L-Beatz Blogs

101 Things to be Thankful For

2009-12-02T10:12:00.000-08:00

Hi Guys!

While I am trying to set up the subcriber thingy to my website, I am letting you know I posted a new blog on 101 things to be Thankful for everyday

Here's the link

If you subscribe or follow my blogs...

2009-11-19T13:49:00.000-08:00

Guess what!

THANK YOU =)

Also, I am starting to finally get my own website up and running!

It's taken me months, I've always been told I should have my own website, but thought it would be to complicated, thanks to my friend Demics, he showed me how easy it is.

Thank god for WordPress Themes, FREE one's at that LOL.

I love my blogspot, but now I will be blogging and posting all kinds of stuff on my site.

www.LatinaBeatz.com

Not totally finished, so don't expect to much as of yet.

I will still post blogs on here, but primarily I will blog on my site =)

I am trying to set up the subscriber thingy on there, not sure if it will take.

Angel Card Readings F.A.Q's

2009-11-14T23:44:00.000-08:00

I love that so many people have come to me for Angel Card Readings. It was passed to me from my Spiritual Mentor Janice. I started doing them about a year ago and have loved the way it's helped people.

I put together a list of F.A.Q's to help answer everyones most asked questions about the readings.

What is an Angel Card Reading?

It's like a Tarot card Reading, except I use Angel Oracle Cards, it's a Deck of 44 Cards by Doreen Virture, each card has an Angel with a specific message. Anything you ask, the Angels will come through in the cards.

How do I get one?

Contact me via Email LBeatzOnline@gmail.com or through my Twitter/Myspace/Facebook.

What if I live out of state?

I do them via E-mail or through Instant Messengers like Aim, Yahoo, Gmail.

What info do you need from me?

I just need to know what you want to ask your Angels. I need you to let me know when you have some time so we can do the reading.

How do I know its my Angels?

We all have Angels, Spirit Guides, etc. They are always around us, ask and they will answer.

What if I don't believe in Angels?

That's your choice. If you chose to get a Reading, open your heart mind and soul to what the Angels will grace you with. Don't set yourself up to fail.

Is a card reading the only way to communicate with my Angels?

No, we are all Energy filled beings, just like with God and The Universe, You can speak to your Angels anytime, anywhere. The reason they come through in the Cards is because majority of people don't know how to receive, look for or even acknowledge messages, These card readings make it very easy to communicate with them.

How much is a reading?

I don't charge for a reading, I don't mind receiving donations for extensive reading requests, as it can be time consuming.

What is a reading like?

It's very positive and uplifting. Your Angels are here to help you and guide you, you will never receive a negative reading.

Can I ask anything?

Yes.

How many questions can I ask?

Due to the over whelming response, I don't mind answering up to 3 questions.

How will the Angels know what cards to pick/come through

Every reading is Accurate. I will ask you to mentally or silently ask your Angels to pick cards that will answer the question you have in mind. I will shuffle the cards, then ask you to let me know when to stop, the cards I pull out are the ones meant to answer your question.

Where can I get the Deck?

You can get them at Amazon.com or online.

Why do you give Readings?

I love communicating with my Angels, they have always answered my prayers. I love giving readings because I understand the spiritual world and I love helping people connect with their Angels. In all honesty, I love the way it makes the person I'm doing the reading for feel, the readings I have given people have helped everyone for the better.

Is this like Black Magic and Bad Spirits?

No. I don't dabble in that. Angels are from God, there is nothing negative when you communicate with Angels, 100% pure Love.

After the Reading what can I expect?

Peace.

How accurate is the Reading?

100% Accurate.

What if I get cards that have nothing to do with what I asked?

It's very important to know the Angels will use this communication tool of the reading to give you answers, insight and specific messages you haven't asked for, The reason for this is, they are trying to tell you something, so if you get disappointed in a certain card or reading that had nothing to do with what you specifically answered, Please understand it can be regarding something else that they are trying to tell you.

What if I don't know what to ask?

You can always ask your Angels what they would like you to know

What if I don't know who are my Angels or Spirit Guides?

You can always ask in the Reading

Can my deceased loved one/s come through

Of course.

How long does an Angel Reading take?

anywhere from 5-15 minutes.

If you love the card readings, I personally suggest 1 of my favorite books, "Messages From Your Angels" by Doreen Virtue. This is the book where the Angel Card Readings come from.

It has helped shaped my spiritual beliefs and I think everyone and anyone should read it, It has changed my life for the better. I blogged about this book and my personal experience that Angels exist..

Here is a excert of my experience while reading this book

"I'm almost done with reading the book "Messages From Your Angels". I had bookmarked from where I left off yesterday I opened it today and I just happened to re-read where I left off. I wasn't going to initially but it was on the top of the page...and it read: "Seeing Signs; Finding a feather, a coin, a stopped clock, moved objects in your home, lights flickering , or other visual oddities let you know that an angel is saying "Hello, I'm here" to you. As I read "Feathers" I thought feathers? I knew I wouldn't have any in the house we are very anti-fur and or animal skin. Only thing that would have feathers would be from my pillow I bought years ago....

So as I read that I looked saw like what looked like a little thing of white lint sticking out of the prior pages that are clumped together (I am towards the end of the book)
And sure enough it was a Feather!!!!!!!!!

How trippy is that right?

I took a pic of the Feather!

Internally Bleeding

2009-10-06T21:18:00.001-07:00

Just wanted to share this verse from Immortal Technique's song "Internally Bleeding" Revolutionary Vol 2.

This is to me the definition of what Depression feels like for me.

Internally bleeding, cold blooded
Stripped of emotion, I go through the motions, but there's no
Life in my eyes, it's like I'm hooked up to a respirator
Waiting to die, hooked up to the fucking chair
Waiting to fry, sooth an electrocution currently used
In my execution, producing thoughts at the speed of light
Burning confusion, I'm loosing my sight, breathing is tight
The evening is white, I made my peace with the Lord and now I
Stand on his right..

Death is a another part of life..
These are my last words, I'm having difficultly breathing
Dying on the inside, internally bleeding
Angel of death dragging me away while I'm sleeping
Watching my world crumble in front of me, searching for meaning
These are my last words, I'm having difficultly breathing
Dying on the inside, internally bleeding
Angel of death dragging me away while I'm sleeping
Watching my world crumble in front of me, searching for meaning

Crimes of The Heart

2009-09-30T19:01:00.000-07:00

"Crimes of The Heart" Yes another Immortal Technique song. (Off his latest "THE 3RD WORLD" In stores now".

On some serious shit I relate to alot of his music, as the rest of the world does. I wrote a blog before of songs that helped me get over my ex, but here's one I've been meaning to put up.

Getting over someone isn't easy and I thought I would never, still wondering if I can truely 100% get over this person. It's been over for a long time but feelings haven't ended that easy or I should say the hurt, it's gotten easier though. still waiting for the gauge in my heart and soul to reach the full 100% mark.

I put all of the lrycis but the ones in bold and italics is what I relate to the most.

Yea I turned 21 in prison locked up at night
Now I walk around free seems like another life
Another roll with some other dice
Another ho or a loving wife
People come and go some really you never know
Intellectual midgets that really never grow
Fake love that holds on like"can I hold you though?"
And old friends will look at you like "yo, yea I told you so"
A toast to the broken hearted
Who never finished what they fuckin started
People who go out and try to be a rebel at night
Try to make up for the fact that they settled in life
It's like a fight between the devil & Christ over the limelight
Spiritual celebrity poker
But the whole deck is full of jokers
And every year that you get older
The stakes get higher
Gambling with a bunch of fakes and liars
Real talk 'cause the real New York
Is the pain and the suffering of lost love
Staring off into the distance in the midst of the club
Depression and emptiness that lead to suicide
And the struggle inside of yourself that keeps you alive
Survived and medicated stalked by sobriety
The life that you live now tortured by memories violently
I pray inside of me that one day you could be forgiven
For murdering the beautiful world we used to live in

Love...doesn't need a complicated metaphor
And sometimes nothing needs to be said at all
Sometimes a person you with is not your one and only
And you just fuck with them because you afraid to be lonely
And when you come back its too late
So you overcompensate
Like victims of rape
Full of self hate

Lost in the affection to strangers around you

Instead of the only person that ever gave a fuck about you
Thought you were happy so you didn't come check me
But then when *she cheated or treated you incorrectly
You conveniently realized you could never forget me
And tried to crawl back in my life unexpectedly

These are my indictments
Of those who claim to be righteous
And leave a trail of broken hearts on their way to enlightenment
But I cant give into hatred or pass judgment
Even towards every illusion I've been in love with
'cause the heart that betrays itself willingly
Is like a nation that trades freedom for stability

Its so seductive to be cold and corrupted and isolated and try to be an independent republic
But liberty to be loved on the surface is worthless
The sacrifice of revolution with no purpose
Take it from a criminal searching for his redemption
Cursing at God desperately trying to get his attention

Wildfire help!

2009-09-01T12:19:00.001-07:00

My heart breaks every time I see the fires. I was driving on the freeway Saturday Night and saw a raging fire at the very top of the mountain. It looked something out of a crazy horror movie. The helicopters were like little tiny bugs fluttering francticaly around the huge rawring blaze, it looked scary, it felt scary and it smelled terrifing. All I could think of was the poor animals who have no where to go, they are so high up not even people can live.

I can't just sit and watch on T.V, I HAVE to be up close and personal, I NEED to be right there assistaing who ever I can help. I don't just want to drop shit off, I HAVE TO AND I NEED TO be in the mix, I have the luxory of working from home and on my time, I want to spend my days and nights helping these people, the animals and the fire fighters trying to end the fires.

When I am passionate about something I need to be hands on.

I seriously get teary eyed because I think of all the animals who have lost their home, Yes PEOPLE also lost their homes and that has to be absolutely devastating, however, animals can not simply stay with friends, rent an apartment or borrow food from a neighbor. Their ONLY salvation is US.

My mom has been a member of the Red Cross before I was a twinkle in her eye. I grew always being prepared for any emergency including earthquakes.

I think that's why it's so important to me that those in need get helped.

I don't think it's a coincidence I'm in promoting/marketing, getting the word out, that's how I make my money, it's my job. but right now I am so blessed and grateful that I have this knowledge in exact times like this. I have access to literally THOUSANDS of people, majority of people who just watch the fires going on in the news but probably succumb to their own problems they don't think they can help, not that they don't want to .. but just don't know how or may think what little they have to offer is not enough...

a Blanket can do wonders, a Tooth Brush or even a granola bar can make someones day. Especially if they are left with what is on their back.

This isn't a community fire, this is a wild fire, this is something so massive. These poor Animals just lost their home, they are living breathing things and NOW have NO WHERE to go. It's bad enough us greedy fucking humans keep plowing and building more and more into their homes, to where if they go a little further down the hills they get killed.

Isn't life hard enough to survive in the wilderness? and now all these beautiful trees and plants have died?

they are BURNED. ASHES. it will take months if not YEARS, and especially in Cali where we don't really have seasons, these poor creatures both big and small, animal and humans, mother nature and earth as one will have to start all over again, and in today's way of life it's not easy.

I'm not just a Animal Activist, I am a person who will always help out any other person, animal and the Mother Earth.

There are times like right now where the Animals need our help even more, not to where they are more important ( even though I personally think they are) but it's just a act of compassion.

so before I start getting hate mail for me caring more about an animal then a person, do me a favor, show me what you have done for your neighbor.. where do you volunteer? what human organizations are you involved with? giving a dollar to someone standing outside the market isn't what I will accept.

anywho, being frustrated with not enough adequate information to help everyone affected, I have taken it upon my own to contact those organizations, preferably the smaller ones, as I gather info from them I will be giving out the more known and trusted.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?
Many Many ways!

-Blankets both heavy and light sheets, pillows, anything bedding!
-Tooth Brushes, Razors, Shampoo/Conditioner, Soaps, etc

Think of things you use everyday and that should help you narrow it down.

LOTS AND LOTS OF WATER

HIT THE 99 CENT STORES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALSO! Contact the fire stations, drop off food and water, cards, etc These Fire Fighters need our help as well and our APPRECIATION FOR WHAT THEY ARE DOING!

The American Red Cross - Greater Los Angeles Chapter, in conjunction with Goodwill Southern California, are accepting donations for wildfire victims.

Donations can be both monetary (money), as well as clothes and items for the home.

Contact the American Red Cross at (310) 445-2685

To donate money or supplies to The Red Cross Please READ the official website ~!> RED CROSS

Visit Goodwill online HERE or call (888) 4-GOODWILL for more information on how to donate.

For Animals there are many that need your help!

Please GOOGLE animal shelters in your area if your near the fires, they will have info on where to drop off blankets, food, waters, toys, etc!

Please visit The Pasadena Human Society ~!> HERE

I LOVE THIS SITE- Gives you listings of every wildlife shelter and specific info on the various animals they take in, including phone numbers! PLEASE LOOK! ~!> HERE

Please don't let this be something you do in an emergency but rather something you do as part of your daily life. Even if you can't give money, it's your time that is more valuable. There is always a need to help people, animals and the Earth.

We are ALL ONE.

hit me up for ANY QUESTIONS! -LBEATZONLINE@GMAIL.COM

My 27th Birthday Party Info (8/21/09)

2009-08-10T16:46:00.000-07:00

I turn 27 in about 2 weeks. WOW. 27. ay dios!

I didn't celebrate last year, I don't regret it but now I want to.

I want to celebrate it at a dope spot that plays THE REAL HIP HOP shit, Reggae, etc. Nice cool spot, no trendy shit.

Thanks to my friend Ricky, I will be celebrating at The Mountain Bar in Downtown L.A, China Town district.

On my actual Birthday!

It's very low key, I wanted to make sure there wasn't a cover charge. I don't want people spending more money then they already have to everyday in today's society.

21 and over - There is NO Cover Charge

No Dress code, however, No Shorts on Guys. Hats, Jerseys, all O-TAY!

Actual Info:

For: Alexis aka LatinaBeatz 27th Birthday

Date: Friday, August 21st 2009

Time: I would say from 10pm and on. I am told Early Arrival Suggested. It gets packed.

Where: The Mountain Bar
475 Gin Ling Way
Los Angeles, CA 90012 (China Town)
www.themountainbar.com

Any questions feel free to email me directly LBeatzOnline@gmail.com

View Larger Map

THANKS TO MY COMPA PSYKO FOR THE FLIER!

Joss Stone-Lauryn Hill-MUSIC-SO DOPE!

2009-08-09T16:44:00.000-07:00

I LOVE Joss Stone. Love Love Love her. For her being from the UK and in her early 20's, she has this rare soul voice I love. She's total funk but also R&B

When I heard Lauryn Hill (1 of my ALL TIME FAVS) did a track with her, I WAS SHOCKED!

Not only is this BEAT hard as hell, Joss Stone's Lryics speak to music lovers everywhere

It's like a love song to Music.

I posted the Lryics below the video.

ENJOY!

Nothing in this world got me like you do baby
I'd give up my soul
If I couldn't sing with you daily
I'm not the only girl
In love with you it's crazy
I appreciate your groove
Now I know I owe everything to you

[CHORUS]
Music
I'm so in love with my music
The way you keep me
Movin
Ain't nobody doing what you're doing
Doing, doing
So bring me back to the day
When tape decks press play
DJ drop the needle til the
Record just break
You are my sunlight
You are the one mic
That sound so sweet because the beat just inspires me
Ooh

[VERSE]
No limit to your mind
Your endless love is open
To every race and kind
Could it be your blood runs golden
Baby if this world were mine
We would be singing in the Key of Life
When you're gone I can't survive
Cause I just can't be without my

[CHORUS]
Music
I'm so in love with my music
The way you keep me
Movin
Ain't nobody doing what you're doing
Doing, doing
So bring me back to the day
When tape decks press play
DJ drop the needle til the
Record just break
You are my sunlight
You are the one mic
That sound so sweet because the beat just inspires me
Ooh

[Lauryn]
Colours of sound
Scales and beauty
Audio scenery
Electric love and
Rhythmic symmetry
Written in memory
Beautifully crafted scenery
Complex or simplicity
Sonic energy
Piercing insensitivity
Sympathetic poetry
For some even identity
Collective entity
Something to belong to
A source of energy
The possibilities
Wave lengths and bandwith
Higher vibration
Energizing entire lands with
Or stand for
Lovers to walk hand in hand with
then plan for
Sanctuary chords
Harmony, melodies, even riffs can be
Disguised human essence
Sonically bottled ecstasy
Or melancholy
Agony blues angst
Exercising anxieties
Fueling entire societies
Making economies
Stimulating generating
Inspiration synonymously
Entertaining expression
Intangible invisible but undeniable
Plays the language of excitement on survival
Some call it tribal
But perspective is everything
Connected to everything
Some say collectively everything

[CHORUS]
Music
I'm so in love with my music
The way you keep me
Movin
Ain't nobody doing what you're doing
Doing, doing
So bring me back to the day
When tape decks press play
DJ drop the needle til the
Record just break
You are my sunlight
You are the one mic
That sound so sweet because the beat just inspires me
Ooh

"The Roof" Remix Mariah Carey Ft. Mobb Deep -MY FAV!

2009-08-09T13:59:00.001-07:00

I've always been a fan of Mariah, No one can sing like her. I respect the fact that unlike other Pop superstars who use Hip Hop classics without giving any credit, Mariah Does, She's done tracks with everyone from Jay-Z to ODB(Wu-Tang) R.I.P.

I remember I was in high school back in 97 when her "Butterfly" album came out, 1 of my fav albums of hers personally.

Last night I was youtube and came across one of her videos. I went online to look at her discography and played of "The Roof" from Butterfly , I remember digging that song but for some reason now I'm stuck on it.. "Shook Ones" is a Hip Hop classic, it's a staple.. mando in any collection.

So the fact she did a remix to "Shook Ones pt 2" by making "The Roof" with MOBB DEEP makes it that more dope to me.

Anywho, I didn't know she made a video with them! Thanks YOUTUBE! lol

7 Bad eating habits

2009-08-08T18:19:00.001-07:00

Lose Weight Permanently - Avoid These 7 Bad Eating Habits

Tuesday, July 28, 2009 by Diane Gilabert

Are you trying to lose weight permenantly? See if any of these 7 bad eating habits are sabotaging your natural healthy diet.

