS FOR ME! =)

HAPPY B-DAY TO ALL MY FELLOW LEOS!!!!

ANYWHO.......... I STILL WON'T SAY THE NUMBER OUTLOUD! LOL.

-SO today is my B-day. I sayed a little prayer before midnight! Ahhh 26! damn now I an adult.

My mom left me a bday card in front of the computer lol. she knows me well. The card was simple.. she always gets me the most clever b-day cards. and more importantly always writes the most heart felt things in the word. My mom spoils me everyday so everyday is like my b-day. Even though every single day of my life my mom tells me she loves me and shows it, this card makes me BALL! like a little girl!

I took a pic of the front and the back. I















Monday, August 4, 2008

Take the fork out of your mouth.


Is a favorite saying from my mom. as a child I was a typical normal girl, normal weight. I entered into beauty pageants, Modeling school the whole 9. My mom wasn't a stage mom, if I wanted to do it she would put me anything, if I wanted to stop I would simply stop. When I was younger people thought I was pacific Islander or Filipino.. I have dark hair and I guess my features and skin color? Obviously My blonde highlights is not my natural color. I went through the ugliest stage in middle school. I wasn't very pretty, I got chubby, Puberty was a biotch!. My grandmother was very obessed with weight and image. I think because she was a model, She has turquose eyes beautiful.

I am half south american andMexican of course sprinked with god knows what thanks to the spanish lol. My family is from Venezuela and other parts of South America. So all my cousins have beautiful eyes, blonde hair, tall, thin, absolutely gorgeous. 2 of my favorite cousins were always the pretty ones and I was always the dark (back then I use to be in the sun alot) chubby one. There was always candy around, and I love me some chocolate! but My "grandmother" always checked whatever I was eating, I remember being around 5? and my mom was giving me a bath and my mom was told I was getting to chubby and she wanted to weigh me, growing up always looking at things I would put on my plate. My mom wouldn't take me around her because it was to much negative that she knew would influence me and give me a negative body image.. well it did. It was always bout the way I looked, If I didn't weigh a certain size or fit I wasn't slim enough I was criticized or shunned. Literally. My Mothers father was the same fucken way.

So I have this thing in my head that I am worth the number on a scale, and If I don't have a flat stomach or I'm not fitting right in my clothes I am a disgrace to the outside world. I look at other girls who are really chubby and big boned, they go out in the world no problem so why do I feel I am going to be in "trouble" if I had a bulge or my shirt was a tad to tight. I admire girls are a bit heavy and are totally comfortable with them selfs. I would sit towards the wall so no one can see me eat. I would worry if people were watching how much I put on my plate. . I still have that complex. I am a slave to a number. Sometimes I think subconsciously we become self destructive to punish ourselves or "Rebel" against those who taunt us. So we gain weight to piss them off when in reality it's only harming ourselves. I don't have a scale in my house.

I

In highschool I went through my chola phase more like the tom boy phase. Then when I got out of "highschool" I started to dress more girly. I didn't own a skirt or heels till I was about 22? I was never as big as I saw my self. I'm 5'5 and the most I weighed was 173? I am not big boned so I carried it well. but to me I was a bubble that needed to be popped. I went on weight watchers, I use to think counting "points" was to much for me. I joined and it was the shit! I lost like 30 pounds easy. It's a great program. I would go off when I reached my goal.. go out.. eating late.. then I would re-join and keep loosing.. I always thought If I reached a number my life would be PERFECT. People who knew me back then don't recognize me for shit or they are like OMG. And I'm sure if you look at my pics you couldn't imagine me having these issues. So when I'm told how beautiful I am or blah blah blah I don't belive it in the least. If they know me how I am on the inside then okay.

I don't have big boobs, like i did when I was chubbier lol. I don't have a big ass. So I think.. well who would want me or think I'm attractive because I don't have that luxury I wasn't "blessed" I know I have other things I am always complimented on. I do want some work done, I am going to get a boob job in the future, FOR me not for anyone else. I want a couple of other work done. Thats my personal choice.

So back in 06 I started gaining weight again and was in deep depression. This ass tryed to pick up on me and I made a comment back messing around but he took it as a diss.. and he went from praising how much he liked me to calling me a groupie.. so original right? lol and how I was to fat to be in my skirts and blah blah blah... That really got to me but it was such a fucken motivation. for someone reason that just got to me. I got better mentally and in 07 got on some meds ( I wrote a blog about this) and I went vegan. I read this book that changed my life in 06 I stopped eating meat. but in 07 in January I went full vegan. I lost so much weight.. Vegan is completely healthy, it's really the life style thats very god like. I will touch on this subject in another blog to really educate the ignorant.

