Wednesday, September 17, 2008

How do you get over being the Rebound?

Ever been through that? I have.

My experience was a fucken novela. I swear to god. I should write a book when I get older.

The first time you ever ever ever go back on your word .. example "Don't call me again" or something to that in the begining.. the minuteeeeeee you fall for their shit.. is the start of the never ending shit.. why? cuz YOU WENT BACK ON YOUR WORD which only shows.. YOU WILL ALWAYS GO BACK.. I swear to you on everything............... you lost that initial respect. and from there homey.. that person will know.. you don't mean what you say..


of course were all guilty of it.. cuz you think well.. "I'LL LET THIS ONE GO BUT YOU BETTER NOT.. BLAH BLAH BLAH" or maybe they learned their lesson for the next time? WRONG WRONG WRONG. I know it's so fucken easy and tempting cuz you prolly think.. well what if I missed out on something? or whatever. you just gotta hope that if you give that person a 2nd chance.. you will stand your ground and there won't be a next time if all fails.

You know what sucks is when your used for rebound cuz they aren't over their ex.. no matter how many signs and red flags or the most obvious.. you see and read it with your own eyes.... but you think your the main one cuz after all your always with them. In reality you may be filling a void for the one they weren't with any longer..or.. maybe they are going back and forth with their ex, cuz in essence you know deep down if they work it out.. your no longer needed.

Security Blanket is the way I see it when your still a Rebound but now they know you are totally loyal and devoted to them so while they do what they want, confuse..manipulate.. lie, etc your not going anywhere because they got it like that. They will be all sweet and nice when you start to now get it and now treat them like whatever.. but when they feel like whatever with you.. they know your ass ain't going anywhere. They will spend Holidays with you cuz they dont want to be alone. They will have you practically live with them, they will always have you around so your thinking this is serious.. it's really not.

Transition is when they may be getting over their ex.. or simply they are moving on from their past relationship.. your ass ain't going anywhere so fuck it.. they start to get bored or wanna do their own thing ... they don't care anymore really..if they ever really did. Maybe they will say sorry cuz the rare emotion they have to show is guilt.... but your were used....

Your used boost their ego.. and when you start to get pist and call it off or get mad.. then they magically kiss your ass and BAM your the submissive one again and they are the dominant, they control everything without have to say a word. The mind games are what is the base of everything. The more they show no emotion is when you do more to prove to them you only want them.. when they fucken know it.. and the way to keep your ass thinking they give a fuck.. they "keep their love out of your reach" in addition they make you feel like your the reason you guys can't progress, your the one that "stops them from loving" you. Or your always the reason they fight.. but if you think about it.. you know deep down shit ain't right.. and YOU don't want to get hurt so of course you think you can't take their shit and their lies, cuz you know whats going on! so you complain and talk shit cuz it's true .. or you find or hear something and your like .. you know what.. it's over, or dont call me or whatever.. because you really think your done.. so of course they use it as "your always breaking up with me "or "your always wanting to end it.." but like I sayed.. you dont want to get hurt.. so you tell them well.. if you tell them why you do act a certain way cuz you don't believe them they tell you "it's in your head" it's the classic case of denying cuz they know you are right.

they have no fucken intentions to be serious with you and if they do it's cuz their ex moved on hun.......... trust me lol I know. it's when their ex wants them back is when they treat you like shit cuz fuck it.. your no longer needed.

And when they magically realize they do want to be with you, when a couple weeks prior they told you they didn't want to be with you in a relationship, that they're not into you as your into them, that your just dating..
So all of a sudden your like wtf? your confused! and when you ask why all of a sudden? they give you just enough of a semi reason.. but when your like nope! then they want you back or want to work it out? but it's cuz either the person they are not over really hurt them so they SETTLE .. SETTLE.. SETTLE.. for you. nothing will change if you get with them.. it prolly will be worse till they pick a fight to break it off for some reason.........................

then you really see you Never mattered is when you know you were there for them, spoil the shit out of them, treated, showed and sayed over and over.. but they go back to their ex or move on like a month later without no shame, no "sorry" .. and your like wtf? that is the worse.. secretly your waiting for the typical drama of you guys acting like it's over till they hit you up like nothing happened and it's always the same shit.. but this time.. it is over.. they aren't calling or texting or emailing..

then .. your trying to get over them but you can't stop crying, all you can think about is's all you talk about to your friends, you analyze.. of what you could have done.. what you could have changed... you attempt to send emails for stupid shit to get their attention and even though you know it's not healthy.. you still want that attention i guess and you feel completely low when they don't email back or if they do it's very short and condescending. very fake. Months and Months seems like you will never ever get over them.. ever. you wish, pray and hope you will. .. but you know for a fucken fact.. their ass is NOT feeling the same.. cuz they just didn't feel the same. your rebound time is up.