1. Skipping Meals

Skipping meals robs your body of the regular nutrition it requires to operate at peak efficiency. Studies show that frequent meal skippers retain more fat than participants who eat at least every 4 to 5 hours.

Why do you skip meals? Do you run out of time? Carry healthy snacks like Clif Bars, fresh fruit, and nuts for emergencies. Do you skip breakfast? Eating a healthy breakfast is critical to jump start your metabolism and prevent overeating later in the day.

2. Eating Out Often

If you hate to cook or have to travel frequently, then eating out is a way of life. Restaurant meals and fast food tend to be loaded with fat and salt and skimpy on fruits and vegetables.

Try to make at least a few healthy meals a week at home. Here are some quick and easy recipes for a whole food, plant-based diet: www.lose-weight-for-life.com/vegan-recipes.html.

Choose the right restaurant and order carefully. Here are some suggestions for healthy dining out on a vegan diet: www.lose-weight-for-life.com/vegan-dining.html.

3. Late Night Snacking

This is one bad habit that you just need to go cold turkey and ditch. Resolve not to eat after dinner and stick to it. First throw out or give away all the foods that you tend to snack on late at night. Then vary your after-dinner routine. The first couple days will be the most challenging, but then you will get used to it.

4. Constant Grazing

Healthy snacks a couple of times a day will help prevent overeating and control hunger. However, if you find yourself eating continually throughout the day then you are likely consuming too many calories no matter what you're eating.

Stick to one or two snacks a day and make sure to control portions. Here's a recent blog post on healthy snacking to guide you: blog.lose-weight-for-life.com/blog/high-fiber-diets/0/0/a-healthy-living-diet-how-to-snack.

5. Portion Non-control

Maybe you have resolved to follow a healthy living diet but you are still overweight. Be honest with yourself about the size of your meals and snacks. Are you supersizing your way to fat?

Don't fall into old traps like thinking you need to "clean your plate" or wanting to polish off food to avoid leftovers. Avoid mindless eating by turning off the TV and eating slowly.

6. Being Too Perfect then Binge Eating

Are you the type who follows a strict diet then loses control and overeats? Binge eating can be caused by being too restrictive. We crave what we can't have. Allow yourself small doses of healthy indulgences once in a while to avoid eating an entire pint of ice cream or bag of chips.

Here are some healthy dessert recipes if your relentless sweet tooth is wreaking havoc on your healthy lifestyle diet: www.lose-weight-for-life.com/vegan-dessert-recipes.html.

7. Skimping on Fruits and Vegetables

The best way to lose weight for life without hunger is to adopt a whole food, plant-based diet. You can never go wrong eating mostly fruits and vegetables. Eat a big salad every day. A high fiber diet of mostly fruits and vegetables will result in permanent weight loss and vibrant health.

If you have more than one of these bad eating habits don't make the mistake of trying to tackle them all at once. Choose one to focus on for two or three weeks then move on to the next one.

Bad habits are never easy to break, but with commitment and focus you can maintain a healthy weight.

6 simple lifestyle changes to lose weight!

2009-08-08T18:18:00.000-07:00

Lose Weight Permanently with 6 Simple Lifestyle Changes

Friday, July 24, 2009 by Diane Gilabert

We are bombarded with so much information on how to lose weight for life it's difficult to know where to start and who to believe. Permanent weight loss doesn't have to be complicated. Here are 6 simple changes to lose weight permanently:

1. Eat breakfast

The evidence is overwhelming that people who eat a healthy breakfast are less likely to be overweight. Once you develop the breakfast habit you will be amazed at how much more energy you have.

Eating a healthy breakfast prevents overeating and unhealthy food choices later in the day. What should you eat? Choose high fiber, low sugar breakfast cereals with soy milk or rice milk with fresh fruit, oatmeal with sliced bananas or blueberries, or a Clif Bar if you're in a hurry.

Here are some healthy breakfast recipes for those mornings when you have time to make something special www.lose-weight-for-life.com/vegan-recipes.html#breakfast.

2. Move More

If you haven't been exercising at all, start by walking 15 minutes a day. Build that up to 45 minutes a day and the pounds will drop off.

If you're already a regular exerciser, then change up your routine, add weight training, yoga, or high intensity cardio to your workouts to jump start fat burning and boost your metabolism.

3. Purge Your Space

There is a profound connection between clutter and fat. Set aside an hour or two every weekend to tackle your extra "stuff". Clear out a drawer or closet at a time.

Purge your space, especially your kitchen, to make room to prepare healthy meals, discard processed foods, and free up space for fresh fruits and vegetables and whole grains.

4. Eat a Salad Every Day

Salads will fill you up with healthy greens and raw fruits and vegetables. Salads don't have to be boring and they are a staple of every healthy weight loss program. Check out this blog post on healthy ways to jazz up your salads: blog.lose-weight-for-life.com/blog/healthy-village/0/0/permanent-weight-loss-5-ways-to-make-salads-fresh.

5. Sleep More

That's right sleeping more will help you lose weight permanently. There are other health benefits as well. Check out this blog post on 5 reasons to sleep more blog.lose-weight-for-life.com/blog/lose-weight-permanently/0/0/lose-weight-and-4-other-reasons-to-sleep-for-better-health.

6. Eat Healthy Snacks

Choose healthy snacks to keep your metabolism stoked, your energy level high, and avoid overeating due to hunger. Your body burns calories and operates most efficiently when it has regular nourishment every 4 hours or so. Be prepared-keep emergency stashes of healthy nuts, Clif Bars, and fresh fruit available.

A healthy lifestyle should include regular snacks that are packed with high quality protein, fiber, and nutrients. Here’s a blog post that discusses healthy snacks: blog.lose-weight-for-life.com/blog/high-fiber-diets/0/0/a-healthy-living-diet-how-to-snack.

Don't be among the 95% of dieters who fail to lose weight permanently. Make sensible healthy lifestyle changes that stick and you'll lose weight for life.

Purify your body-5 Summer Foods

2009-08-08T18:17:00.002-07:00

Purify Your Body With These 5 Summer Foods

Wednesday, July 22, 2009 by Diane Gilabert

A whole food, plant-based diet will purify your body naturally. Eating plenty of fruits and vegetables and drinking lots of water is the best way to detox.

The abundance of fresh fruits and vegetables in summer makes it easier to purify your body. High water content, abundant vitamins and minerals, and plenty of fiber combine to make eating these fresh summer foods a smart choice.

Want to be slimmer and healthier? Consume lots of these 5 delicious summer foods.

1. Blueberries

Blueberries are nature's candy, sweet and delicious. They're also packed with anti-oxidants and fiber to naturally cleanse your digestive system and even prevent cancer. Use generous amounts of blueberries on cereal, fruit salads, and right out of the carton as a perfect snack.

2. Tomatoes

Bright red tomatoes are at their peak in summer. Tomatoes are a versatile fruit that purify your body with vitamin C, fiber, and anti-oxidants. I grew up eating tomato, cucumber, and onion salads made from the vegetables in our garden. Add a little extra virgin olive oil and balsamic vinegar for a healthy side dish.

3. Watermelon

What's better than a sweet, cool, crunchy piece of watermelon on a hot summer day? Watermelon is one treat that you don't have to feel guilty about. Health benefits include generous amounts of vitamin C and anti-oxidants like beta-carotene and lycopene.

4. Peaches

A medium peach has only 35 calories. Peaches are high in vitamin C, iron, and potassium, and also contain the phytonutrients lycopene and lutein. A ripe peach is 80% water, so eating fresh peaches is a natural lose weight flush.

5. Summer Squash (aka Zucchini)

Summer squash is a versatile vegetable with only 18 calories per half cup serving. Summer squash has plenty of fiber, vitamin C, folate, and beta-carotene. As a bonus, the nutrients in summer squash have been associated with reducing inflammation.

Get Inspired by others

2009-08-08T18:17:00.001-07:00

Lose Weight Permanently - Get Inspired by Others

Thursday, July 16, 2009 by Diane Gilabert

The internet has some awesome lose weight resources. I admit it - today I have a bit of writers' block. I've read a lot of excellent articles the past couple of days and nothing I've tried to write has measured up.

So today I'm taking the easy way out. I'm going to share some inspiring articles about people who've conquered their eating issues and achieved vibrant health.

Here’s a story about a man who lost over 400 pounds by adopting healthy habits little by little. He rejected the easy ways out like weight loss surgery. Wow if he can lose 400 pounds, surely we can all be patient enough with healthy lifestyle change to reach our goals!
www.nickianderson.com/2009/07/12/410-pound-weight-loss-now-thats-inspiration/

Here's a great Zen Habits post on 3 simple ways to help the environment and get fit at the same time. zenhabits.net/2009/07/three-simple-changes-to-get-fit-and-green-at-the-same-time/

If you think vegan food is boring, here's an enlightening article on cooking gourmet vegetarian food…and I'm not even much of a cook! www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/jul/15/vegetarian-cooking-fresh-at-home

Here's a mother who lost 3 stone (that's 42 pounds) because she didn't want to pass on her bad habits to her kids. Remember those commercials in the 70s that showed a young boy copying his father's smoking habit? What message is unhealthy eating and lack of exercise sending to our children? www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/jul/14/diet-weightloss-family

I also have to share a new blog I found this week by Susan Bodendorfer. Her situation is so similar to mine it's almost scary. She also has an auto-immune disease and found that a whole food, plant-based diet improved her condition dramatically and also helped her lose weight. Check it out: www.thecrazywomaninsideme.com/.

Which lose weight resources on the web inspire you?

10 ways to Conquer Emotional Eating

2009-08-08T18:16:00.001-07:00

Conquer Emotional Eating - 10 Strategies

Wednesday, July 15, 2009 by Diane Gilabert

Emotional eating leads to guilt, which leads to more emotional eating. To succeed at losing weight permanently you need to get control of emotional eating. Try these 10 substitute behaviors to improve your self-esteem and stop the destructive cycle.

1. Exercise - Emotional eating is often caused by stress. Exercising reduces stress and releases "feel good" endorphins. People who exercise regularly tend to crave healthy, natural foods. Vigorous exercise is the most effective, but even a walk around the block can help keep problems in perspective.

2. Reach Out To a Friend - Healthy lifestyle change requires a support system. Share your health and weight loss goals with a good friend. Arrange to call her when you are tempted to binge.

3. Have a Good Laugh - Watch a comedy or surf YouTube for funny videos. Laughter reduces stress and burns calories too. Just don't snack while you watch!

4. Purge Your Space, Especially Your Kitchen - You are not likely to binge on healthy food, so make it tough to give in to your cravings by getting rid of all the junk food. Replace the unhealthy food with fresh fruits and vegetables. It's unlikely you'll sabotage your healthy weight loss plan by pigging out on apples or celery!

5. Take a Nap - Lack of sleep lowers our defenses and makes it more difficult to cope with stress and challenges. Often we think we're hungry when we're really eating to combat fatigue. If you can't get the 7 or 8 hours of sleep you need, then take a nap.

6. Interact With Your Pet - Our pets never judge us and they are always there for us. They also need us. So the next time you are tempted to succumb to your unhealthy cravings, play with your cat or take your dog for a walk.

7. Clean Out a Closet - Studies show that you are more likely to be overweight if your house is a mess. There is a clear connection between clutter and fat. Purge your space and declutter to feel better and forget about your cravings.

8. Find an Online Buddy - If it's late at night you may be reluctant to reach out to a friend, so why not troll the countless online support forums for a supportive buddy? Even reading diet success stories or hearing about other people's similar struggles can make you feel strong enough to avoid destructive behavior. Don't go it alone - often the root of emotional eating is loneliness, so reaching out to someone who cares can squelch the cravings.

9. Volunteer - Helping someone else in need pumps up your self-esteem and gives you purpose. Why not help coach your kids' soccer team or walk dogs at the local humane society? Give back even from the comfort of your computer by visiting a site like freerice.com that feeds the hungry while you improve your vocabulary.

10. Write in Your Gratitude Journal - Writing down what you are thankful for puts the negative things in perspective. Acknowledging the blessings in your life makes the setbacks seem less daunting. Focus on what's good in your life and you will be less likely to binge on unhealthy food.

Emotional eating prevents many from permanent weight loss. Substitute positive activities to keep from binging.

Which strategies work for you?

Top 5 Changes for Permanent Weight loss

2009-08-08T18:14:00.001-07:00

Lose Weight Permanently - Top 5 Changes You Need to Make

Wednesday, July 8, 2009 by Diane Gilabert

Did you know that 95% of dieters fail to lose weight permanently? Pretty daunting huh?

I'm not trying to give you an excuse to abandon your health and weight loss goals. A little education can help you succeed at permanent weight loss. The top 5 changes you need to make may surprise you.

1. Commit to Permanent Lifestyle Changes

Stop thinking about weight loss as a diet that you will go off of once you have lost the weight. Diets aren't sustainable because inevitably the weight creeps back when people return to their pre-diet unhealthy eating habits.

Successful weight loss means making a commitment to adopting a healthy lifestyle. That doesn't mean perfection. Follow the 90/10 rule and exercise regularly, and you will keep the weight off.

2. Get Educated About Healthy Food Choices

Rigid diets that require you to eat only cabbage soup for days or drink shakes instead of meals don't teach you how to make healthy food choices. The same goes for Nutrisystem or Jenny Craig where you get prepackaged meals delivered. Sure those programs would love for you to stay on them forever!

Successful dieters educate themselves about what to eat and how to eat to stay slim and healthy for life. Don't listen to the marketing claims of food conglomerates or supplement peddlers. Here are some lose weight resources that cut through the hype www.lose-weight-for-life.com/lose-weight-resources.html.

3. Scare Yourself About the Risks of Being Overweight

On July 7 ABC Evening News had a segment called "What Exactly Does a 6,190 Calorie Lunch Do To Your Body?" I promise you'll be scared after this 2 and a half minute video. blogs.abcnews.com/theworldnewser/2009/07/what-exactly-does-a-6190-calorie-lunch-do-to-your-body.html.

The risk of developing diseases such as heart disease, cancer, high blood pressure, and diabetes can be significantly reduced by maintaining a healthy weight and moderate exercise.

Sure heredity plays a role. But don't be conned into believing there's nothing you can do - on the contrary, eating healthy and exercising regularly will profoundly impact your quality of life.

Do you want to dance at your grandkids' weddings? Enjoy the retirement you've worked so hard for? Then commit to healthy weight loss.

4. Adopt a Whole Food, Plant-based Diet

What's the healthiest diet? A vegan diet, with maybe a serving of fish high in Omega-3s once or twice a week. But of course that doesn't sell weight loss products or diet books, so it's almost impossible to learn that fact. Be skeptical when you hear claims that sound too good to be true. Think about the motivation behind them.

Even the nutrition experts who disagree on everything else agree that we would all be healthier if we consumed "mostly plants". (Check out In Defense of Food by Michael Pollan for the source on this www.amazon.com/Defense-Food-Eaters-Manifesto/dp/0143114964/ref=sr_1_1).

5. Don't Put Off Making Changes

Don't practice "all or nothing behavior" or put off making healthy lifestyle changes until conditions are perfect. Start today, right now with your next meal.

How many times have you eaten something "forbidden" and then binged the rest of the day, justifying it by saying to yourself that you already blew it so you'll start again tomorrow.

Or you look ahead and see your cousin's wedding, a family reunion, the holidays, whatever and you think "I can't possibly eat healthy tomorrow, this week, this month, or during the holidays". Before you know it, you've gained another 10 pounds and you're no closer to getting started.

Don't fall in to that trap. Every meal and snack is an opportunity to fill your body with healthy, wholesome food. Don't feel guilty. Just eat healthy 90% of the time and you'll reach your goal.

10 Healthy Weight Loss Tips

2009-08-08T18:13:00.001-07:00

10 Healthy Weight Loss Tips

Friday, July 31, 2009 by Diane Gilabert

Want to lose weight permanently? It's all about lifestyle change. Diets don't work. Adopt healthy eating and exercise habits for life and you will be slim forever.

Here are 10 healthy weight loss tips to help you lose weight for life:

1. Make your mantra "stay as close to nature as possible". Avoid processed foods. Choose packaged foods with the fewest ingredients, and only ones that you recognize.

2. Successful weight loss doesn't mean eating LESS, it means eating DIFFERENTLY. Instead of going hungry, cut down on calorie-dense foods (fatty-sugary foods) and eat more lower-calorie or lighter foods, especially those rich in dietary fiber.

3. Get support. Don't go it alone, whether it's a friend, family member, or an on-line buddy. Even visiting support forums on dieting websites can help you resist binging.

4. Cut calories easily by eating foods with a higher liquid content and less density like fruits and vegetables. Less dense foods naturally have fewer calories and will keep you satisfied longer.

5. High fiber foods are best. You'll feel more satisfied with fewer calories, your digestion will improve, and you will have a better chance of avoiding diseases like cancer, heart disease, and strokes. Learn more about the benefits of a high fiber diet in this article ezinearticles.com/.

6. Minimize sugar (read labels - it's in everything). The more sugar you eat, the more difficult it will be to lose weight. Sugar spikes your blood glucose levels which makes you hungry soon after eating and keeps you from burning stored fat.

7. Get enough sleep. Adequate, restful sleep is critical for maintaining a healthy weight. Here's one article that discusses a recent study on weight loss and sleep ezinearticles.com/.

8. Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Don't postpone healthy eating until "after the holidays" or "I'll start on Monday". Every meal is another opportunity to improve your health and work toward your weight loss goals. Here's an article on 10 Bogus Weight Loss Excuses and how to beat them ezinearticles.com/.

9. Put your goals in positive terms like "I will eat a salad every day" or "I will walk at least 30 minutes every day". Healthy lifestyle change requires a positive attitude!

10. Eat a healthy breakfast. Breakfast kick starts your metabolism and provides energy for your morning. Choose fresh fruit and whole grain cereal or oatmeal, or a soy yogurt. Want to know the best 6 breakfast cereals for weight loss? Check out this article ezinearticles.com/.

What are your favorite healthy weight loss tips?

3 low cal Vegan summer dinners

2009-08-08T18:07:00.000-07:00

*I did not write this, I copied this from my favorite site "Lose Weight For life"

Summer is the ideal season to adopt a healthy living diet. The heat takes the edge off your appetite. Fresh fruits and vegetables are abundant. And motivation is high when we’re wearing shorts and bathing suits.