3 months later I was working a U.N.I.T.Y event and ran the door.. everyone and their momma was shocked and immediately some people's attitudes were so different, so praising, so positive. amazing right? My mom's parents all of a sudden couldn't stop conversing with me, They are so shallow that it's when I looked good they had so much to say, all of a sudden I was worthy of their attention, I wasn't ignored and I wasn't just in the shadow. Needless to say I dont speak to some of them.

Anywho being in the industry like I am, it's a lot of pressure, I have never been told what to look like or weigh, not at all because I am respected for being myself. Sure some dudes try to pick up on me but I correct them. I am asked to host or be interviewed on camera which totally adds weight and I'm always self conscious so I try to stay away and some oppurtunies I probably missed. At shows and events I try to look descent and a certain way that grabs attention, sex sells I dont sell sex but I have a confidence that draws in people, I dunno why I just do. I love skirts and stilletos.. but My ass is never hanging out nor is my chest. You don't have to show alot, I have long legs and I like high ass shoes to give me length and I like to be tall!

I have gained a little weight and it's fucking with me. I am now trying to get back into eating right and exercising . I do get discouraged sometimes so I wanna say fuck it and eat. or I'll start tomorrow or Monday. I know what to eat and what not to. I have some "Friends" who know I'm trying to do better and purposely try to feed me shit and get me off track for their own insecurities. I have a low will power unless I'm in my zone so I try to stay away. Instead of "lets meet for lunch" we should do something else.

I am not as a fat ass like I think I am. I am still obsessed with a number, I am still obsessed with the way I look and not being good enough. I am not ashamed to say it because I know there is alot of other females out there who don't know if anyone else goes through it or is to embarrassed people will judge them. Everytime I complain my mom tells me "Take the fork out of your mouth" My mom is always hella supportive, when I ask her if I look fat, she will say no but why don't you try on something more flattering or "Your body is just giving you feedback"

I totally suggest and back Weight Watchers 100000%. It's not to vegan friendly however it does cater to vegetarians. It's hella easy and you can literally eat whatever you want.. but it teaches you how much you should have.

I know alot of people who go for the quick fixes. I have as well. But I know it's going to come right back. I'm not judging anyone but even when simple shit like Weight Watchers are offered or they go on the plan then get off.. it's like well what the fuck do you want then? you gotta open your mind and try it. Not everything is going to be eays and obviously over eating is.. so stop being lazy and expect a miracle. Weight Watchers is the fucken closest your gonna get. Granted, not every plan is going to be right for you. Weight Watchers may work and it may not. I just know for me personally I tried alot of things, I had a negative stubborn attitude and I thank god Weight Watchers helped me.

I hear the excuses.. we all have them. There is always the stereo-types with weight watchers but I know for a fact the one I went to close to my house is the shit. You don't weigh in front of people, You don't have to go to the meetings Which helped me. You don't even need to go in weekly to get weighed. You can buy the 2 books and some materials and do it on your own.

If you read and educated yourself on what is in 99% of processed foods and shit you eat everyday.. you would go vegan as well. '

Anyways. thats my story.

-Update.

Kevin recently commented.. like a couple others.. about a couple things I wrote.. It's not a contradiction..

"I don't have a big ass. So I think.. well who would want me or think I'm attractive because I don't have that luxury I wasn't "blessed" I know I have other things I am always complimented on. I do want some work done, I am going to get a boob job in the future, FOR me not for anyone else. I want a couple of other work done. Thats my personal choice."

I appreciate Kevin for taking the time to read my long ass blog and take the time to take in what I sayed.

I know it may come off as a contradiction.. but It's really not.. why? easy. Think about it. It's like having a good size chest and it going down because of the weight loss..Breast are made of Fat. I miss that personally, I like it for ME, of course I know the most would probably be looking at my chest then in my face.. and if you read my previous blogs or know me personally I can sense that shit and correct anyone commen at me remotely with game. I'm not talken bout getting a fucken size D or E.. a natural C is good with me.

It's like when I trim my hair.. I love my long hair! but when I have cut it short (rare) I feel different, I don't like way it looks or frames my face. There's a verse in Chino XL's song "What you looking at" Where he says "I refuse to do this for everyone else, like a blind chick with a boob job"

It's so easy to say I shouldn't care what other people think, and true beauty isn't perfection on the outside but on the inside. Yea I get that, loud and clear. But it's like a deformity to me personally and I simply like filling out a shirt or cute ass bra's.. I'm not flat mind you.. I'm not a size A.. I want to be a C again like before. Thats ME. I don't care if everyone else will probably like it.. I want to do it for ME. no one else. Some may consider this as a contraction to the way I write about not having the body of "what society expects females to look like" I don't give a fuck.. obviously if I did I would totally flaunt myself. But I don't. I also want some other work done.. why? I'm not talking about altering my face or vain superficial shit to look like barbie.. but minor shit. and If people can't get that.. well to is own. We can agree to disagree. =)

You have no idea what your eating

This is going to be a very informational blog. I will be putting alot of information very soon.