I hear alot of songs about karma.. the ones who want you back.. and you hear the ones where they do but now they dont want them back..

you never really hear the ones where they dont even care enough to have the shame to come back to you.. even when you know in their mind you were a tool, a puppet.. they just can not develope those feelings for you or see you as someone who is probably the best fucken thing that ever happend to them.. what boggles the mind is they desire the one who hurt them, the one who has done the most scanless things to them perhaps.. shit they wouldnt put up if you did! that is something I think about like wtf is that! -

but then if you think about it.. you put up with this persons shit .. so even when it wasnt to an extent.. you still allowed done to you by them.
what's crazy is you are the opposite of how their ex treated them.. so who wins.. good or bad?
In today's society.. bad is the most they will settle for.. the lucky thing for you .. even when you wanted them so bad regardless of all the bullshit you settled for.. you will understand you won't settle for the drama. cuz thats what you gotta be if you want someone to commit to you.

I think as a society, all the drama shows, etc. we put into kids and people's heads that relationships are only "real" if there is drama.. as if you have to have drama cuz that what "true love is" when it's really not.

I know some rare couples who don't have that fucken drama. It's not the norm but it's rare .. it shows you that is possible..

and why is it so many games????????????????????? what happened to both people actually likening eachother? genuinely ? where they love spending time with eachother.. where they want to make eachother happy.. no drama.. no fights.. no hurting eachother, open communication and trusts..

I guess because of how we see our parents or family relationships.. where do you see happily married couples? where do you see the honor and well being of eachothers relationships? it's always like I have expressed above.. one playing the other for either their past relationships or.. shit that has happened to them when they were younger.. it's the cycle .. it's a pattern.. it's "playing them before they play you" or it's not cool to be happy in a stable relationship.. what would everyone think? god forbid you have a genuine heart.........

Don't get me wrong.. not every relationship is going to work out.. even the ones who are happy.. people grow, they change and not sure what they want.. it's about how you go about it..

Past experience some of us have where you gave your all.. but you end up feeling used, feeling like you never mattered.. it sucks.. especially the cases where they went back to her sucks when you don't want to know what they are doing or going.. you end up hearing from mutal friends or something.. Best thing to do is distance yourself for a bit or let them know you don't want to know. I guess no matter how perfect you could have been..who cared? and what can you do if that person didn't treat you as good as they treated their ex.. but i guess you don't get what you give nor what you deserve.

in one of my experiences 1 of my oldest friends.. really only actual true friend I may have.. couldn't believe the bullshit I put up with.. even though she told me constantly what was really going on.. I ignored it. time after time after time, every fucken day was some drama.. I lost alot of weight at one point from all the anxiety.

and people who are in my life now.. can not fathem the idea of me being sweet and can totally treeat someone like a god and do anything for them, I don't mean like the person I am now I'm saying when I'm with someone which is RARE... I am submissive.. I just want to take care of someone in every way possible. I don't ask what they are doing.. who are they with.. why this or that.. I think I give to much and maybe they don't know how to deal with that? maybe they aren't used to it. maybe I personally go after the ones who are emotionally unavailable but so naive cuz in the begining of course they are on my jock.. I have always sayed "The chase is better than the kill".. someone recently told me .. I act hard.. like I wont take shit or I would be like whatever and cold.. but that in my eyes shows I am genuine and have a great heart.. sure he's right.. but i told him .. then why do I end up with the ones who are emotionally unavailable .. the ones who are not worthy worth a penny for the love I give.. and he sayed something that clicked ... "Because they are interested in you as someone who is hard and a challenge.. so when you let your guard down and become something they dont expect.. they loose interest".

So now I'm like.. okay???????? obviously I'm very respectful of myself, I find people can see that and see me as a challenge, i get that shit alot. so I don;t know who is genuinely into me..
BUT now.. I can't trust my own judgment until I really search in myself.. why the hell do I choose these types?

There are some girls right now who seem to be really interested in me, but even after I told them I am not interested they still pursue and try. You hear the stories where a girl and guy for instance.. the dude is totally seeking the girl but she wants nothing to ever do with him, but he doesn't give up and she gives in and thats probably her soul mate or something..