Probably the most common question I get is “so what do vegans eat anyway?” Example meal plans for weight loss often convince people wanting to adopt a healthy living diet that it’s doable.

Here are 3 suggestions for healthy, low calorie dinners that are perfect for summer.

Vegetable stir-fry, Brown Rice, Blueberry Sorbet

Here’s the basic recipe for vegetable stir-fry. www.lose-weight-for-life.com/vegetable-stir-fry.html. Substitute summer squash and halved cherry tomatoes for some of the other vegetables, or whatever your local farmers’ market is featuring.

Serve the stir-fry with wholesome, high-fiber brown rice for a filling, healthy dinner.

Blueberries are in season in summer. Freeze some blueberries for an hour in a plastic freezer bag and then make this vegan sorbet www.lose-weight-for-life.com/vegan-sorbet-recipe.html. A no guilt, icy dessert!

Vegan Lettuce Wraps, Chickpea Spinach Salad, Fruit Salad

Vegan Lettuce Wraps www.lose-weight-for-life.com/vegan-lettuce-wraps.html and Chickpea Spinach Salad www.lose-weight-for-life.com/chickpea-spinach-salad.html are awesome paired together and there’s very little cooking. Perfect for hot summer days.

Why not make a generous fruit salad with watermelon, strawberries, peaches, plums, and green grapes? If you’re in a hurry you can even cheat and pick up pre-cut melon at the grocery store to speed up preparation. Sprinkle in a little stevia for extra sweetness, and add some chopped walnuts for crunch.

Vegan Barbecue, Grilled Corn on the Cob, Coleslaw, Ambrosia

Who says grills are only for meat? Make a healthy vegan barbecue!

Start with skewers of vegetables like pieces of summer squash, chunks of onion, slices of red and green bell peppers, and large mushrooms. Make a glaze of olive oil, minced garlic, and sea salt to brush on during grilling.

Corn on the cob is awesome on the grill. First remove loose husks and silk. Then soak the ears in water for about 15 minutes. Pour out the excess water. Place the ears of corn on the grill.

If you’re using a gas grill, use medium-high heat and turn the corn every 5 minutes (be sure to use tongs!).

If you’re grilling on an old-fashioned smokey joe with a cover, turn them every 15 minutes. The corn steams inside the husks in 30-45 minutes. You’ll know it’s done when it looks like the picture at the left.

Remove from the grill. Peel off the husks under warm running water. Serve with Earth Balance Buttery Spread (vegan), sea salt, and pepper.

This coleslaw is the perfect crisp, cool side dish for your barbecue www.lose-weight-for-life.com/coleslaw-recipe.html. Or you can serve a large green salad with fresh tomatoes, romaine lettuce, cucumbers, and red onions.

This Vegan Ambrosia is a tangy, juicy dessert you can make ahead of time. www.lose-weight-for-life.com/vegan-ambrosia.html.

Pa'que tu lo sepas

2009-08-07T23:04:00.001-07:00

Love Lucy. I really do!

I Love Selena R.I.P. I have so much memorabilia of hers.

I Have been Thalia's biggest fan since I was 14, She is an Idol to me.

I listen to Alicia Villarreal almost everyday. I will always sing her songs in the car by myself.

If I could be anything in life, I would be a Pro Boxer or a Mariachi Singer. Don't ask me to sing, don't torture your ears.

I LOVE DC Shoes. The only Flats I wear.

I have a fetish for Stilettos 5inches and taller.

I am an only child.

Alot of people will buy things or check out what I put, I make sure what I recommend is always positive and helpful.

I am aware of my status both high and average on this earth.

I cry if I step on a snail.

I rather a human hurt than ANY animal.

I will always defend anyone getting picked on or taken advantage of.

I will shop at 99 cent store before I shop anywhere else.

I love jewelry, I don't have much but I love what I have and from whom.

Peace is watching my cats sleep in the funkiest positions.

I don't like when people yell. Unless it's me yelling. lol.

I have A.D.D.

Food is my addiction and disorder.

My all time favs are Teena Marie & Sade. The Best.

I am a certified Bartender, but my personal drinking limit is 3 Smirnoff's. My body doesn't fancy liquor or Tequila.

My fav mixed drink ever is "Alabama Slammer" when made right, of course.

Aquafina is my favorite water ever, & Dr. Pepper is my fav poison!

I get excited over simple stuff, Nail Polish, Body Scrubs, New Vegan recipes, Books!

I hold grudges.

I dislike Scary movies and flying beetles/bumble bees.

Contrary to popular belief being with girls is harder than being with guys.

Scents drive me crazy = Eternity & Victoria Secret "Very Sexy For Her"

The universe disables me from being vindictive, malicious and back stabbing. However, it blessed me with standing up for myself. I don't do shit to hurt people or get people back, I leave that to Karma.

I rarely give anyone a romantic chance. ever.

I don't like games, I don't tolerate them and I'm smarter and observant than I will ever will let on.

My favorite color ever is Red. It's Bold, Strong and Intense, not everyone can handle it or wear it. I don't fit that strong of a description personally but I definitely am attracted to the color.

I have a conscious and I feel guilt and remourse, Seems like that's non existent with society today

I am on medication for depression, I never hide it because I know others who don't know how to get help, and I've helped many, but like everything else in my being I don't fit the typical stereo-typical mold of anything or what you may expect. I'm harmless.

I do believe in God, I believe he is an all loving and forgiving God. Not to be feared. I believe in Angels, Spirit Guides and the Universe responds to us.

No one will ever fall in love with me, and I am meant to live this particular life trip alone, and I totally embrace it.

People gravitate towards me and attach to me very fast. I think I'm on this earth to help people figure out what to do with their life in mass changes to their being.

I am an affectionate person, when I let someone in it's a total PDA, that's major to me, a deal breaker.

Surround yourself with people that Compliment your life, not Complicate.

I don't have many DVD's. Whole lot of VHS's though!

I don't need alot to be entertained.

I am very low mainteance, my meals are never over $5.00

I'm an awesome person, I'm a good person, I am human and not perfect.

Even if I dislike you immensly, I will still help your or hook you up.

Truth.

2009-08-07T22:59:00.000-07:00

My Favorite Nail Products!

2009-08-07T19:31:00.000-07:00

So.. I am obsessed with My nails. Ever since I let them grow out. Thank god my nails are strong and healthy, even after I've had Acrylics on for months.

I wanted to do a video blog for this, not sure why but I felt like it. Obviously that wasn't accessible to me at this time.

When I actually let them grow out, they are gorgeous if I do say so myself! and I do!!!

I am forever changing colors, trying to find the Nail Polish that actually doesn't chip!

I LOVE getting the French Tips when I get acrylics but I have the hardest time trying to do it myself on my natural nails.

I even used those white strips they sell to help you shape them, yea.. well doesn't really work for me. At times the white "stripe" on my natural nails can become kind of bulky.

So I went to walmart looking for a hot dark pink kind of color, and I was thinking about getting some white nail polish.

Then I saw THIS!

I even saw it in BLACK!

So I went home and omg I was shocked at how easy it is. Now the best part is, even when it's dry it doesn't CHIP! It's so SMOOTH!

I went to take it off, and I got the Nail Polish Remover, a trick to get it off fast is if you put some removal on a cotton ball then press it on the nail, hold it there for 3-5 seconds, the color on the nail comes off CLEAN!

I always do that, and to my surprise the white tip was very hard to come off, which I LOVED!

Before I give it all the credit to the French Tip Pen, I do give it a 100%, however, a good 10% of the outcome came about from a multi use -Emery Board I got. One side of the Emery Board is for Shaping, and on the other was half for Smoothing and the other for Shine. I loved that it was clearly marked and color coated so it's "Fool Proof" Makes a HUGE difference in the appearance of my nails.
This Emery Board/Shine/Smoothing (I got at CVS for $3.00!) in 1 is a Product from "Trim" they have a really good line of inexpensive Nail Tools at BassettBrands.com

Now I also needed a new base and top coat, usually I get them from Sally Hansen but I ended up going with this. I am very pleased with the outcome with this product as well, this is from Nailene (who also makes the French Tip Pen)

Yes, I could have gotten the French Tip Pen Kit but I don't really like beige color that came with it.

I'm not the best photographer, My hands look like Monkey Feet lol. I tried my best =)

ALSO! I ended up getting DIGITAL from Salley Hansen from their Hi Definition Nail Color Line.

I LOVE IT! It was only $5.00 and I am very happy with it.

It looks different colors because of the sun outside. I think it looks way better in person though!

Makes my nails look like Acrylics but NOPE "They are Real & Fabulous" lol. ! I love getting my nails done but not having to go every 2 weeks for a fill. I don't miss that at all.

By the way I got all these products from Wal-Mart! Except the Emery Board.

Bad day

2009-07-26T16:51:00.001-07:00

I'm in a really negative mind state right now, so I decided to just let it out on a blog. It's been a hot minute since I've blogged, I've been asked to but I have to be really wanting to.

I'm in one of those fucken moods where my tolerance for people that are annoying is very VERY low.

I suppose alot has to do with my period coming. This blog will NOT help the stereo-type.

Around my period I can get pretty emotional and almost violent mannerisms, hasn't happened in a while.

I'm not perfect, I know some people actually think I am, bless your heart but I am FAR from it. Everyone has bad days.

I guess I'm kind of dissapointed in myself because I do have almost a perfect comprehension of moods, the universe and my thoughts becoming reality.

Whenever something happens, I look to the positive, what's the lesson in this situation.

I've been LOOKING FORWARD to my period coming, I am watching what I eat and working out, my weight is number 1 right now priority to me. The good thing I love about getting my period is I can loose a good 4-6 pounds instantly if I drink tons of water, exercise and watch what I eat.

I know it's coming any day.

So this morning I woke up, and as I'm laying in bed, 1 of my cats who is very attached to me, throws up before I can move some articles that I had next to me, she got it on my new bra and some jeans.

I WAS SO LIVID I was so fucking PIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I didn't even care if she was sick or whatever, I was SO MAD!

I planned to buy another bra this week anyway but I was SO MAD. I knew honestly I wasn't mad at her, and I should have had more compassion. I just looked at her and kept saying FUCK FUCK FUCK as I'm getting a trash bag to clean it up and throw the bra and jeans out.

so I immediately get ready, I had to buy some food for the week anyway. I couldn't find my fucking glasses, that annoyed me. So I go to to this one store and try on some bras, as in doing so when I put back on my black tank top I had white deodorant marks all on the fucking side of my shirt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "BLACK DRESS APPROVED" MY ASS!

I was LIVID. I was starving, I just wanted to go get something to eat and go home. I ended up going to this other store not to far away and see if I can find anything there, I did find like 1 bra I liked. I didn't even really care for it but it shall do for now.

I went to get something to eat, and instead of just coming home, I parked in this big ass parking lot and faced away from everyone. I put on Michael Beckwith's "Life Visioning" Audio CD's and listened to it while I ate.

I then went to Whole foods, got some stuff then to Starbucks. That was a reaction to my negative feelings, I don't even really dig Starbucks but I got a frappachino. not good for the waste line, I thought it would make me "feel" better, but the end result it's not helping me get to where I want to go with my weight.

I come home and my mom is here. She took my glasses. I had a feeling, and countless times I've tooken her things, I can't really tell her shit.

I told her I had a bad day, I'm in a fucking mood. I watched t.v for a little bit then went on line. I have a couple new clients I need to work on some promo stuff for them.

I put on my headphones and blasted Sade.

I tweeted I was having a bad day and alot of people sent me really nice messages and vibes. I appreciate that immensely.

I find I work harder and more focused when I'm in a bad mood, weird right? I can be very snappy and cut anyone down to size, I just DON'T LIKE CUTESY BULLSHIT. I don't like being called a thousand cutesy names, If you fucking know my name then you don't need to shower me with some stupid love bug names, especially IF YOU NEVER MET ME. I'm not 2 years old so enough with artificial sweet bullshit.

I DON'T HAVE A FUCKEN OUCHIE I NEED YOU TO BLOW ON AND KISS.

Why can't people just converse with me AS AN ADULT.

Don't be condescending to me, I am intelligent, smart wise and clever. Don't dumb shit down cause I'm not the one to faltar.

So anyway, as I'm editing my myspace page, I'm getting to the fucking point of what I do since some people only see pictures and don't know how to take the time to fucking READ. If you want to know about what I do then READ WHAT I WROTE, if you don't have the time to do it, then I don't have the time to deal with you.

PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

when I say I'm in a mood, I DONT FUCK AROUND.

I deal with to many ignorant people, lazy ass fuckers. NOT ALL but ALOT.

My mom is my soul, those who know me or have read anything I write know this, she's all I have. I ask her all the time where is she going when she leaves the house, yes it annoys her, BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHERE MY MOTHER IS GOING TO BE AT incase something happens. So she asks me if a hat looks good on her, I ask where is she going, she snaps at me for asking, and well I SNAP BACK, I told her "ONE DAY YOUR GOING TO MISS ME NOT ASKING YOU WHERE YOUR GOING", I said some shit that was a bit mean and I said some stuff that was very drastic and I know worry some to her. I blasted the music in my headphones and don't know what she said. I know where she was going though. I don't like how we left it. She left slammed the door and she's going some where an hour away, I already have anxiety about that.

Sometimes If I shut people out and stay angry and mad it "helps" me not have to "Care".

I've matured enough to know that helped me when I was young, but it doesn't serve me now as an adult.

I know better than ALL OF THIS. I know that all this shit today is very SMALL AND MINOR, and I'm always the FIRST one to say to my friends who are going through something:

If you can breathe, walk, move, see, hear and smile, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT. and on, and on.

I KNOW THIS. BUT I'm in a emotional body element and right now I'm in a mood where I'm in a low vibrating negative state.

My neighbor came over to pick up some stuff and asked what was wrong with my mom, she said hi to her and my mom kinda blew her off. This neighbor is a good friend of my mothers and me for many many years. She is the typical chismosa and likes to know the drama, so I watched what I told her. I know she knew I was in a bad mood even though I tried to just smile and get back to what I was doing. I can't fake things, I don't like to.

I'm venting.

for the ones who get this, kudos to you.

I know there's issues that's coming up and I know it's not all about me starting my period. I think it's a couple things bothering me, I feel overwhelmed about.

I'm a very nice, caring and compassionate person, I am human though, I'm not always so compassionate when I guess I should be.

I am a gifted smartass, I can chew you up and spit you out with my words, I'm very articulate with my writing and my assumption of some people who will read this and not sympathize for what it is .. but only what negative things *they* take from it, I can't deal with simple minded people, but god knows I am surrounded by many.

I just hope my mom comes home okay. I noticed she didn't take my glasses. I kind of wished she did.

I hope I didn't pass on any negative vibes to anyone reading this. Just picture yourself in a white light full of love and happiness =)

I am going to.

I don't think anyone is untouchable from my "wrath" right now. So if I say something very snappish I would say not to take it personal but it's probably what I feel at the time.

CRUELEST SHOW ON EARTH! PROTEST WEDNESDAY!

2009-07-03T20:10:00.000-07:00

I will be at the Staples Center this Wednesday protesting the Circus. I do it every year will continue to do so. You do NOT need to sign up.

Please note these are PEACEFUL and QUITE Protests. It's no one's attention to scare any of the children. It's simply about educating in a universal adult, human manner and fashion.

Info is below

IMAGINE YOU ARE SCARED SHITLESS? EVER BEEN TERRIFIED???????????? EVER SEEN TERROR IN YOUR CHILDS EYES? NOW THINK ABOUT EVERY FUCKEN ANIMAL THAT HAS NO VOICE .. CAN'T SCREAM AND GOES THROUGH THIS SOBER.. AND FULLY AWAKE..

DIES IN UTTER AGONY..........

IS POPCORN WORTH THAT? I THINK NOT.

NOW ASK YOURSELF.. WHAT WOULD YOU DO? HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU FEEL?

INDESCRIBABLE RIGHT?

AND WHEN THE HELL DO YOU SEE TIGERS GO THROUGH FLAMES IN THE WILD?

"DON'T TOUCH THEM.. HURT THEM"

THATS WHAT YOUR BRINGING YOUR KIDS TO???????????????????????????????????????????

THESE ASSHOLES! These are beautiful animals.. WHERE'S THE COMPASSION IN THE FUCKING WORLD? HOW DO YOU BEAT THESE ANIMALS INTO FUCKEN SUBMISSION AND NOT CARE?

ONE THING PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW IS MOST ABUSERS AND SERIAL KILLERS USUALLY PRAY ON ANIMALS FROM A YOUNG AGE...............

The horrific things I want to do to these people. Beating animals into submission? taking them out of their habitat? Are you serious? where did these people loose their soul?

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, step right up and see the cruelest show on earth. Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey proudly present timid tigers, exploited elephants and abused exotic animals tamed, tortured and terrified for your amusement.

Unfortunately, many circus-goers will likely never hear about the cruelty toward animals that regularly occurs behind the scenes at the Ringling Bros. Circus.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA), the Humane Society and others oppose Ringling Bros.' cruel mistreatment of animals. Every Aggie should join in by boycotting the circus while they are on campus.

"We do have a campaign against circuses that use animals in general, but specifically Ringling Bros. because they are one of the worst abusers of animals in the entertainment industry," Rice said. "Ringling Bros. has been responsible for the deaths of 24 elephants in their care, only one of which can be attributed to old age."

Rice went on to explain that there are currently several federal investigations into the circus for cruelty or negligence.

"Ringling Bros. is under investigation for the 2004 death of a two-year-old lion named Clyde, who died of heat exhaustion in an overheated boxcar while traveling across the Mohave Desert," he said.

Another investigation concerns the use of the bullhook, a long metal bat with a hook at the end, in elephant training. The instrument is used to coerce and intimidate elephants into doing the tricks.

"Because the performances are based on what the animals do during play and socialization, training is simply a matter of encouraging the elephants to do what comes naturally on cue to music," according to the Ringling Bros.' Web site. "We accomplish that by reinforcing their natural behaviors through repetition and reward."

Nothing could be further from the truth. Elephants do not take each other by the tail and parade around, and there are certainly no elephants in the wild wearing party hats and standing on giant stools. Nothing is more unnatural than the tricks elephants perform in the circus. Positive reinforcement would never be able to achieve this type of behavior. The only way to get this behavior from a wild animal is with intimidation and physical punishment.

