Sunday, November 30, 2008


I haven't felt like blogging but trips me out that November 14th seems kind of far now.

I went to therapy to meet with a new therapist my psychiatrist and The Lady who did my testing and evaluation that was recommend to diagnose if I have just Depression, Bi-Polar or any mental issues.

Glad to say I am not Bi-polar, which I always knew, and I don't have any Psychotic Mental issues.

The testing really helped me. It opened my eyes and I was on really good path. switched up my insomnia, eating, etc.. I started taking my meds again.

I have chronic Depression, and of course issues.

anywho, I stopped going to my therapist of over a year earlier this year. I couldn't let him do his job because I just was annoyed with some shit. My mom has been going to him for a while and my psychiatrist had suggested that was not something I should continue.

I agreed to go to Therapy again, now that I am more educated and aware of things the test and evaluation had revealed. They spent hours and days trying to find a Therapist I would click with, they both know me very well. Not all Therapists will click or vibe right with you. So I called and right away the lady's voice I did NOT like.. her tone, etc.. I don't do well with authority or just that kind of vibe. But she was really the only one they highly recommended so I sayed okay I will try it out. I could be totally wrong, she could be very good.

I went and I didn't like it, I felt nervous, like she was observing me in a like.. looking me over kind of way. I just felt I wasn't being myself. I didn't like it. So BUT I sayed okay, I will give it another shot, and still the same thing. I was thinking well maybe it's just me.. maybe it's cuz she is asking me certain things and my automatic reaction is to block and get defensive or weird or whatever and that could be a good thing because then she can help me break through that. but Honestly after the first session.. I just felt like shit.. I started eating like whatever, I started staying up later and later.. I stopped taking my meds.. etc. So the 2nd time. I just didn't like it.

So I called her and told her I just didn't want to continue but thanked her for her time.

sometimes after I was finishing a sentence or explaining something she would just like nod her head processing what I just told her and kinda like I guess think to her self.. she would stare directly at me maybe because she was really thinking what to ask me next or evaluate what I just sayed but it was like a stare stare so I starred right back at her.. wtf was that

I see my Psychiatrist Wednesday. I kinda feel bad because the last time I saw her I was doing so fucken good and now .. I'm not doing horrible but I don't want to get up early, work out and blah blah blah. I am also very fucken moody because of my period coming I'm almost certain.

I don't know if I want to go to therapy anymore. I don't want to open up, I don't want to go there. I plan to have an energy healing session with my friend Janice, she is amazing!

I haven't taken the meds but I haven't gotten into a downward spiral like I did a a couple months ago. so I dunno but I did take them today. I took an anxiety pill.. so I should get up early unless I sleep for ever like I have been lately.

I do plan to get back on track.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ugh. I'm doing a distance healing on you tonight. That's it. :-)/ No more waiting. Time to step into a WHOLE new phase of your life.