The other side that I see from that is .. If I'm telling them I have no interest, I don't reply back to them for days.. I don't answer messages or whatever.. and they keep hitting me up over and over.. that kinda makes me think.. they either like being turned down and like to be rejected. I'm not leading them on cuz I tell them when their messages gets to fucken cheesy. I hate that shit. Stars, moons, beautiful roses, blah blah blah. If it was coming from someone I was with .. then cool but if not.. save the lines for your nose.

I give excellent advice.. I get shit.. but of course... when your in it.. you don't see the signs.. you are so confused.. so when people tell me their troubles It's totally obvious to me.. I didn't practice what I preached before .. but I do now. I am guarded like a motha fucka. and I HATE when people say "oh you shouldn't be so guarded" first of all "shouldn't" isn't a word you should tell anyone.. key to someone being defensive. or love this, fate this, keep trying.. cant keep shutting people out or "not everyone is the same".. BLAH BLAH BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. duh foo I know that shit.

People ask me why I don't go out there and date.. I won't. I'm not ready.. and I would never do what she did to me.. Im not completely over her.. so why date someone when I'm not give someone a fair chance? It's not in my being to play someone or have someone around as a rebound.. My mind doesn't work like that, I don't play games...

Getting over someone .. it's a process that kills and you think you could never get over.. I researched, read other similar shit people went through.. I think about actors and high profile people that the media exploits so much.. they got through it.. they found someone else..they moved on and I guess the lucky ones go from a bad experience to someone new who they are totally happy with
I'm sure they thought they would never find someone, or be with someone who actually loves and cares for them.

I've been told YOU WILL GET OVER IT .. You will it MAY NOT SEEM LIKE IT NOW.. but you will. I get so frustrated with myself of all the time , everyday, for months of crying, being totally devastated, feeling mad, angry, sad, depressed. Waiting for the day you can shake your head in the future hopefully in the near future like.. damn.. you spent so much energy when they weren't worth it.. time wasted.. all the time you isolated yourself, shit you missed cuz you didn't want to see them around .. or just plainly felt all this for nothing? when you know deep down they ain't feeling nearly a fucken mili-second of the same.. nor worried how your doing, though they already know well enough how they affect you. so you can choose to be like this or you can move on. It's not teaching them a lesson or letting them know what your going through so they can see how much they ment to you.. but for what? Like I've sayed.. they already have always known cuz they used it to their advantage every time. It's like the more you share with them what would kill or hurt you the most.. the more they do it to you! Why hurt someone over and over fuck with their head? wtf is that? sick validation of some sort.

You have to come to the point where you can finally say.. "I can choose to be stuck .. or I can move the fuck on and forward". Majority of the time you will realize that you can use the same energy you put into them and transfer it into your own life, your own progression.

what would you tell yourself if you were someone on the outside looking in? like everyone else has already told you the reality over and over.. but now you start to take ways of realizing and understanding into your own hands.

one way is you can compare the good and bad of what your situation with that person is.. if the cons out weigh the pros.. then I guess that is the answer.. it's a matter of not making excuses like we all do.. we only seem to see the things we miss about them then all the bad times that obviously dominated.

It's hard not to think of holidays, events or times you had with them.

I really dislike the way people put a time frame.. not only on your hurt or time when it's finally for you to move the fuck on.. but when others say "you weren't together that long to feel that bad" it's like wtf? is there a quota? a time frame to where your feelings will be validated or REAL? Just like death, everyone deals with it at their own pace.. you can do what I do.. you can't speed it up, ignore it.. go date someone else to so you won't be lonely (thats probably what the person who hurt you did with you!) .. There is no short fix.. so you can get drunk, deny it.. sleep with all these people. but you know deep down it's only a quick fix.. I recommend going through the emotions, don't give yourself a dead line. Everyone is different!

and if you hear that they are back with their ex or have moved on to someone.. it's hard not to feel like shit or you weren't enough. What I am learning is fuck it.. not my problem anymore, not my stress. and karma my dear. is a mofo!

I would always attempt to write out what was going on but couldn't get farther then a couple lines, I would get frustrated and throw the paper away. I got some journal notebooks, I've always been one to write down everything I did, went everyday in my calender.. I haven't in a while.. so since April.. right after it was done for good.. I mean after all the shit I put up with and I take responsibility for my part.. I wanted to write everything I felt, every night. I wanted to document this. So I can look back and see the progress.. my life is already a novela so it's filled with alot.

I have gone through 2 journals.. I look forward to writing in it every night.. it's where I can vent.. I don't write journal on blogs because in my journal no one can hack into my computer.. it's my thoughts, it's my alone time, it's my healing in a sense. There are times where I don't want to write in it, But those I feel are the times I should be writing in it to write out why I don't want to if that makes sense.