"Ringling Bros. is under investigation for the 2004 videotaped beating of an 8-year-old elephant named Angelica," Rice said.

The video shows the elephant chained by all four legs and being beaten and jabbed as it screams in pain. It is one of many videos on PETA's Web site depicting such violence.

Bringing wild animals around the country in boxcars and forcing them to do tricks for our amusement is a sad relic of a time long passed. Many modern and successful circuses, like Cirque de Soleil, rely on the talents of human performers rather than the exploitation of animals. Ringling Bros. needs to do the same. Aggies can help send that message and put an end to this horrible abuse by boycotting the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus.

Now this is awesome and beautiful.. an alternative to Circus's

Cirque du Soleil

As you know, Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus, the "Cruelest Show on Earth," is coming to Los Angeles next week, and we need your help to raise awareness about the cruelty and violence that go on behind the scenes at the circus. When Ringling is in your town, it's up to kind people like you to let the circus know that this cruel show is not welcome!

Experts, eyewitnesses, and video footage prove that physical abuse is standard practice for training elephants in circuses. Ringling's trainers have been observed hitting and jabbing elephants, including babies, with sharp steel-tipped rods called "bullhooks." CEO Kenneth Feld recently admitted in federal court that he's seen handlers use bullhooks to hit elephants under the chin, behind the ears, and on the legs. We know that Ringling causes pain and suffering to animals, but we must share this with others so that they, too, will boycott the circus.

What: Ringling demonstration
When: Wednesday, July 8, 6 p.m.
Where: Staples Center, 1111 S. Figueroa St., Los Angeles

If you have any questions about the demonstration, please contact me at DavidS@peta.org and let me know what city you're in. For more information on this campaign, to learn what former employees say about Ringling, and to view PETA's videos, which show behind-the-scenes training, please visit Circuses.com.

We're in this fight together, and we couldn't do it without you. We're grateful that you're part of our Action Team, and we encourage you to take full advantage of the network by contacting us any time with questions, requests, or concerns. Thanks so much for everything that you do for animals!

For all animals,

David Salisbury
Assistant Activist Liaison
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals

1st Day on "Ultimate Master Cleanse"

2009-06-29T08:03:00.000-07:00

PLEASE NOTE. I AM NOT ENDORSING THIS CLEANSE OR PROMOTING IT. I AM BLOGGING ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE. I DO APPRECIATE THOSE THAT RESPECT MY OPINON AND RESPECT THAT OTHERS MAY WANT TO TRY IT BECAUSE I AM.

EVERYONE'S EXPERIENCE WILL BE DIFFERENT, THE WAY I CHOOSE TO USE THIS CLEANSE AND THE FOOD I AM CHOOSING TO EAT IS SOLEY BASED ON WHAT I AM ACCUSTOMED TO AND NOT WHAT IS IDEAL FOR EVERYONE.

To be very honest, If you are a true Vegan you don't need a cleanse because your body is absoutely healthy.

Cleanse's are for people that eat alot of toxic, processed foods, Junk Foods, Meat, Sugar, etc.

I am a Vegetarian, I don't eat meat, chicken or fish. I was Total Vegan a while ago, but I have a thing for sugar and cheese at times. Sugar is the big thing I try to stay away from, There is awesome Vegetarian and Vegan Cookies, Cakes, Deserts and Ice Creams.

It's "Challenging" for me when I'm out somewhere late and with my friends, I don't want to eat something healthy or there are some places you can't really get anything healthy, NOT ALWAYS but sometimes.

Natural Foods such as Fruit contain sugar BUT IT'S ORGANIC sugar. Good for you. F what Atkins or some "Diets" have told you.

I can eat pure and clean, because I know that food is to help me live, not necessarly to taste good all the time. I know that sounds weird but ONCE you purify your body, you can taste the sweet and saltiness of fruits and vegetables. It's great.

When I have a chance I will put up all the info on the Cleanse including a break down of what each pill does.

So last week I went to Whole Foods with my friend and we came upon an isle with different cleanse products.

I tried the Master Cleanse (Lemon, Cayenne Pepper, Maple Syrup) like a year ago, of course I didn't stick with it.

I am totally clueless to Cleanses. 1 of the employees came over and started explaining all of them to us. I wasn't going to buy one but I did need something to help me jump start my body.

So I decided to go with "Ultimate Detox & Cleanse" It's a 2 week program. Basically you take 4 pills 3 times a day with every meal.

The Pills are a bit big, I am not a fan of taking large pills, thankfully these are very easy to chew. 1 has an after taste that reminds me of an Italian spinach dish.

I woke up, very excited to start. All the ingredients in the pills are Vegetarian and Kosher.

Each pill is full of all the nutrients your body needs, as Fiber, Iron, Etc

I had a Banana and took the pills, took me about 45 minutes to sit there and chew and take my time, with bites in between.

So far so good, now I have to take about 8 more pills by the time I go to sleep tonight.

-Lunch Update
I am not hungry at all. I bought a big bag of ready to eat broccoli, colliflour, carrots and salad, already ready to eat. I don't suggest everyone do this because I know not everyone can eat vegetables raw.

I however, can with no problem.

I took the 1st of 4 pills for this meal, I have 3 more to go. It's not horrible but it's not freak'n delicious! I'm not complaining it's just a bit time consuming for me, then again I have time on my side. Plus taking your time while you eat or in this case "snack" you get fuller faster.

I was going to make a potatoe, but I will save that for dinner.

R.I.P Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T22:08:00.000-07:00

wow I can't believe he died.

I'm watching a Dateline special with my mom right now and even though it's been more than 24 hours since his passing, it's amazing all the tributes, specials that are airing right now and mind you, the east coast is 3 hours ahead.

Some editors must have been mad busy pulling out all kinds of content.

I Actually found myself tearing up. I don't know why really, I guess because in the last couple of months I found myself on Youtube looking for music to listen to, I figured well I should go with the sure thing and I started going through all Micheal's videos, I played them over and over. I have Smooth Criminal, Beat it and Bad on my mp3 player when I work out.

The word is literally a buzz with his death but obviously more, his life.

I think the same will be when (God Forbid) Madonna passes.

I was born the year Thriller came out, 1982. I grew up to his music, his iconic styles, etc. I remember when I was a little girl probably around 5 (if you read my previous blogs you know I have an immaculate memory) My godmother (anything but a "God' Mother) would tease me I crushed on Michael Jackson.

I also remember how I was confused why people would scream and literally cry when they would see him. I didn't get that. BUT I am a huge fan of Thalia so I can totally see myself sobbing.

I actually thought of Michael Jackson the day before yesterday, thinking how he feels to know so many people Jock and mimic k his styles, like Usher and Neyo, etc. And what it means to him, then bam, he passes.

anywho I haven't blogged much, but I felt like blogging on this.

I guess he did have an impact on my life, so now I am going to look closely around me and really honor those who have an impact on me, including music/actors/celebs.

My Ego

2009-05-05T22:29:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to really blog about, just kind of felt like it..

I think if my previous blog about Haters was a bit shorter, I could follow it my self without skipping through the paragraphs lol..

power of suggestion..

These days and weeks are going by so fast, now imagine if I would have kept up my good eating and crap, how much I would have lost already??

My ego (not the superficial ego most prolly think I'm talken bout), Ego as in the spiritual ego, the one that can be stubborn.. here's a quote I took from a site

Because ego's greatest fear is its own death, it keeps a fanatical vigilance over its survival. Try and remove your ego, and you will have started a war.

That is so true. I deal with it everyday, it tests me. I remember describing my frustration with myself to my friend Janice.. I told her sometimes I feel like I sabbotage myself, like I'm on my own enemy, a little voice (no voice just a metaphor to describe) that will give me the okay to eat something I know I shouldn't or say something I know I shouldn't.. the things that are bad for me but I do it because I'm afraid if I don't.. well I'm to afraid to find out

that's when Janice told me it's my Ego. We all have it. I like to think of it as that saying "You are your own worst Enemy"

But she also explained that it served me to protect me when I was young but now that I'm older it's getting in my way. So of course I have that soft side in me where I don't want to leave it, because I have been left through out my life, I know the pain and I can't just diss it because it's like "thanks for getting me through all these years, now you don't fit in my life so PEACE!

I can't do that, my ego knows my weakness, but at the same time it holds me back. It's my bestfriend but "what nourishes me destroys me".

I do believe God gives us what we can handle, and we are here to learn lessons, I don't have a bad life and I'm truely blessed, but even in the ways I'm blessed there is some dark there thats a crutch for me, only my close close friends know what I mean by that, because when my blessing in disguise is no longer there, my biggest truest test in my life will come into play it will literally be sink or swim, the thing about that is.. I could swim but I rather sink because I've manifested my ego into setting me up to fail, that even if I wanted to prove to myself I can make it.. I don't think that I will.

Who knows ... maybe my life will continue as such, basically carefree but then again I don't know what lays ahead, I'm assuming and I believe I set out the twists and turns of my life with god before I was created in this life time.. My life is a bit to surreal to be normal..

Hated on-How I learned not to take it "Personal"

2009-05-03T00:01:00.000-07:00

yep I sayed it PERSONAL.

Basically it's about someone either intimidated, jealous, honest, fearful, ignorance and looking for a reaction.. in themself. It's a reflection.

I'm glad I can can see the weakness in the negative thats put out there, to me it's like the bullet or arrow of hate, negativity, etc shooting straight at me.. in my mind it stops in front of my face and goes back right to that person ten fold. and that my dear is probably how the old children quote goes

"I'm Rubber & Your Glue.. whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you".

I don't know how many times people will act real mean to me, real fucken stupid for what I think is no reason, I haven't sayed anything to them and they are already treating me or looking at me a certain way.. so when I notice this, I tend to go up to them and speak to them in a nice way, 99% of the time we become good friends, the usual reason is because of what someone sayed about me, or they were intimidated, they assumed I would be a bitch cause of what I look like or who I work for or what I do.. But when they get to know me they see it was an assumption and we all know what happens when we assume...

you make an ASS out of U and ME -ASSUME .....

of course it's hard not to be a bitch back with someone who is coming at you stupid, but I have learned, especially if I never met them OR know that this person probably is coming at me stupid because of who they kick it with.. so I make it a point to be extra nice and friendly, not fake.. I am a natural butterfly anyway so I like to meet people.

I once got into it with someone who wanted to look macho and big shit, when clearly he was looking like an ass.. he told me when I confronted him "Don't take it personal" this dude straight made a threat LATINABEATZ.. hard to take it personal though right? I was so mad at that statement "don't take it personal" nigga you straight directed AT ME. Get the fuck outta here with that mind game bullshit.

But you know what.. now knowing him, he's still an ass but I get his tantrum, and it really wasn't towards me personally, I mean it was but his stupidity had alot more to do with his situation and he used me to go to battle with cause 1, he stupidly thought I wouldn't attack back.. and 2, In his mind he probably let out some of his frustrations that had nothing to do with me personally but of who I was associated with and a sprinkle of the infamous "Miss communication leads to Complication"

When I would argue with my mom for instance, she won't argue back and she would say when all was done "Just cause I don't have the last word doesn't mean you were right" and thats true.

BUT DAMNIT THE LAST WORD FEELS OH SO GOOD RIGHT? Thats true for me sometimes but not all..

Now I get it.. so when somoene wants to go back and forth, I let them have the last word cause you know theyre gonna be sitting there like an ASS pumped up waiting for that interaction, ready to go at it.. and they're gonna be sitting there for a while waitin for it LMAO.

I am a gifted smartass, sometimes I think I could make mad money, I should be an emcee I'm fast and seriously a gifted sarcastic person, mix that in with an attitude, not cute, especially when I was 13, that's all I heard "Attitude" my attitude problem, but honestly mostly everyone I know can cop an attitude so I wasn't the only gifted asshole.. to me they just didn't like what I sayed because I learned very early in my life to defend myself I could chew you up and spit you out with my words. I learned it from my grandmother.

But you know what that served me well when I was young, but not anymore, I am grown enough to know that it's not cute anymore and I pick my battles , sometimes I catch myself going off on someone and seeing someones face like "Damn that was harsh" I'll go toe to toe with a dude and cuss him out like if he was a bitch, I hang out with dudes, and well.. I'm good at it, but doesnt mean I have to engage in drama like that.

so maybe this blog has more to do of my "justifications" of my "attitude" .. actually funny thing is I haven't used the word "attitude" or heard anyone make any remarks of mine for years..

oh yea.. so I see things differently.

I see how the word hate can be used different ways. , I see it as the following -Hate, Jealousy and the way a person truely feels.

Have you ever heard "If your not getting hated on, your not doing shit"

now we all get negative shit sayed about us right? we all say negative things about people right?

I have been "Hated" on a shit load, some people went out of their way to say things about me for no reason just to get other people to dislike me, which I'm glad to say that even to this day I get messages from those people who believed the shit saying how wrong they were in thinking of me the way they were told to.

I use to cry, get hurt and really internalize the bad things, the horrible things, the SHIT THAT NEVER FUCKEN HAPPENED that people sayed did. Or the way they would say I was, or blah blah blah.

but you know what, after many years, I LAUGH .. I LAUGH and it actually flatters me, because I know my truth, so 1 thing I tell people when they hit me up asking for advice on what to do with haters is, smile. Think about it, these people are going OUT OF THEIR WAY spending THEIR ENERGY about you? when in reality what they are saying is out of malice that comes from their own insecurity, feel bad for them, they need a fucken hug or 2.

The words someone says negative to you or about you shows more about their character, flaws and issues more then the false lies being blamed and associated with you.

Thats how you have to think about it, and we all know the internet is a haters fucken paradise right?

I heard this quote from Dave Navarro, when asked by of course..who else TMZ what he thought about Pam Anderson and whoever she was divorcing, he replied "I'm not emotionally invested in their relationship" GOLDEN.

I also learned misery loves company, I learned not to give in and go at it, instead I kill them with sarcastic kindness, at times I can be condescending, and others I just don't even reply, they want that fight, they NEED THAT CONNECTION, to some it's like the only attention they can get or think they can get is to piss you off..

lets talk about Negative attention, it's easier to obtain then positive right? how often will you get messages from someone, and not pay attention but the minute they put something negative in the subject line your ready for war?

I get my share of rude and cruel comments from guys, and I know why.. cause they think I would probably reject them or they are intimidated by me for whatever reason .. oh I know cuz I don't like to be called Mami and Sexy, so since they are prolly afraid of conversing with a chick who can converse back , and since they can't flirt and I'm not gonna fuck them, OH MY THEY ARE AT A LOSS FOR WORDS. . so they say something stupid cuz they prolly assume by my assertiveness which I call respect for myself that I'm gonna be mad stuck up right?

Stupid.

It's such a cliche but I find it true. I say whats on my mind, and Im a "Bitch" but if a man does it, well he's the man.

I know for a fact I'm not a bitch. I'm a really cool ass person, I just have boundaries with people.

So sure I get hated on.. but in reality for someone to take the time to speak about me in a ill mannerism says more about them then me. and how sad for them their point of view is such in a negative box that they are trapped in.

Now there are some people who well.. hate on someone cause they really just don't like what that persn is doing, I don't think the person is jealous I really think the person is speaking their opinion.

Sure there are people who are assholes, and who are whores, so some may feel it's not hate calling them such, it's "Calling them as they see them"

I have a friend who is very negative, always says something about someone, either in public or wherever and its kind of draining..I tell this friend you got so much bad karma coming to you it ain't even funny.

sometimes people hate on another person because of what they secretly wish they had, or had the balls to do that or look like that.

look I'm not a fucken angel, I'll say my shit about people but it's usually shit I know to be true.

I don't think talking about someones handicap is cool, I actually think less of a person for that, I don't think talking about someone who is slow or over weight or what clothes they have on, what if the person can't afford new clothes, you never know what's really going on with someone.

I think everything goes back to compassion.

Sure our friends will say something about a ex's new boyfriend/girlfriend to cheer us up, or what was wrong with the ex, or someone who made you feel bad, there are always plenty of bad things to say about someone right? but it hurts like hell when it happens to us.. especially "assumptions".

Some people think I'm a "Grouppie" or had to do shit with people to get where I'm at or work for who I work for or do what I do, or have the connects I do, now it never really bothered me because I know I didn't have to do shit.. so mind you how good it feels to know I work for some of the illest because I have a talent that never had anything to do with spreading my legs. I don't fuck with emcees or groups, etc.. if you know me you know this is the 100% truth. I don't let anyone flirt with me or call me stupid names, I'm about my business and thats the reason why I work in a male dominated scene with no problems, no bad reputation or rumors, and if there are rumors it's from those who don't know..

"Don't argue with fools, cause people from distance can't tell who is who"

So to those who think other wise, it says more about what they would probably think they would have to do to get where I'm at. In reality in my truth I never had to ever lower myself. Business men don't want grouppies handling their career or money, remember that, they don't want to flirt with a broad who's handling their business.

They don't see gender with me, cause I keep it business.

It's sad and hurtful that for some to feel better about them self they need to put others down.

however, I've blogged on this before, about those who need to bring you down, a group could praise you and tell you how nice you are or what they loved about your project, etc and there has to be 1 to rain on your parade, that usually comes from insecurity, jealousy and god forbid to them you think of yourself highly.

Confidence is key, but also compassion and acknowledging the good in others is good Karma.

Don't forget the Universe is very powerfull and before I get into the whole spiritual thing, seriously I'll just leave it as this, Karma is real

Kids, Teachers, People weren't the nicest to me growing up, I know what hate is, I know the deep pain of it, trust me. Cruel, Horrible, Unnecessary hate I know it well directed right at me since I was little. So I try to tell people when they ask me for advice or if I see someone getting picked on..

when I see anyone getting picked on, even adults, I always talk to them, always let them know it's the person attacking them who probably admires something or feels threatened by them .. that in a way they should be flattered, yes it hurts and yes the bad ego in ourselves sometimes will think "this person sayed this this and this.. and they are right I am that that and that" and we just can't think like that..

Someone once told me a really cruel comment, I know he sayed it out of anger because 2 seconds before I turned him down I was a fucken god to him.. so he made a comment about my weight, of course guys always go there, so since we know the same people, I told some of my friends who happen to be actually heavy what he sayed bout me.. and well they weren't to happy with him because if he was calling me names, imagine what he would be thinking of them?

