Sunday, July 26, 2009

Bad day

I'm in a really negative mind state right now, so I decided to just let it out on a blog. It's been a hot minute since I've blogged, I've been asked to but I have to be really wanting to.

I'm in one of those fucken moods where my tolerance for people that are annoying is very VERY low.

I suppose alot has to do with my period coming. This blog will NOT help the stereo-type.

Around my period I can get pretty emotional and almost violent mannerisms, hasn't happened in a while.

I'm not perfect, I know some people actually think I am, bless your heart but I am FAR from it. Everyone has bad days.

I guess I'm kind of dissapointed in myself because I do have almost a perfect comprehension of moods, the universe and my thoughts becoming reality.

Whenever something happens, I look to the positive, what's the lesson in this situation.

I've been LOOKING FORWARD to my period coming, I am watching what I eat and working out, my weight is number 1 right now priority to me. The good thing I love about getting my period is I can loose a good 4-6 pounds instantly if I drink tons of water, exercise and watch what I eat.

I know it's coming any day.

So this morning I woke up, and as I'm laying in bed, 1 of my cats who is very attached to me, throws up before I can move some articles that I had next to me, she got it on my new bra and some jeans.

I WAS SO LIVID I was so fucking PIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn't even care if she was sick or whatever, I was SO MAD!

I planned to buy another bra this week anyway but I was SO MAD. I knew honestly I wasn't mad at her, and I should have had more compassion. I just looked at her and kept saying FUCK FUCK FUCK as I'm getting a trash bag to clean it up and throw the bra and jeans out.

so I immediately get ready, I had to buy some food for the week anyway. I couldn't find my fucking glasses, that annoyed me. So I go to to this one store and try on some bras, as in doing so when I put back on my black tank top I had white deodorant marks all on the fucking side of my shirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "BLACK DRESS APPROVED" MY ASS!

I was LIVID. I was starving, I just wanted to go get something to eat and go home. I ended up going to this other store not to far away and see if I can find anything there, I did find like 1 bra I liked. I didn't even really care for it but it shall do for now.

I went to get something to eat, and instead of just coming home, I parked in this big ass parking lot and faced away from everyone. I put on Michael Beckwith's "Life Visioning" Audio CD's and listened to it while I ate.

I then went to Whole foods, got some stuff then to Starbucks. That was a reaction to my negative feelings, I don't even really dig Starbucks but I got a frappachino. not good for the waste line, I thought it would make me "feel" better, but the end result it's not helping me get to where I want to go with my weight.

I come home and my mom is here. She took my glasses. I had a feeling, and countless times I've tooken her things, I can't really tell her shit.

I told her I had a bad day, I'm in a fucking mood. I watched t.v for a little bit then went on line. I have a couple new clients I need to work on some promo stuff for them.

I put on my headphones and blasted Sade.

I tweeted I was having a bad day and alot of people sent me really nice messages and vibes. I appreciate that immensely.

I find I work harder and more focused when I'm in a bad mood, weird right? I can be very snappy and cut anyone down to size, I just DON'T LIKE CUTESY BULLSHIT. I don't like being called a thousand cutesy names, If you fucking know my name then you don't need to shower me with some stupid love bug names, especially IF YOU NEVER MET ME. I'm not 2 years old so enough with artificial sweet bullshit.


Why can't people just converse with me AS AN ADULT.

Don't be condescending to me, I am intelligent, smart wise and clever. Don't dumb shit down cause I'm not the one to faltar.

So anyway, as I'm editing my myspace page, I'm getting to the fucking point of what I do since some people only see pictures and don't know how to take the time to fucking READ. If you want to know about what I do then READ WHAT I WROTE, if you don't have the time to do it, then I don't have the time to deal with you.


when I say I'm in a mood, I DONT FUCK AROUND.

I deal with to many ignorant people, lazy ass fuckers. NOT ALL but ALOT.

My mom is my soul, those who know me or have read anything I write know this, she's all I have. I ask her all the time where is she going when she leaves the house, yes it annoys her, BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHERE MY MOTHER IS GOING TO BE AT incase something happens. So she asks me if a hat looks good on her, I ask where is she going, she snaps at me for asking, and well I SNAP BACK, I told her "ONE DAY YOUR GOING TO MISS ME NOT ASKING YOU WHERE YOUR GOING", I said some shit that was a bit mean and I said some stuff that was very drastic and I know worry some to her. I blasted the music in my headphones and don't know what she said. I know where she was going though. I don't like how we left it. She left slammed the door and she's going some where an hour away, I already have anxiety about that.

Sometimes If I shut people out and stay angry and mad it "helps" me not have to "Care".

I've matured enough to know that helped me when I was young, but it doesn't serve me now as an adult.

I know better than ALL OF THIS. I know that all this shit today is very SMALL AND MINOR, and I'm always the FIRST one to say to my friends who are going through something:

If you can breathe, walk, move, see, hear and smile, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT. and on, and on.

I KNOW THIS. BUT I'm in a emotional body element and right now I'm in a mood where I'm in a low vibrating negative state.

My neighbor came over to pick up some stuff and asked what was wrong with my mom, she said hi to her and my mom kinda blew her off. This neighbor is a good friend of my mothers and me for many many years. She is the typical chismosa and likes to know the drama, so I watched what I told her. I know she knew I was in a bad mood even though I tried to just smile and get back to what I was doing. I can't fake things, I don't like to.

I'm venting.

for the ones who get this, kudos to you.

I know there's issues that's coming up and I know it's not all about me starting my period. I think it's a couple things bothering me, I feel overwhelmed about.

I'm a very nice, caring and compassionate person, I am human though, I'm not always so compassionate when I guess I should be.

I am a gifted smartass, I can chew you up and spit you out with my words, I'm very articulate with my writing and my assumption of some people who will read this and not sympathize for what it is .. but only what negative things *they* take from it, I can't deal with simple minded people, but god knows I am surrounded by many.

I just hope my mom comes home okay. I noticed she didn't take my glasses. I kind of wished she did.

I hope I didn't pass on any negative vibes to anyone reading this. Just picture yourself in a white light full of love and happiness =)

I am going to.

I don't think anyone is untouchable from my "wrath" right now. So if I say something very snappish I would say not to take it personal but it's probably what I feel at the time.

1 comment:

Angel1Ruiz said...

I feel you on that...don't eva let anyone tell you different.