So many people especially girls always tell me how they admire me or I give them inspiration and inspiration by my blogs. I don't mind sharing cuz I want people to relate. I want to give information and advice that I wish I had. Maybe they see me as someone strong so to know that I am not perfect and I'm not the smartest one when it comes to relationships.. they can relate.

Ever since I was younger I would get a piece of paper.. draw a line in the middle.. write the month, day, year and time.. what is going on now.. like key points.. then on the other side date it 6 months from that date.. and basically have follow up questions or if new things are in place.. so like i would write "am i over them?" "am i dating anyone" "did I pick up some new clients", etc.. I haven't done that in a hot minute. I did recently.. the 6 month mark is approaching in October.. as much as things change in my life daily.. seems like it's not.. and things are going slow.

I am defenitly about 98% over the person I'm currently getting over.. at least I am most of that percentage most of the time lol? . I'm not where I want to be with this yet.. but I am sure not where I use to be! So I guess it does get better and I will get over it.

Hating them for hurting you or whatever isn't gonna solve anything.. sure it's easy for you to use that emotion! trust me! but why invest that much emotion when they are doin investing anything with you? I heard this quote before "Hating someone is like drinking a glass of poison and hoping they get hurt"... doesn't work right?..

The opposite of love my dear isn't hate.. it's INDIFFERENCE.. not the fake shit like OH I DONT GIVE A FUCK.. it's.. hmm no more lil hints and flirts to get their attention that you dont give a fuck. Showing you really don't give a fuck without having to try will in most cases stun them! Kill the with kindness my peeps!

When your at a certain place with this.. try to look back and imagine you in thier shoes.. Most of the time they probably didn't know what they wanted. I'm not defending them by any means trust me! , If they were with someone for years.. they shared alot and if you never been through that so of course it can be hard. You can try to understand and it's normal to not know what pain and hurt they went through. Maybe they didn't mean or realize with a good intention of what they were doing.. They could have been confused and having contact with their ex they probably wanted to make it work.. and could have had some feelings and good intentions with you.. but didn't want to get hurt even though they knew you were SAFE.. but you never know. Regardless of what you were, and it hurts to hear how they treat their ex or someone else better then you..
and if their their ex or someone new is the one they chooses to do so with then so be it.

It can confuse you if they would never open up. .. before you judge you can try to understand what they went through .. maybe it just wasn't your time.. and you moved to fast but to think and stress of the would have's, could have's. over analyzing

the way someone is with a friend is a whole different mind state when your in a relationship, feelings and maybe past experiences of family or past relationships come into play where in a way a negative side comes out. You may think you were perdect but in realy no one is ever really an angel, .

I know the hurt that when you give your all and was good to them, but if they wanted someone who wasn't. but who am I to say the one they want isn't good for them? people love who they love regardless of their flaws or traits.. so you can't dictate or tell them how they should feel for who! it is what it is.. we may not understand why people do things.. but it's not up to me to judge.

When you hear they got back with their ex or someone new.. when your at a peacefull place you can try to be happy for them, of course it will hurt like hell!, and it stung for a bit but for sometime and you will feel stupid... but it will like a weight lifted.

You can't make everyone happy and everyone can't make you happy. people come in your life for a reason. "You learn more from your mistakes then your victories".

For a while I had myself to put little sayings on my background on my phone so whenever I looked at it.. It would remind me not to cry.. and I don't mean just cry I mean the pain and emotion of when your crying and you take a breath and that pain comes up your throat you get this strong pain in your stomach.. feels like it's in your soul .. where you feel helpess, you feel alone and you feel in a way abondand? it's that heartbreak cry.. different from a familys death, a sad movie or a pet dying.

I know I was in the stages of moving on when I didn't cry.. I could listen to some songs, or watch movies or t.v shows we always watched. I don't want to email if I see something that reminded me of crosses my mind, alot of things remind me . Now.. I feel like that dark shadow of being so hurt by everything .. where feels like I'm chained to not being enough and still have intense feelings .. IS almost gone. I'm still really cool with the family and friends, I love and adore them, good people.. . But I had to distance myself for a bit.. and now it's cool, I have gotten nervous as fuck the couple times I thought I would run into my ex at stuff so far I haven't. I dont want the feelings to go back if I see. took me a while to just not get all sad when I would see pictures But the universe has already shown me .. it was an experience and a lesson.. as I'm sure I was too! and we aren't on the same path for eachothers life.

I made a previous blog about songs and videos that helped me. and another one of the definition of rebound.

So now...
My Trust. & My Heart.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

love reading your blogs....!