Some people will hate on you because in their mind it's easier to write you off, literally set you up to fail , they will treat you a certain way because they know you will obviously act negative back and POOF you proved them right.. WRONG. Those are the worst.

I can see alot of hate from someone comes from their own issues, fear and ignorance.

When you don't internalize .. meaning you don't take literally and blame yourself for thinking you are what that person sayed.. you are free.. sure it hurts and sometimes people will say things about you knowing what your weakness's or what your fear of being called are.. and to me those are the coward.. bitch ass people, they are less then you.. so again.. wish them love in their life.

You know what else bothers me but I totally get it.. when someone says something they know will hurt you.. I've been there, seeing someone, and I would say what would hurt me or what that person does that just crumbled me and this person would specifically do it for a fucken Reaction sure I would get hurt, cry, etc.. but you know what looking at it now.. especially in relationships where I see this pattern, this person wasn't dominating or had all the power, in reality I DID. It took me a while to it took me a while to learn that..

as with bullies, and those who pick on the weak.. they aren't really stronger or tougher, if anything they want to attack the good in you to kill it because they either fear it, want it or wish they had it.

I went off topic but hey I ramble oh well =)

and another thing, if you don't fucken like someone then why follow them? why voluntarily follow them on Myspace or on Twitter? then talk shit for everything they say? lol apparently you must like something about them..

If you don't like my blogs, then why read them? majority cause you want to know what Im gonna say, am I going to mention you? am I going to "prove you right" by saying something bitchy so you can write me off as one forever and totally disregard the good shit?

The Opposite of Love isn't Hate it's drum roll please... dun dun dun.... it's..

Indifference..

not saying anything if you don't have nothing nice to say.

Try say something nice about someone, or to someone, appreciation and gratifcation are amazing highs..

I can't stand when people say nice things just to say it when they don't really mean it, this is major for me, I just don't respect people like that. When your genuine it means the world to someome, don't butter someone up or give a fake compliment, thats horrible.

How bout really not giving a fuck of what someone is doing or who they are doing or what they are wearing or blah blah blah.

1 of my favorite tracks ever is "LOST ONES" from Lauryn Hill..

It's funny how money change a situationMiscommunication leads to complication My emancipation don't fit your equation I was on the humble, you - on every station
Some wan' play young Lauryn like she dumb
But remember not a game new under the sun
Everything you did has already been done
I know all the tricks from Bricks to Kingston
My ting done made your kingdom wan' run
Now understand L. Boogie's non-violent
But if a thing test me, run for mi gun
Can't take a threat to mi newborn son
L's been this way since creation
A groupie call, you fall from temptation
Now you wanna ball over seperation
Tarnish my image in you conversation
Who you gon' scrimmage like you the champion
You might win some but you just lost one

You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one

Now, now how come your talk turn cold
Gained the whole world for the price of your soul
Tryin' to grab hold of what you can't control
Now you're all floss, what a sight to behold
Wisdom is better than silver and gold
I was hopeless nowI'm on Hope road
Every man want to act like he's exempt When him need to get down to his knees and repent
Can't slick talk on the day of judgement
Your movement's similar to a serpent
Tried to play straight, how your whole style bent?
Consequence is no coincidence
Hypocrites always want to play innocent
Always want to take it to full out extent
Always want to make it seem like good intent
Never want to face it when it's time for punishment
I know that you don't wanna hear my opinion
But there come many paths and you must choose one
And if you don't change then the rain soon come
See you might win some but you just lost one

You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one

You might win some but you really lost one
You just lost one, it's so silly how come
When it's all done did you really gain from
What you done done, it's so silly how come
You just lost one

Now don't you understand man universal law
What you throw out comes back to you, star
Never underestimate those who you scar
'Cause karma, karma, karma comes back to you hard

You can't hold God's people back that long
The chain of Shatan wasn't made that strong
Trying to pretend like your word is our bond
But until you do right, all you do will go wrong
Now some might mistake this for just a simple song
And some don't know what they have 'til it's gone
Now even when you're gone you can still be rebornAnd, from the night can arrive the sweet dawn
Now, some might listen and some might shun
And some may thinkg that they've reached perfection
If you look closely you'll see what you've become
'Cause you might win some but you just lost one

You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one
You might win some but you just lost one

You might win some but you really lost one
You just lost one, it's so silly how come
When it's all done did you really gain from
What you done done, it's so silly how come
You just lost one

Fresno Trip -Update

2009-05-01T22:51:00.001-07:00

What a difference ... 2 weeks is? lol

Seems like working out 2 hours a day was so long ago. I think actually that Friday was the last time I actually worked out. .I did go to the gym that night, worked out 2 hours on the elipictial. I worked out so hard that it was hard for me to walk the next 2 days which was the weekend, and I didn't do so well

Monday came and I had a busy ass morning. I was leaving to Fresno for the day. Fresno is about 4 hours away from L.A, where I live. I had to get ready, then head out to get weighed, which I gained 2 ounces, yea.. 2 ounces, I worked out 2 hours a fucken day.. but I think what I ate that Sunday had something to do with it. Anyway I presented my goal which I did semi reach to the chick she looked at me stunned why I wasn't freaking out. I didn't tell her I ate like crap over the weekend. She sayed it must be my body holding on to water.

Look I was surprised 2 ounces and yes I know to much excercise can actually add to your weight, be it muscle, whatever, blah blah blah.. but in a week? so as I held back tears and smiled I had to go to Ventura pick up Bambi, who I manage. Bambi was to be in Fresno at a signing for a art show later that afternoon.

Already not feeling comftorable in my skin, I was in tow for the hour away ride thinking to myself like, trying not to be hard on myself, but come on, I'm on my own worst enemy, give myself a break? lol yea right....

So I get to her pad, her homeboys who are the SHIT! mad cool peoples, we took off, I drove.. it was kinda funny how we got there mad early, they teased I was speeding, there was just no traffic actually.. I did however, weave in and out of some feds.. oops =)

We get to Fresno, me and Lisa had never been, it wasn't really all that different. I was totally surprised, I think all of us were at how fucken dope the art show was. It was held at The Chop Shop, a barbor shop. Not big at all but it was dope. Everyone that came through, and there was alot of gente, surprisingly, mad fucken cool, treated us like fucken celebs, Bambi sold all of her gorgeous posters!

The thing I really fucken loved was the music the DJ was playing, straight up HIP HOP all the Golden Era shit mixed in with the classic funk, soul & oldies, we were loven it, we didn't want to leave!

Bambi, Vinnie aka Skittles, Fred aka Sweetness, and myself.. had a fucken blast together.

Even some Psycho Realm fans came down and supported, it was good times for sure.

Here are some pics!

Luis & Bambi
Bambi with the paparrazi

So good times! then for the rest of the week, I didn't feel good, not sure why I think stomach flu?

anywho so now it's like almost 2 weeks later I guess and I had the fucken flu all this week.

I want to blog but I kinda have to be in the mood. Just thought I would share this.

It's Friday! =)

2009-04-17T20:22:00.001-07:00

This is how I aim to sweat EVERYDAY.

So I went to my grandmothers house and we had a talk about weight that night, a talk that normally wouldn't haven ended well.

She went on a vacation to Hawaii, and her long time friend had gained so much weight she broke a chair, how horrible is that? We were sitting at the dinner table. I automatically loose my appetite the minute I walk in her house because of the way I was treated, it was ALWAYS about my weight.

anywho, she starts talking bout whats healthy and whats not, and I correct her on how meat is not healthy and is not a protein humans can even begin to digest especially with all the bullshit the government pumps in them and their emotions/anxiety, etc.. OK I'll stop, But I know the facts.

wait 1 more.. ON how Banana's have to much sugar and how Potatoes have to much starch (ahs she slaps on the butter) LMAO I'm like um THEY ARE PERFECT FOOD, the fruit in sugar you speak about is the sugar your body can digest where it benefits you, the STARCH in Potato is 1 of the elements your body needs to feel full, so GROWN SUGAR AND STARCH you are taught to be afraid of by white sugar making companies that aim to kill you with their chemicals dressed in white... are GOOD FOR YOU ..

BUT anyway, we brought up my weight, and she sayed "You've been gaining weight? since when"?"

Ok.. so I didn't know to be mad that she hasn't noticed? or am I assuming she will always see me as I see myself?

weird right..

So we get home late my mother and I went to Whole Foods, got all kinds of organic food and fruit/vegetables, the moment I get home I put everything ready to go for the morning, I need to be prepared or it won't work. I got bananas, beans, my vegan boca burgers (that taste like taste and are only 1 point on Weight Watchers) fruits and veggies, etc.. etc..

BACK TO BASICS! I know what works for me and my body.

I took a sleeping pill, I need to get my pattern back on track

SO Monday came I got up, had my oatmeal and bananas, I was thinking about rejoining Weight Watchers but I didn't want to pay the registration fee, as I am about to type weightwatchers.com I got the remote and turned on the TV and what do ya know? It was a Weight Watchers commercial saying the are offering FREE Registration! If that's not a sign I don't know what is!

So I decided I'm gonna go. I got ready found the earliest time BUT this time instead of hitting taco bell and having my last meal I go right to my car where I encounter my neighbor and good friend, she asked where I was going and I told her, she's always trying to loose weight, so she's like LETS GO TO TACO BELL FIRST!

I'm like NOPE, Her dad walked up and she had to take care of something so she didn't come with me, I went and joined, it's changed a bit since I last went. One thing I don't like is people selling me shit, that's 1 thing I could have not dealt with, all these products being pushed on me, but I made it clear what I'm there for and what I will ONLY be purchasing.

Let me make it clear, Weight Watchers is amazing, and I will always back it up 100%, they are not pushy as a business, this particular worker was, NOT ALL.

I went on Weight Watchers in 04, lost 30 pounds. If Weight Watchers doesn't work for you THEN YOUR NOT SERIOUS ABOUT LOOSING WEIGHT. .That's how easy the program is, you can eat WHATEVER YOU WANT.

any who when I went Vegan in 07 I didn't need WW because I ate pure and organic.

It's a trip because I don't agree Meat and Dairy like Milk and Cheese are healthy for you, because they are not. POINT BLANK THEY ARE NOT.

So on the WW Plan they do promote that as a healthy lifestyle, etc.. ok fine but not for me

what I like is they have a plan for Vegetarians and Vegans.

So I'm at the meeting which I totally suggest everyone should stay for.

The Leader was talking about Goals, now for me personally, I don't know how to keep goals.

So she gave us a paper for us to write a Goal and how to keep them. So I told her my goal for the week would be to exercise everyday.

I got weighed and I weigh 155, I'm 5'5 I thought for sure I would weigh in the 60's, but okay if it says so!

It's now Friday and I have exercised 2 hours everyday! I am so proud of my body for not being sore or anything!!!!!! that's a BLESSING! especially since my mishap back in August that kept me on bed rest for a month!

I have been journaling everything I eat, I have been eating beautifully, I am mindful and I'm on my game right now

My steps to get to my goal are these
1. Make Time to workout
2. Walk to Places instead of driving
3. Find different workouts for everyday
4. Different Play lists for each day
5. Have clothes and shoes ready to go

so It's Friday, Just wanted to give an update, I'm on my way to the gym, I worked out for an hour earlier but I wanted to reach for 3 hours, so 2 hours and I'm good.

I know it's not realistic for everyone and yes, over exercising can hurt your body and may even make you gain weight, I just want to see if I can do it.

Shit if people on The Biggest Looser that weigh over 300 can do 6 hours a day, I can do 2! lol

I'm going to Fresno on Monday, BUT I will be going to get weighed and stay for the meeting!

Sex Offenders- Help pass this Bill-SAVE YOUR KIDS!

2009-04-16T16:55:00.000-07:00

Help Get Funding for the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act

The Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act was passed on July 25, 2006—20 years after Adam Walsh's abduction. The act established a National Sex Offender Registry law, but recent news reports reveal most states will not be in compliance with the law by the upcoming July 2009 deadline. If senators and state representatives don't comply with and fully fund the act, it will expire.

Oprah did a show entirely about kids and the net, the horrible stories of kids who thought they know who they were talking to, but instead were kidnapped, raped, and even worse..John Walsh, host of AMERICAS MOST WANTED, who lost his son 27 years ago to a man who kidnapped and decapitated his son. On the 25th anniversary of his Son's death John finally got a bill into Congress to make any Child Abuser Register in every state.. that way a NATIONAL Registry can tell you where exactly these Pervs are living..

YOU NEVER KNOW BUT IF YOU COULD.. WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO KNOW?
THERE IS NO MONEY FOR THIS BILL.. UNLESS OUR STATE REPRESENTATIVES ASK FOR IT! LETS BAIL OUT OUR KIDS! WE HAVE TILL JULY 09, BUT HOW MANY KIDS DON'T?

In the Link I provided below, Oprah has already written a letter that you can Print and send to your state Representative or Email..Oprah makes it VERY EASY , just click on your state and it will show who you need to send it to =)

http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090220-tows-adam-walsh-act

Here's what a Sample Letter looks like:

Write to Your Senators and State Representative, If you choose to write a letter, fax, telegram or e-mail, you may use the following sample letter. Feel free to modify it how you see fit.

If your in Cali, Here's the link to Diane Feinstein & Barbara Boxer

http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm?State=CA

Dear [Senator/Congressman/or Congresswoman]:

I am sure you share my belief that we must do everything in our power to help protect our children from sexual predators in our communities. That is why I am asking for your help today.I am extremely concerned about how we track registered sex offenders in our country. According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, an estimated 100,000 sex offenders are unaccounted for and not living where they are registered. Because law enforcement agencies are too underfunded and overwhelmed to track them, these dangerous predators are free to roam undetected from state to state, targeting and re-offending more innocent children.The Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act, which was signed into law in 2006, created a National Sex Offender Registry, but recent news reports reveal most states will not be in compliance with the law by the upcoming July deadline. Supporters of the law acknowledge there are adjustments that should be made to the law, but they are adamant, as am I, that the basic purpose and spirit of Adam's act must be upheld. The act calls for a National Sex Offender Registry,which is critical to the safety of our children.I implore you to reexamine this law with fellow lawmakers, reauthorize it and see that it is fully funded. I realize our country's current economic crisis will not make this charge an easy one, but what could be more urgent and of greater importance than the safety and well-being of our children?

Sincerely,(your name here)

I'll start Monday, Cause Tue-Sunday Doesn't count! right?

2009-04-12T13:21:00.000-07:00

Right?

Every week for WEEKS shit even Months I'm like I'm gonna start eating clean and healthy. Monday for sure.

But

That Magical Monday comes and goes.

I can't blame it on the fucken day of the week, I know exactly how to start eating clean and healthy, shit I went Vegan, did that to perfection, no problem. I then went to Vegetarian (still no meat/fish since 06!) .. It's a sugar addiction I have. Plus I like comfort food.

I have a weight issue, it's my issue and plenty of people have theirs. It's an emotional thing I guess, I think sometimes I might put on weight to protect or defend myself? I can see that now, I don't like attention, I sure damn as hell don't like stupid perv ass attention from dudes, never did, I don't need attention on myself to feel good or valid.

I also have this complex, I've blogged about it alot because it's something I've had since I was a little girl, I think I use my weight as a way of rebelling, but like the old saying goes "Your only hurting yourself"

When I've blogged about this I've mentioned where it stems from. My Grandmother, She is absolutely stunning even to this day, she is a former model, My moms side is South American, you know the type turquoise eyes, light skinned, blond hair, tall and slender. I had none of that when I was born lol.

She made weight a MAJOR issue growing up. I was the only grandchild and I was constantly compared to my stunning cousins who tall and skinny. I have an impeccable memory, I can remember different episodes with her when I was 5. Always about my weight but now that I'm older, it's not really about MY weight, it was her insecurities that she took out on me.

I still to this very day value myself some what by a number. If I am at a certain number on the scale then I am "accepted" but accepted by who? myself? society?

I've written before how it feels when I've gained weight, some people tell me "You can't even tell" yea right, I hide it good, although I gain it first in my face but my body will follow mostly my arms, and stomach, thankfully my thighs and legs, I've never had a problem, now I'm approaching my latge 20's AGHHHHHHHHHHH! I hope my body doesn't change to fast.

I have to cover up if I go outside, I feel like if I show something un pleasant, if my stomach hangs out in a certain way or it doesn't look "smooth" them some how I'm in trouble or committing a Haynes act in public and being judged by every single person, why do I think like that?

The funny thing is, even though I see myself maybe from a extreme magnified distorted mirror. I am no way obese, even though to me I feel I am. The heaviest I've weighed , well that I've actually known from a scale is 173.5, I've always gone up and done, I'm 5'5 I don't wear it well.

I have gained weight, I don't feel comfortable in my body, although I feel like I could be 173 now I know I'm not. I weighed myself on a couple scales and it's in the 50's but as much dieting as I've done, I know exactly (well I think) just by how my clothes fit what number range I'm in.

I don't have the body type where I'm big boned, cause I'm not. I don't have the body type where I'm chubby, cause I'm not, although I do feel like it.

I am usually a Medium, Once I started fitting into Larges at stores, I FREAKED OUT. Then again, I'll go to the Asian clothing stores and their sizes always run small so who really knows.

A couple weeks ago I was at my friends house looking for some tops to borrow, she gave me a huge stack of Larges and Xtra Larges, I always swim in them because they are to huge for me, even looking at the tops they seem to big for my frame, but I knew if I kept over eating, eating when I'm not even hungry but OVERLY eating I know I was bound for that extra size.

So what am I REALLY hungry for?

I do have a thing of self sabotaging myself, I could be a very successful talented person but I stop myself when I get to close, why do I do that?

It's not about the weight, it's about why I am eating to destroy myself..

No one pressures me about my weight because some just don't see it, or they just don't say anything. I can loose weight very easy when I'm on point with my workout and eating schedule. But I can also gain very very fast.

I find one thing and I over do it, I was talking to my friend 1 day and I was saying how I'm obessed with this one restaurant, I go literally everyday, I thought I was being obsessive, he's like your compulsive.. and there was an "AHA" moment.. I am. I am trading one bad eating habit for another, now it's Taco Bell Super Nachos!

So Today is Sunday and well, Tomorrow is Monday the difference is I am going to be real prepared, at least I hope mentally.

The pattern is, Sunday's.. I go and buy all my healthy shit.. then I go PIG OUT on what I usually eat cause you know it's the "Last Time" I'll be able to have it.. yea right.

But then I have to go somewhere, and it's so much easier to go through drive thru or if I'm with someone and they want to eat some where, "Oh well I'll just start tomorrow" but then I think of all the places or people I have to go out with and think fuck it, next Monday"

You know if you go off track for one moment of one day, you start convincing yourself NEXT MONDAY FOR SURE.

I have pressure on myself, I get so many positive feedback on my Myspace, or my blogs or what I do, so whenever there is a huge event I feel I have to look good. But they aren't complimenting me on my looks, and even if they did, I really don't need to hear it because even if I do look good, I really only care what I think of myself..

So why should I care what I look like if they are obviously praising my mind and my talents? I guess because it's the little girl in my, it's the complex, it's the scale..

I've been at a good weight, I've been the way I want to look and my life wasn't perfect. I just know the feeling of absolute bliss of being that weight.

I remember being told I need to gain weight, that I was getting to Skinny .. DON'T picture a skinny waffle cause that I will never be, it's not my body structure, I have an average body shape I guess but I just remember telling myself I haven't hit the number yet .. but what number will suffice me?

No one on both sides of my family have any weight issues what so ever. at all.

I often say I don't need praise on how I look, I really don't, I think because my mom gave me so much love and attention and still does, that I don't look for it, I don't see it, only other person I seek it from, that I need it from naturally, is if I'm dating someone, of course you want to look good for that person!

an abundance of weight does NOT look good on me, so when I loose it , all of a sudden some people start treating me like I'm some fucken new born queen, like they some discovered entity, it's so superficial and un real.

It's hard when my moms parents who are both re-married, all of a sudden remember I'm at the table when I've lost weight. All of a sudden I'm worth speaking to, how fucken stupid is that, I used to internalize that but now I see it as their insecurities.

I remember being at my great uncles funeral, and my grandmother who I have a serious rocky "relationship" with says "You look so beautiful, I didn't even recognize you" OUCH.

I have to go to her house later on, and long gone are the days when she micro managed everything I ate, she stopped bringing out the scale, her fucken comments, she hasn't sayed anything but I know she's thinking it. It's weird cause when I walk in that house she greets me with a compliment, but it doesn't make me at ease, it actually pisses me the fuck off, I know she's trying to have a relationship with me so she's saying the compliments to try to have a way of communication. Don't get it twisted by me not being happy with anything, I know her heart is in the right place, and she's trying hard, we haven't been able to be around each other for years without a really damaging fight, BUT it's kind of like the "elephant" in the room kind of thing and it's just ass backwards.

I don't need to loose weight for anyone but me

I remember my friend who was pretty heavy, pushing almost 400, I love her dearly, sweet heart to the fullest! We use to work together, She would bring her lunch everyday, the funny thing is, none of her foods could be touched. The Meat, Bread, Lettuce, etc all in separate plastic baggies, she was very meticulous with her food but the ironic thing is she wasn't the same with what she ate and how it affected her body.

I'm going back to basics, back to what always worked for me.

Weight Watchers and my fav place to workout including the very food that satisfies me and nourishes my body.

Peep Show!

2009-04-10T19:00:00.000-07:00

I just had to post this so fucken cute!

Michelle Rodgriguez in my room, Thanks Latina Magazine!

2009-04-10T14:18:00.000-07:00

Not really, but Kinda!

I am excited!

Often I'll talk about Manifestation, Law of Attraction, etc..

This past weekend was the opening of Fast and The Furious 4, Michelle Rodriguez who everyone knows I totally love, is in it! So everyday I've been getting asked if I've seen it.. I think people associate her with me because of My MySpace page, I hope they associate her as talented actress ..well the HOT talented actress..

anywho, so Sunday I was passing through Hollywood and I remember thinking of Latina Magazine, 1 of my favorite Magazines ever. I have always had a personal goal of being featured in Latina Magazine, (I actually was BUT only cause I wrote in about Thalia and they mentioned my letter) I hope when I have something note worthy to be featured on.

So Yesterday I get a E-Mail OUT OF NO WHERE from my G-Mail account from Latina Magazine! :

We noticed on Twitter that you’re a huge Michelle Rodriguez fan. We’d like to send you something we think you’ll like.

Please send us your mailing address if you’d like us to mail it.

Follow us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/LatinaMagazine

Thanks!

I was like WTF! HELL YES! lol.

So I gave her my address, and TODAY this is what I got!

IT'S A HUGE BEAUTIFUL POSTER! ! =) Of course hanging in my room

SHE IS ON THE MAY COVER OF LATINA MAGAZINE =) visit Latina.com
check out Michelle's links!

Michelle's Myspace , Website, Facebook, YouTube

We are all connected!

2009-04-09T11:37:00.000-07:00

We are all One

This video makes me ball like a little girl.

My mom is a true Animal Activist and Lover... Ever since I was little she use to take me the the Wild Life Station, we used to sponsor Lions, Skunks, you name it.

I am BEYOND BLESSED my mom instilled the compassion and respect for all Animals, including Wild Animals.

Lions are right up there with animals I have a profound respect for, so it makes me incredibly emotional to see this because those who have a connection with animals, that see them as one of us and not something below us... Plus I've had animals all of my life, so I can't even imagine what it must have felt like for everyone to be reunited.

The very body language Christian The Lion is expressing is absolutely genderless, it's so organic and pure, it's natural.

I hope this at least helps break the stupid stigma Animals don't feel or express like we do.. cause they DO.

I'm having a little trouble putting videos from youtube on here so if you can see it GREAT! and if not I will put the direct link to the video

Direct Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiGKWoJi5qM

My Friday -I'm Pooped!

2009-03-27T22:29:00.000-07:00

I don't know why but to me personally feels like my blogs haven't been that interesting to some? or maybe just not that interesting to me?

I did not want to take up this morning but I am a punctual person and if I have to be somewhere at a certain time, I am there on the dot. I was soooooo tired! took me forever to go to sleep last night. I got up mad early.

I had a meeting with Tone & Jack (Psycho Realm) regarding Jack's new project "Stray Bullets". The meeting started late, I was STARVING then I remembered I had some protein bars I got in my trunk.. I swore I thought one was "Caramel Nut Bust" LMAO it was Nut Blast. My peeps on Twitter got a kick out of that, as I pointed out to one.. I don't allow any nuts busting or blasting in my mouth.. LMAO!

So The meeting started, Basically I got a shit load of Hip Hop/Radio Sites, etc from all over the world, literally, for Jack to do Interviews, etc.. Jack played some dope tracks from the new project..I went over the sites, and we strategist which was going to be done in person, phone, email, etc. Plus for the Release Party, In stores, Upcoming appearances, etc.

I also had to meet up with 1 of their dudes who wanted to meet with me to promo/market his 2 stores and other business, that went well also.

I love networking, and I love what I do.

I got some stuff lined up for Immortal Technique, Interview wise, which is dope, His music is the shit!

The plan was to leave the studio around 3 so I can make it home by 4:30. I was going to have dinner with 1 of my oldest friends, who I call Christanka, only other person besides my mom and maybe 1 other person that knows everything about me. I had her hold some money from me which I thought she was going to give me but it didn't come through in time.. so I was like dang! She doesn't live close but Soup Plantation is our spot so either way I was happy plus I got a coupon! lol trust me made a big difference..

Ok so I got home in time.. Got a check in the mail, I really don't like dealing with a certain bank, but I've had luck cashing it there so I go in and the girl tries to tell me some bullshit, fuck them tryen to play me.

My phone was going dead!!!!! I didn't have my car charger, and I don't like to be without my phone, I figured I had enough time to cash the check a little farther and pay my cell phone since it was due today...

So I cash it, then head back, and proceed to T-Mobile.. Now the story with them starts earlier this month. I have Flex Pay which is the SHIT, I used my moms credit card earlier this month, since it's pro-rated the amount was less.. Now You can have "Easy Pay" where they automatically take out the amount from the bank account. Of course I would NEVER click YES. especially since this was a CUSTOM PAYMENT.

My billing cycle starts the 28th of every month. So why my mom got a charge for my entire April payment is beyond me. Why are they charging her on the fucken 22nd? I didn't click EASY PAY! I called Tuesday right.. had a HORRIBLE DAY.. I got the girl on the phone from T-Mobile saying "I'll take off Easy Pay" I tell her common sense I didn't click Easy Pay

1. If I clicked Easy Pay how could I customize it for an amount less then my bill
2. If I clicked Easy Pay you get 5.00 off your bill.. So why would you charge me for the full amount?

I DIDNT CLICK EASY PAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! & EVEN IF I DID WHY ARE YOU CHARGING THE CARD ON THE FUCKEN 22ND?

The girl was very nice.. and I asked to speak to her supervisor because she was very help full, I asked the Supervisor to RE-CONFIRM they are refunding my moms card. and she did.

so my mom tells me yesterday, her card is still being charged.

OK so I get to the T-Mobile store today and I give the dude cash, he tells me my account is payed and there is no balance, I calll my mom asked her if they removed the charge she says NO. He's like well we took off Easy Pay

AGAIN WITH THE FUCKEN EASY PAY.. I DIDNT CLICK EASY PAY!!!!!!!!!

So not much he can do. He says "why don't you just give the money to your mom" I'm like ugh NO

1. Say they are in the process of refunding my moms money, and right at this moment I give my mom cash.. then I'm fucked when my service is interrupted?

2. If next month Tmobile decides to charge my mom whenever they feel like it.. There is no recourse that I put in a complaint? like nothings wrong?

I don't think so. So as my phone shuts off my friend says she's at my pad.

Were off to SP! Christanka ay dios this girl! See I am a cool person, most things I won't make an issue out of except if I'm directly disrespected but Christanka ain't go no shame lol.

Soup Plantation is kind of like a buffet. You start at the Salad Bar then you pay, then you sit then you can get whatever you want from different food stations.

Today was crowded so when we payed we had to wait to be seated because there wasn't many available seats, so we were the next to be seated when the line started backing up like a traffic Jam lol. A Party behind us started to walk to find seats when 1 of the dudes noticed we were waited to be seated, Honestly I didn't care if they found seats, it's not a big deal to me honesty, bigger battles in life. Christanka starts maken comments to them i'm like OMG. lol.

We have our little routine.. She gets the Bread, I get the Drinks. She comes back with like 1 half of a piece of bread? I can NOT eat my salad comfy without the bread, It's just what I do..

She says homeboy told her "I'm not making anymore bread till more people ask for it" WHAT THE FUCK? Knowing how she is, I figured I would go check in a little bit. So I go and there is NOTHING so I ask when he will be putting the bread out he sayed "Not Now" okay thats fucken rude. So I went to the head and asked her why they aren't serving the bread? she sayed what? who told you that? I told her what I was told she rolled her eyes and sayed No, we ALWAYS serve bread, I told her how can people ask for what they don't think there is lol.

Now Christina is speaking about her adorable daughter, but she is making the EXACT faces, facial expression oh my god. At times she makes weird faces to impersonate people period and it's NOT flattering, it dawned on me she kind of looks "slow" So I kept on my sun glasses, not being drastic but this shit was embarrassing, if she was "Slow" no problem, the problem was is she isn't and it's seriously causing attention, knowing that I'm getting embarrassed she does it even MORE lol. It was funny but I told her .. "Girl you already got Bad Karma don't add to it."

A couple next to use kept getting up and getting more and more food, for some reason I noticed it and then wanted a couple more pieces of the pizza, so I go and get it, which is weird, Christina started doing the same, as were grubben she made a comment about the couple noticing they keep going back and forth and how if they can we all can lol. Towards the end THE BREAD FINALLY CAME LOL.

as were leaving Christina was going to tell them "I FORFIT YOU WIN" but I stopped her and got her the hell out of there before she intentionaly embarrassed me further lol.

As were walking out a older couple was chillen in the car, 1 was asleep, this broad walks by shaking the keys to wake her up.. You see what I mean.. Bad Karma.. the ride home wasn't any better LOL I texted her husband "I feel bad for you I am so embarrassed" he texts back "You wanted to have dinner with her!" LOL.

Anyway, I get home finally and call Tmobile! The lady sayed that the person I spoke to earlier in the week only "Took off Easy Pay" and not credited the bank back. POR DIOS!!!!!!!!!! I was like I DIDN'T CLICK EASY PAY!!! LOL.

She was really nice, she promised to the high Heavens my moms card wouldn't get charged again. I just ended up giving my mom the cash, and the nice lady put it in the notes. I felt bad I should have asked to speak to her manager and praise her for her help. She was the one who deserved it.

I am so tired.

I am going back to the studio tomorrow to close the deal then start on his sites.

This week has been pretty good, I posted 3 new interviews on Raptalk.net, News and Updates on Blogging&Bitches.com and SickSymphonies.com

I'm VERY excited that Chino XL will be my new client. I'm a HUGE fan, and friend, so You will be seeing alot more of him as his new album drops! =)

Has this ever happened to you? Law of Attraction/Manifestation/etc.

2009-03-19T20:18:00.000-07:00

If your familiar with Manifestation.. Law of Attraction... etc then you will know what I'm talking about.

If not, most assume things are "coincidence" .. I use to think that way until I started learning about Spirituality, the connection between our energy's, God, The Universe, Angels etc..

I don't believe in luck anymore, thats a not a negative statement. I believe everything happens for a reason. I truly believe things are pre-destined. Things happen for a reason,

But I get confused because I question it again with.. if things are already pre-destined.. then how can I have the freedom to create and manifest things at my own free will if everything happens for a reason? or do does that very question cancel it self out with a way of explaining it as.. What I'm manifesting isn't really me thinking freely.. because if things are happening for a reason, What if I thought about things that were totally off track to what my purpose or what is planned for me?

let me confuse me and you even more with.. I've read a couple of books now spiritual related, etc and it conveys the message that we are here for a purpose. To learn the lessons we set out with God before we were born.. So with that.. what about the people that never really amounted to anything? I don't think thats what they chose..but then again, it's up to us to learn the lessons in life ... but then I think.. how does that go on the side of things happen for a reason? pre-destined?

I suggest you research your own info on Law of Attraction/Manifestation ..and I don't mean the fluff of "The Secret"

Your thoughts literally do become your reality it's not like oh I think I want a million dollars, and bam it happens, but then again anything is possible..My friend Janice puts everything so eloquently.. For more on this I HIGHLY Recommend reading her blogs Click Here

I think some people are more intuitive then others, although I think we all have intuition, that gut feeling that you KNOW something is clear or not.

Ever thought of someone, something, etc and they call/e-mail/run into/show up, etc?

I have noticed it's been happening alot more than usual.

I'm a little confused however, between Manifestation and actually knowing like intuitive or "calling it" Psychic type senses.
At times things will happen or appear that I've been thinking of.. a couple times I thought I was dead on.. and to me it's like I called it! but then others thought I manifested it... so thats where I'm uncertain.. the fine line that separates both.. either way.. it comes true for me.

I remember thinking of I Love Lucy episodes as a little girl and they would literally come on like the next day or so.. or little things here and there, it's crazy.

at least everyday I notice something I've been thinking actually comes true.

I can blog about so many different examples but I'll blog about today for instance....
I'm sure there is a mixture of me manifesting something, my psychic abilities and visions either I know are coming or I manifest to come true... I think Manifesting is something I'm creating where Psychic abilities is whats already created that I will experience in the very short future

I will just call my examples below as "experiences"

Sometimes I will be thinking of something and it comes true either days later or literally the next couple minutes.

Today I was thinking of one of my friends I haven't seen or heard from her in a minute (months). I was conversing with her cousin in law last week and he even brought her up, I thought about her the other day and I thought about her earlier.. and today out of NO WHERE she adds me on twitter.

I was watching a Novela last night and in a scene one of the actors hid so he wouldn't be seen by a certain person, I thought.. I wonder if I would ever hide from someone I didn't want to see..

I was thinking about a old friend I hadn't seen in a while, I thought about her earlier, and her attempts at trying to hang out and just talk to me.. I thought about how we stopped talking, she was heavy in drugs, even left me somewhere and how now I don't know if I want that kind of drama regardless if she's sober. Sometimes people change and grow apart.

I went to the market a little while ago, I happened to go to one I never really shop at.. they were having a huge blow out sale. As I'm walking in the parking lot a girl from behind looks JUST LIKE my old friend, I thought "how funny I was thinking of her earlier".. I then walk in the store and I literally see my old friend standing right there.

So what did I do? I put my glasses on and Hide. LOL. I looked like crapola and didn't felt like throwing up, I wasn't in the mood to catch up

Earlier in the week I thought about a particular scene in the movie Good Fellas, and right now Good Fellas is on T.V.. I'm semi watching it as I'm writing this.

A couple times this week I will be thinking of a person like say on Myspace or Twitter.. I see their posts, but haven't really conversed with them or spoken to ever.. a couple minutes later usually that person will hit me up "out of the blue"

Or I'll think .. I wonder if so and so know each other? or so and so would get along.. and sooner than later I will see a pic of them together or they start talking..

So shit like that is weird.

I have one of the most accurate memory's.. I can literally tell you exactly what I was doing, wearing, at what time.. etc last year, and most years past. It's at times a blessing and a curse. I have been tested on my memory and I am well above average.

So sometimes If I hear a voice, .. no not in my head lol, but like on T.V or someone.. just a couple words, or a sound of a song, etc.. I will remember exactly who where and when that person is. It's amazing.

Sometimes, I will think the worst and the best happens. So at times I hit and miss. but for the most part everyday is crazy.

I wish I could have dreams where my Angels or people in my past talk to me. I think they don't because even though I totally believe in Angels, Spirits, ghosts etc.. I am horrified of ghosts, etc.. I think thats why I haven't because I always thought I would die from horror if I saw one. I've read and heard Angels, Deceased Family Members, Friend won't come through because they know you will get scared and they don't want to frighten you.

I have people tell me that a dead family member always comes to them in their dreams and talks to them.. I am so envious of that!

Also sometimes certain things will click in my head and stay with me.. I will wonder why that person sayed it or a certain word.. it's like a piece to a puzzle.. for some reason whatever the word or etc.. Something will come up where that piece will fit the proper puzzle. It's crazy.

I have noticed I will see, read or hear like for another example.. I have been hearing and reading lately how being polite and keeping your cool and not getting Angry in a situation helps. Like if your at a store or get in an accident instead of fighting and over reacting.. Getting angry and yelling isn't going to help" -This is exactly what I've heard on T.V these past couple days, read in a book I'm currently reading this week, etc. So it's like is the universe sending me messages that I will be in a situation like this?

crazy right.. so is it Law of Attraction, Manifestation, or my Psychic abilities?

who knows..

now the golden question.. if I could only use my powers for good lol. As in using it to my benefit .. think "outside the box" and really put it to use. I'm talking about moving objects and creating fire balls lol.

Thats my story =)

CATS OH MY!

2009-03-18T19:08:00.000-07:00

I've had many animals, many cats all from shelters! they are the BEST.

I have a thing for Persian cats, they are huge and fluffly, little pushed in faces, they are high maintenance due to their small noses, they can have alot of health problems. They are also very dositle and gorgeous.

This is our 2nd Persian Rafeed. My mom has a thing with naming Persians Persian names lol my other one R.I.P was King Raffi

anywho my little love bug aka Rafeed? I call him Papito..

The Before

and the AFTER

We had him groomed..he feels so much better.. all he wants to do is snuggle .. he HAS to lay half of his body on me.. he snuggles up next to me, positions his 2 front paws on my arm then lays down. It's ADORABLE.

If I'm not paying attention to him he will get up and literally plop in position somewhere else, he likes to lay on my tennis shoes, he uses them as pillows, sooo cute.

I don't know why my cats lay like this but I LOVE IT. It's ADORABLE.

I can go on and on about all the adorable shit my cats do.. sooooooo cute! but I will keep it short.

My 1st Persian .. R.I.P (excuse my messy bed)

My cat Smokey is 14 years old.

I always catch her laying with her paw over her face.. so cute.

anywhoooooo thats my story

Nothing is written in Stone

2009-03-18T17:41:00.000-07:00

If I had a centavo for everytime my mom has sayed that.. she has TONS of those similes? I think you call it?

like "Always have your ducks in a row" or I dunno other shit, when I think of some I will add.. anywho..

My mom is one of those people that have awesome people skills, she can bargain almost anything from what the price tag cost is..

Me on the other hand? well I'm not one to haggle, either I can afford the price or not.. however there are CERTAIN things in life I don't take NO or think it's "Written in stone"

GOOGLE is a GREAT example, I'll elaborate on that later including other things and ways nothing is written in stone, but I'm a little tired right now so I will just post my rand and some tidbits and add to this later.

Sometimes my clients will pay me in checks, for some reason 99% They bank with Washington Mutual. Well I don't bank with WaMu.. so there is 1 branch where I live and they are extremely rude.. asken me questions about who I bank with, etc.. given me fucken tude.. Feels like that Pretty Woman clip where she's shoppen at a store in Rodeo minus me and the hooker boots.. I got the fucken cash just cash the shit already.. and of course always rude and THEY SWEAR I CAN NOT CASH THE CHECK THERE BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE AN ACCOUNT. first it was cause I didn't have proper I.D to meet their criteria..

I didn't give up, I went a couple minutes away to another one, AND THEY CASHED IT. NO PROBLEM WHAT SO FUCKEN EVER. Didn't even notice one of my I.D's had expired.. (like my mom says.. The I.D expired, I didn't)

so Today I had a WaMu MONEY ORDER meaning THE MONEY ORDER IS FROM THEIR BANK THAT THEIR CUSTOMER BOUGHT FROM say it with me WA fucken MU

I dreaded walking in there.. so I present the money order, I pull out my I.Ds and the lady tells me

-Do you have an account with us?

me-No

-I'll be right back

couple minutes later..

-We can't cash this if you don't have an account, You can cash it at YOUR bank. OR You can open an account with us for 100.00 blah blah blah..

me- Okay hmm.. So your telling me I can't cash this WASHINGTON MUTUAL MONEY ORDER that was Purchased from your own Washington Mutual customer because? I'm not a customer? it's not a personal check.. it's a Money Order.

-Yes, You need to cash it at your own bank.

me- Really, so there is no way you can help me with this?

-I'm sorry but thats our Policy

me-Anything to get new customers even drive off potentials.

text can't translate her fucken attitude and tone.

So I go back to my faith full WaMu down the street practically..I walk up..the girl looks, says I need to 2 I.D's, of course I pull out the old and the new I.D's, she says

-We can't take these 2 forms of I.D Together, do you have any credit cards with your picture?

me-No, this is all I have

-I am so sorry but we need a credit card or another form of I.D to go along with your licence, I'm really sorry,

me-okay, cool, what about Social Security?

-Yes, Perfect! we take that =)

me-Shit I left it at home, can I come back?

-I'm sorry about that, sure come back and I will cash it for you =)

I go home and come right back, I get another teller, so I first tell her how I had a horrible experience at the other branch and how this one is my favorite because of the great customer service which is 100% TRUE. They are nicer here.

SO I give her my 2 forms of I.D and my SSCard.. she says how sorry she is I had a horrible experience.. I tell her how the lady next to her was immensely helpful, especially since I don't have a WaMu account, I may think about opening one up since I live down the street and everyone is friendly here.......................

She was SO fucken nice.. she sayed it's nice to hear positive feedback instead of always negative and she practically gift wrapped the bills when she was cashing the money order =)

I asked her if I could write a comment card or speak to manager about her and the lady before her who helped me, she was like wow really? .... She put me in the SYSTEM so I shouldn't have any trouble next time =)

SO I DONT NEED AN ACCOUNT AFTER ALL RIGHT?

so my point, If I listened to that idiotic branch who told me no way could I do what I did.. ACTUALLY the couple times I tried that branch first (cause it's literally around the corner) they always told me no ...

but I didn't give up and I was going to cash that pinche Money Order one way or another...............

also I was raised to always give positive feedback to anyone who goes out of their way or just basically friendly and shows a bit of friendliness. I will ask to speak to their manager, supervisor, write a comment card, suggestion box, call or email about how I appreciate the way the worker was to me and why.

PLUS it makes that person feel good to know people actually took the time to appreciate them. Who wouldn't love praise from someone? especially if their boss is an ass and and a customer is raving about them =)

Sometimes if I'm really irritated with a person I will complain. I do know alot of people might have things going on I may not know about so I try to just let it go..

I sayed try lol sometimes people don't like their jobs and they get stupid with you the customer! fuck that. I'm not asking for a kiss ass, I'm just asking for a eye contact and/or no rude ass comments.

Okay now every ones heard "Think outside the Box" which is kinda what I do in my business.. Marketing, Promoting.. what would sell where, how and why.. where does the traffic flow, demographic frequent? likes and dislikes..

My friend Christanka is a huge bargain shopper, she is good at it. You just gotta look for things, discounts, specials, mark offs, etc..

I'm not much of a shopper but I do now 99 cent store IS MY STORE! If you've seen my blogs on the 99 cent store, I aint' fucken around, they are not my client but I am all about letting peeps know about shit.. You can get LITERALLY ALMOST A N Y T H I N G there, pillow cases, thongs, FRESH PRODUCE, Ass Jelly, Condoms and Birth Control all in 1 isle lol, I mean EVERYTHING .. and it's not cheap knock offs or deformed shit, it's real brand name shit.. even Disney takes over an isle...

I actually do alot of my grocery shopping there... where at markets I would spend probably 30.00 no lie.. FUCK THAT.

Now for Google. I am a google queen, I use it all the time, I'm always using it for everything. If I need info on something I will google that bitch till it comes up. Amazing people will aks me if I seen something or lyrics, or whatever and they can't find anything on the net, but I google it and it comes up!

remember YOU CAN ALWAYS FIND THE SAME THING FOR CHEAP. Not everything Brand name, Commercial , National Chains, etc ONLY SELL WHAT YOUR LOOKING FOR.. lots and lots of discount places are popping up especially in this economy.

Go to OPRAH.COM she has AMAZING tips and stories of couples who are pro's at bargain hunting and getting more for less.. etc..

What's been going on is...

2009-03-06T19:14:00.000-08:00

nothing and alot.

I haven't blogged in a while. I look back at some of the previous blogs and I cringe because I don't feel like that anymore, I kinda worry what if certain people judge me, but then I feel bad if I delete because 1, I'm not perfect and either is anyone else, and 2 I always say what I feel, so it would kind of be.. in a way.. disrespectful to myself for disregarding what I felt at the time. I don't think I'm explaining it right but I get what I'm saying, lol.

I think it's dope people like the way I write, however, the more people read it the more I want to write but it's a certain person or 2 I feel intimidated and refrain from being so candid, but why let it stop me. I've always sayed and done what I felt, it's not like I'm saying anything bad anyway.

So January came and went. February was a very interesting month. I haven't elaborated on a serious issue that affected me in more ways than one, shit this "Situation" has been a major part of my life -Because I let it- It is involving another person and even though I write about my "family" and private shit about me, I won't blog about my relationship or whatever with this person. It would make a great book, I will tell you that, and the few that know of this Novela .. it was never dull lol. Anyway lets just say I am finally over what I thought I would never be over. So Time does heal all, and things do come back to you, as it did that person. Anyway closure in a way was given and I learned alot about myself.

1 thing I notice is I chose situations that subconsciously mirror past situations. Majority of people do. I can totally get in great detail and example but blah ..

I observed I chose one "addiction" for another. I'm not talking about liquor (can't keep down 3 Smirnoff's), I'm not talking about weed (2 hits and I wanna throw up) and no way am I talking about any drugs, I can't even do a shot of tequila lol. So it's not the usual addictions. Food, of course it's a way I medicate. Alot of my complex, self image and other bullshit from my past that I bring into my life presently have to do with food and thats what it is right now, maybe it's for protection or in defense, could be I'm not really hungry for food at all. I find that I don't wanna open certain e-mails or do certain things, errands so I will emerge myself in something else that will *distract* me. I guess thats the right word, a distraction, this is a damn good word to define what and who I just got over.

My mind is complicated but I don't find myself to be.

It's funny because I stop and look around at things and lessons in life. I wrote a blog previously on Life Lessons, yea I'm 26 not that old but old enough to realize common sense in situations about life.

1 thing is, I discovered on my own, I run from stuff in my life because it's to difficult to me to conquer, or I'm afraid I will succeed.. oh the horror right? NOTHING worse then sabotaging yourself. I have great books that were given me to, but what do I do? I get a Library card and get 4 to 5 books on topics that are already sitting with probably more great detail and insight next to my fucken bed. wtf is that? I love to read, and a Library card is like a fucken golden ticket.

So now I get it, If people are telling me something over and over, and I always find the "If's, and's or buts" It's because I am making excuses, and in the end they are usually right.

I learned that I have always lived my life either black or white. The huge problem is my life has always been Gray. ALWAYS. My life is anything but fucken normal, I have sayed this many times, but I am a blessed motha fucka. I find that with my relationships/friendships with people, either black and white when situations come up but it's never really that cut throat

The more I get to know people, and the more people react to me with so much positivity I discover I really am a good person, I will help anyone on the street, I am compassionate, I have my flaws, trust me I do, but I am not a thief, I am not shady for shit and people trust me like genuinely trust me and that is worth more than any material shit in this world, and even if I dislike someone or hate them, I will still help them because at the end of it all I do want to be friends.

so whats my point? well I have done enough running from my bullshit, my mind is constantly going and I'm afraid of the choices I make, I don't always trust my decisions. How many others feel the same way?

man this year better be a change for me, but I'm the only one that can command at myself and demand myself with "better be" because only I can make shit change.. and prevent forest fires lol jk.........

I don't believe in luck anymore, I believe things happen for a reason, I owe that alot to Janice helping me with books and stuff. I don't know why I seem to loose steam and be it, interest in things. I guess thats what happens when I distract myself with something thinking it will make everything else go away, like a drug or treatment.

I have alot of work to do on myself, but I'm glad I have my mom as a awesome role model. As I sit here writing this, my mother is talking bout her volunteering at the Sherrifs Station, she's part of the Domestic Violence unit. She volunteers her paralegal services for free on the weekends, 2 hours away for people who can't afford help. She makes sure she buys everything organic and not animal tested. Our Toilet Paper, Tooth Brush's, House cleaners, products etc.. everything is always for the environments. I can go on and on but I'll sit here forever talking bout this earth and angel and my eyes will tear up even more because she's that amazing.

When I turned 25 I couldn't even say 25. when I turned 26, shit good luck.. still couldn't say it cause now I am an adult but I'm still spoiled. However, now I look forward to getting older, because there's a reason I'm here everyday. How many people never make it to 26? How many family members and loved ones would only wish their loved one would still be alive, fuck the age.. as long as they are here. So instead of dreading it because I haven't met my personal "goals" or where I "ought" to be.. I'm learning something all the time, and with age comes experience, knowledge and maturity, clarity and prospective.

I have the privilege and opportunity to volunteer anywhere I want everyday. I LOVE helping people, I love it. I'm looking for different organizations, from the homeless, to kids to gay/lesbian activism, animals and of course music. So I dunno.

I went out for the first time since like New Years? a couple weeks ago, had a cool time, seen people I haven't in a long time. I drank to much and threw up at the Dennys in Hollywood, at least it was a pretty blue lol. the shit crept up on me lol. I wore my boots! =) I still have a way to go to wearing my stilettos since my accident but I lasted in the boots for hours! =)

I saw Madea goes to Jail this past weekend, it was aight, funniest fucken line to me was "Nigga can't even make it drizzle, talken bout maken it rain" LMAO! when I go to the movies, I like to sit in the middle.. other wise it hurts my eyes. 11.50 for a fucken movie ticket? I'm like wtf!

so that is whats been go-inz onz mannnnnnnnn

prize fucken heffer!

2009-01-30T22:45:00.001-08:00

I have been eating so much bullshit. Emotional eating? Okay ill go with that.. But what is "bothering" me? I'm not mocking the expression but I'm not depressed, not mad or angry

So why do I keep stuffing my face????

I do feel a bit distant from my angel readings but the in-print of practicing law of attraction, positive thoughts, blessings and etc are still with me just at a lower frequency is how I can best describe and explain it

Is my inner ego doing its usual?

I feel like I need to be popped. Someone pleaseee de-flate me!!!! I feel sooo huge, I just got my period so okay I see where the feeling of bloating comes from

I am super duper happy I got my period, I know my body well enough that I can loose a good 6 pounds that stay off. Way better then loosing water weight

I don't wanna go outside in the light. Oh how I love jackets and late night stores lol

Very uncomftorable.

fast food gripes, other shit that is annoying me

2009-01-30T21:49:00.000-08:00

I'm on my cell. So excuse the typos!!!

Its Friday night but I aint singing "This is how we do it"

I'm not being bitchy, there's just some thing that annoy me. I tend to write when I'm annoyed. Blah

Yes its that time of the month but I'm not all evil and emotional as I usually get

However, some of my readers love these kind lol!

Well one is. I go to this fast food drive thru way to many times a week! It ain't Weight Watchers approved I'll tell you that much!

Anywho I order something very simple and I always ask for 2 red salsa's. This shit is soooo good I swear I can drink it! Plus its cheap as hell and oh so bueno!!!!

So sometimes 1 of the chicks isn't let's just say Employee for customer service of the month, now I have worked fast food and duh I know about customer service but I also know not everyone is having a good day. I get that. I was raised to call or leave a note of how well the service or person was blah

I'm not kidding I go there a lot, so much in fact I should be signing their paychecks as I drive up!

Now let's talk about Subway! I love subway. That's rich people food sometimes. Spending 5 bucks a day plus the added chips and drink? Everyday? I use to go there every fucken day!

Anywhoo when your getting a 6inch sub its not that wack if its not stuffed

But! If you get a footlong and its a veggie delite, its pretty wack when they put like 6 pickles on a motha fucken footlong! And they go so fucken fast!

Why do they scoop up the cup with ice? You get like an ounce of beverage! Yea I sayed beverage! Lol

Ohhhh and why do people hit me up and expect me to remember everything THEY selfish ass's got going on?

I don't got their ass on my google alerts, I'm not getten updates on twitter... I don't have their calender/schedule on mine!

Oh! And why do I have "followers" now? You know when I don't like someone at all I don't bookmark their myspace's or read their blogs, expecten to see my name in theirs. Vain ass's... I don't waste my time putten blasts out looken for attention

So if you don't like me, why do you read this? Why do you *care*? Cause ya do :)

Next......

You know what really drives me nuts, so much in fact I am offended?

Omg the way some people eat. I feel horrible but dude!!!!! I love this 1 person with every dna milistrand in my being but fucken shit I wanna strangle my self the way this person ... Not chews, in fact the lack there of.. And the sound of someone taking a "sip" of water or whatever they are drinking that gulp sound!!!!!!!!!!! Omg it drives me insane!!!!!!!!!!!

Have people lost common sense? Some things some people I know do... And don't do lol

I'm moody...... 4 more days :) lol jk!!

Oh and fuck manipulating and using bitches.....

My Grandparents-Almost non astranged?

2009-01-26T15:27:00.000-08:00

I had a pretty interesting weekend. From my previous blogs, I have written about my "Family".

If I wrote out my whole life, the twists and turns, the NOVELA it truely is.. I would suspect it would be not only a Best Seller (Take my ass to New York! lol) but would also have a place in movie theaters, I can see people buying tickets now. lol. and I'm only 26

no dramatics here.. no "whoa" is me victim shit.

So my long battles with my "family" almost every member and there is an extensive. since birth.

This weekend was the "Grandparents Chapter"

My mothers parents Divorced in the 70's each re-married and are still married to their partners.

My mothers mother married a great man .. My mothers Father.. married the Devil.

I don't really wanna scrounge up the energy to elaborate on the dynamics of these people, as interesting and indulging as the drama is... This experience this weekend was positive, and I will glorify that for literal peace sake.

The relationship with my mothers mother who we will call Z.. frankly there is none, maybe now there could be but 26 years of really hostile and for me personally some of my issues and complex's do stem from her, But I have realized that alot of the shit I went through by her and other people didn't have to do with me personally but the shit she was going through.. kinda like people take things out on you, or lash out on you for their own drama or insecurities.

Z is NOT an easy person to get along with, She is Bi-Polar, didn't have the best life her damn self, so I get alot of shit now.
blah blah blah .. basically we really can not converse longer then maybe 5 minutes without me walking out and or all hell breaking loose, she has tried over the years but like I sayed.. I'm 26.. and she's her age.. we are both set in our ways..

So I have visited her and her husband a couple times here and there I actually wrote a blog on how I prayed to God, The Universe and Angels on a recent visit and how my visit with her was totally surreal of how good it went, me and her Husband get along very well. If anything, he is probably the only male ever in my life including DNA related or Married in.. who has ever been, Human with me.. for lack of better term (and no .. that is not why I'm gay lol)

So he asked me to help him move this weekend I sayed of course! He is a very well known Accountant, extremely wealthy, excellent people skills, the whole 9 years, gorgeous Office, etc.. He is just someone I want to learn from, and I have always found his company to be very enjoyable.

So Saturday morning I get there early, we all go to breakfast (I am bypassing alot)
blah blah blah, it was a good day, no arguements, no snide remarks, no criticism, no NOTHING.

Sunday, the same.. another day of packing and moving.. everything was cool. I don't mind cleaning Z's already immaculate house but shit I'm not her maid.

Now My mothers Father I have not seen since Thanksgiving of 06. That is the day I told his wife exactly what I wish would happen to her. Now this is a whole other drama.. lawdy! Basically I was no longer welcome at restaurant which she now runs, into the ground by the way.. when customers are spitting and threatening her.. GEE I wonder if thats a clue why her 1st husband tried to have a hit on her.. I'm just sayen...
This restaurant he has owned for over 50 years, it's very famous and I literally grew up there so yea... the bitch won that battle but then again I DON'T EAT PASTRAMI.. so if anything.. that saved me some calories..

ANYWHOOOOOOOO.. He sent me a bday card in 07, I sent him a thank you card, and so forth. His health is very Ill, legs have been amputated due to Diabetes.. he has literally the best meds and doctors money can ever buy but .. like they say.. "You can't buy your health".. he is around 80? loosing his eye sight, he's a noted photographer, so I know it;s hard. My mom is Daddy's little girl and she sees him every week, every Sunday, even though his devil'esque wife tried with all her being to separate that bond..

So.. His bday was in December and I sent him a B-Day card. A very sweet B-Day card. Me and him never really conversed, just like with my mothers mother.. I am visible when I am at a certain weight.. that is when I am "worthy" of his words. He often calls me the name of his wife's granddaughter.. so yea.. He's never been mean.. that would require a feeling or effort of some action on his part.. He's just not a kid person I guess.. or I dunno.. anyway.. He told my mom that he would really like to see me, my mom was kinda iffy but I guess he has been persistent.. so I sayed of course I would like to have Dinner with him .. after all except for the past 2 years I spend alot of time with him.. at least in the same room.

So as I was tryen to relax at Z's pad till my mom came over to get me to meet up with her dad.. me and Z went to donate some stuff.. one thing Z is .. is not selfish, I think thats where my mom gets her compassion and willingness to help anyone, think of others, etc.. so we had a good time Donating..and checken out the stuff.. anyway she still can drive me FUCKEN NUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she is not always a WELL woman and I learned how to chew people up and spit them out with my words.. sure enough comes from her...so the both of us at it.. oh no lol.

She kept fucken asken me to clean this, clean that.. vacuum this.. Now I don't mind here and there but when I get up at 6am.. helped move some heavy shit for a couple hours.. I'm tired.. I ain't tryen to keep her pad which already is immaculate .. clean.. she expects me to know what she is thinking.. so the problem we have is the tone she interacts with me .. which starts the whole fight process... I'm counting the hours till my mom picks me up!

kinda surreal.. to actually spend that much time with her and her husband.. then to visit my moms dad.. these are my "Grandparents" which I have actually only been referring to them as such for the last 3 weeks? I can't give titles to people who I can't associate the actually definition of the title such as "Grand" mother/father.

So my mom gets there and were off to visit her Dad. I wasn't nervous.

He sees me and I give him a huge and he actually doesn't let go. He says that he has missed me, and I forgot what else I kinda just tuned it out.. not to be a bitch but it was weird for me I don't think I knew how to process that.

Dinner was good...He has a pretty smart ass personality, funny.. the dinner went really well, complimented me which I even know I wasn't looking my best, He didn't ask me anything about what I have been up to or doing, he didn't ask me anything about myself.. like usual and I was glad. It's usually all about him and thats fine with me.

He is in failing health and I know this has been really hard on my mom bad enough she has to deal with 2 -only science- could explain Women in her life.. Mother and Step-Monster from hell (I am SO NOT BEING DRAMATIC, I'M SO SERIOUS) , but he's still alive and kicken. It was very nice Dinner and I look forward to the next time. I don't know what the entity he's married to will say.. maybe he will re grow some balls and not give a fuck.....

I know it made my mom tear up to see her dad welcome me like that, besides myself her father is the only other important human on this earth to her.

So yea.. thats my story with my "grandparents"

It's just weird to like have that family or kind of family experience or whatever .. for lack of better description.. I'm just not used to it.. I was surrounded growing up by tones of DNA considered "family" but far from what I would think, and what I see from my friends family who treat me like family.. the way it's supposed to be..

as far as Z it's good to take baby steps with her.. to be honest my mom has been everything to me and has given me so much love that I never seek it from anyone or anything. I know we can't change our "Family" I actually see it as a blessing because as fucked up as each side is... I learned from their behaviors and from their mistakes, I will NEVER be as harsh, cruel, mean, hurtful and abuseful as them. My "Fathers" side as prime example.

I do respect Z, her husband and my moms dad however, for at least trying to be apart of my life, and I need to allow them, and if it doesn't change, well at least we all know we really tried. Either way there's a reason and lesson for everything and anything.

OH! so there was a couple things I got when we went to donate some stuff.. we hit the thrift store where stuff is being sold..

I got the cutest watch! gorgeous!

I'm not really into oriental pieces, and small bags for that matter.. but I saw this bag I fell in love with!

Blessed by weight?

2009-01-23T18:57:00.000-08:00

I was conversing with someone right now and the subject came up about appearance. Living in L.A I think it's an unconscious thought pattern how we view ourself. Hollywood, shit SO. Cal in general is the hot spot, sure there is Vegas, Miami, etc . Less is more especially with clothes and of course. weight.

I have my own issues and complex's with my weight and my appearance.

I struggle with it every single moment.. I notice around this time of course because it's January the ones who are all dedicated to the Gym, eating right, etc..

I had mentioned before how Oprah sayed "God Blessed me in this body" and it's true.. I wrote about this a couple times

God blessed you, in the shell of your body, he doesn't bless those who weigh a certain amount, there is no weight requirement.

I have that in my head where I value my own self on a number, It was taught unknowingly to me from my Grandmother who is stunning.. and totally normal thin.. but has her own issues.

I wrote a blog very recently about my "AHA" moment, how I asked the Angels to send me a little pick me up or something so I can get back into the swing of wanting to excercise as the cards they speak to me in has been telling me. Sure enough Jilian Michaels from The Biggest Looser starts talking about how it's not really the weight, it's not really the food the person is using it's why they are eating. What are you really hungry for? most are emotional eaters, I tend to eat debating on my emotions, sometimes I get addicted to a certain food type, like cookies for 2 weeks, then a certain restaurant for a week, it's weird.

I have almost pin pointed the general realization of why I always go up and down with my weight, I think it's an expression of whats going on in my life.. and other issues I won't go into so, I think once I conquer why, I will finally have a stable weight.

One thing I choose to believe is, god only gives you what you can handle, and more important, I will continue to go through this cycle until I learn the lesson, then I move on to the next.

thats my little 2 cents, for those that have these concerns as well

I have written alot bout weight in these blogs. I still swear not only by Skinny Bitch Vegan Life Style but the next best thing I SWEAR TO YOU is Weight Watchers, if you follow it, it really works and if you chose not follow don't blame the program because it's as easy as your gonna get to eating what you want and loosing weight..

anywho. thats my tid bit for today.

OH and by the way I bought Ms Michael's "30 Day Shred" OH MY GOD IT KICKED MY ASS IN THE FIRST LEVEL, IN THE FIRST 3 MINUTES I WAS SORE! so take caution! stretch!

Random stuff about today, etc..

2009-01-22T17:45:00.000-08:00

So much on my mind.. so many dope things to post..but I'm gonna post a few..

So a couple times last week I had some people ask me what happened to my photo album on Myspace with Hip Hop Shows?

I usually post all hip hop shows in a folder to check but sometimes Myspace doesn't accept some of files, so I took them off.. been off for a minute, to my surprise a couple actually rememberd.. So I thought I would start my own Blogsite for just Hip Hop shows, so I did and thanks to PSYKO who does all my flyers.. he is extremely gifted!!!

He made this for me!

I named it Streets 2 Stages, co signed by Demics! lol =)

Here's the flyer PSYKO made

I have written before on how fucken annoying it is when idiot's send me comments/messages demanding me with the following "ADD ME, SIGN MY GUEST BOOK, COMMENT MY PICS, COMMENT MY TRACKS, PUT ME ON YOUR TOP FRIENDS, TELL YOUR PEEPS ABOUT ME, BUY MY MUSIC, CALL ME GOD, DO MY LAUNDRY" blah blah fucken blah

THAT SHIT IS SOOO ANNOYING! First of all it ain't personable nor professional. How the hell you gonna hit up everyone with that shit? IF you ever make it.. who are you going to thank? you expect people WHO YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW to abide by your insulting and rude ass "Approach"..

See I personally get this shit all the time because of what I do, I get peeps want me to check out their shit.. but seriously though.. I'm the first one to tell anyone to market themself everywhere, but there is a way to do it.. and the way I described, is ghetto and fucken gay.. and not even the good gay.. 99% of the time their music/swag is WACK-A-LA.. can't be a superstar if you haven't even had the time to rise my friend...

I get alot of artists, however, who politely ask me to peep their tracks, lots of them.. very approachable, very inviting and very patient. Those are the ones who are serious because thats what makes you want to be a fan..

Ever notice how you support and follow someone MORE because they are nice to you? they show you love? they treat you like a person?
THATS MY POINT!

SOOOOO I got some stupid childish ass messages with "TELL YOUR PEEPS ABOUT ME, POST BULLETINS AND COMMENT MY TRACKS" or "EY PUT MY SHIT ON BLAST RIGHT NOW" wtf? GET-TOE.

So I told them both, to come correct or get corrected, I broke it down the right way to approach someone you want to hear your music in a friendly professional way.. well 1 cholo-orale-homey wrote back "WHATEVER U A TRICK ASS HOE BITCH, U SUCK DICK, REMEMBER MY NAME YOU WILL SEE ME BLOW UP"

LMAO! I don't even do Dick.. but right there that shows you.. his ass ain't going no where...............

I thought it was funny.

anywho......I lost my Trackball again!!!!!! my lil homey! I have found it everytime I lost it.. My angels even helped me last week when I lost it! and now I don't know where it B! I can't navigate my blackberry with out it! wack! I am blessed that I have a phone.. it's even more of a blessing when I have my trackball! lol!

Business seems to be off to a good start, got a couple new clients I will post about shortly! =)

Proof God, Angels,Universe sends me messages!

2009-01-20T14:25:00.000-08:00

I have to correct the spelling, I wrote this from my cell

I meant to write this topic the other day but ahhh I get distracted its like I have to "set the mood" but then I get interested in the mood I set

Props to Demics for sending me a article written by a writer. Helpful tips. So I find its easier for me to blog on my phone at the moment

Okay so I've had my ups and downs like usual. I wrote a blog that was real dark. I took it off but saved it.

Like last Sunday I believe, I went from welcoming death to choosing life. Kinda cliche "I choose life" lol I choose to live. Reminds me of the Kings of Queen episode anywhoooo

As I was sitting on my couch I was thinking about the book I have been currently reading "Messages From Your Angels"-By Doreen Virtue. Its an awesomeeee book!!!!!! I have her Angel Oracle Cards
In it it explains how God is within us, this book is not about religion at all. Just explains about the Angels, Deceased loved ones, God and the Universe including our spirit guide. Ill write a review on this book shortly my long ass point... I am here for a reason and when I think God is within me, I can do anything. The fact my ass is still on earth means I'm here for a purpose and I am slowly recognizing and embracing my gifts.
I'm just gonna get to the point. Ok so Wednesday morning I wake up in the morning! (I was going to sleep at 6,7 or 8am n waking up around 5pm, Depression was back)

Sooo I wake up I thank God, The Universe and The Angels for blessing me, I thank them for everything I mean every slight thing! I also say I'm going to have a Joyous day over and over. I got my phone turned on! Blessing! I check my email and its my mom's mom.. We have always had a very dysfunctional "relationship" very very rocky a lot of resentment and anger so she asks me to come over and help her clean. I say sure.

I say to myself how lucky am I I have a grandmother who is still alive

For the fact I called her Grandmother was a hugeeee step

I kept thanking the Universe and God for blessing me to spend time with her, that she is alive and I can help her

So I get there and instead of the critical fight starting words she calls me cutey pie... When I know I'm looking like crap-ola! Big smile and hug. Hmmm ok...

So I get straight to work start vacuuming her already immaculate house. All the while I go over every single person, thing I am thankful for

Before I left my house I put a little drop of Prosperity Oil my friend Janice gave me! I put it on my cell and rubbed it on my car.

So I start cleaning, and she starts praising everything I do I'm like wow this is totally due to the positive affirmations and thinking

I thought to myself as I was cleaning her glass table with pictures.. How I would arrange then and If I asked would she let me? Yea right...

So later on she says if I want I can arrange the pictures if I was a decorator anyway I want

What!!!!!!!! I laugh to myself total law of attraction!

So I do... She comes out with this adorable ass Guess Purse for me. I love it minus the little leather embroideries. Then she gives me some bracelets... I love jewelry!

1 big issue is my phone. She has always had a issue about my phone, mostly because I am forever on it. 1 thing I don't like anyone tellen me when to get off my fucken phone. We have gotten into arguments over it.
She tells me to help her shred some papers and she wonders if I can do both...

I say: Do what?
She says: Be on your phone and shred at the same time

I'm like huh?? Just to keep things calm I wasn't on my phone I cleaned the whole time. I checked my phone here and there but was never on It longer then to send a text

I was like wow she was being totallllly considerate!!!!

So I get ready to leave and she gives me money, I don't want it, I tell her I came to help not expect to get payed. She says "this is spending money" I'm like okay cool! Thanks Prosperity oil!

So as I'm leaving I get a text about someone wanting some promo from me!

I forgot what else that day but yea.. Trippy!

So today is Saturday and I'm almost done with reading the book. I had bookmarked from where I left off yesterday I opened it today and I just happened to re-read where I left off. I wasn't going to initially but it was on the top of the page...and it read: "Seeing Signs; Finding a feather, a coin, a stopped clock, moved objects in your home, lights flickering , or other visual oddities let you know that an angel is saying "Hello, I'm here" to you. As I read "Feathers" I thought feathers? I knew I wouldn't have any in the house we are very anti-fur and or animal skin. Only thing that would have feathers would be from my pillow I bought years ago....

So as I read that I looked saw like what looked like a little thing of white lint sticking out of the prior pages that are clumped together (I am towards the end of the book)
And sure enough it was a Feather!!!!!!!!!
I will attach the picture!

How trippy is that right?

Little things here and there I become more intuitive and really believe because it happens to me. If I think of something as in like I guess manifesting it. It comes. Ill try this as in thinking of people to see if they hit me up, people I haven't heard from in a really long time and I do so far. It will continue. Key is to be positive because our thoughts become our environment

I have so much to learn. I write in my journal every night so I keep count of everything that goes on

Ill be reading "You Can Heal Your Life" by. Louise L. Hay. A remarkable book. I have read bits and pieces so far and I look forward to reading all of it

I really do like the Angel Readings I do on people. It helps them immensely, as myself when I do mine.

Anyway I think I'm gonna persue Energy Healing, and all that is connected.

I thank Janice for helping me and guiding me in a sense. There is a reason why we met! As I'm sure there is a reason you are reading this and probably thinking of getting the books I described above

What's really cool is I have people who ask me what books they should get.

I know there is many more awesome books, these 2 are just the ones I'm reading right now and I will be reading more along the way. I'm going to ask Janice and do some research of what books help people immensely.

So that's my story :)

Oh and I am proud of myself for my positive thinking

Oprah who also belives in Spiritual ways was talking about her weight gain, etc she sayed something very profound that I got

She sayed "God blessed me in my body" its true I visioned all of her success in her "shell" which is what I think she was referring to. For all of us who do have body issues. There is great affirmations and techniques to really be thankful. I know at first its a foreign concept to be thankfull for something you have, like myself, seen as the enemy, the problem, an embarrasment, flaw and enemy. Then again a body is a tool its a reflection *at times* of how we are feeling on the inside

Of course the inner beauty is different from outer for some

Its funny I see or hear people like on t.v speak about their vision boards or enery healing, law of attraction, etc and how god is in them

Before I would have rolled my eyes like oh god..

BUT I don't because I totallllly get it!

I've never been a religious person. I didn't really grasp God as something as I have discovered him now

When I say god is in me, he is and god is also within you, I truly understand god is everywhere so we all are as 1 and we are everything as everything is us

I'm sure some are reading what I just wrote as "Oh god (no pun intended) she's preaching, or she's kookoo, cult, etc

I know that's what I would think! Whenever I hear the word God immieaditly reminds me of the born again christians the ones who are hypocritcal *not all but some*

See God is not to be feared, like in some religons *I* sometimes see that in

So its a great confidence and strong willfull power feeling I get knowing God is within me

Doesn't mean I'm holly, does not mean I am perfect and will judge anyone or doesn't mean I see everything as a Sin.

Of course not! Just means I'm embracing what I believe and has nothing to do with worrying about the faults of others, if anything I am even more compassionate and here for anyone who needs some positive advice or anything

I have a lot to learn and I'm loving it so far :)

This is the feather that was in was in the book!!!!

oh and just for shits and giggles.. I'm not a name brand whore.. I don't buy anything with leather.. can't see myself paying 230.00 and up for a purse, unless it's given to me! LOL =)~

This is the Guess purse she gave me.. My grandmother's friends use to own Guess Jeans back in the day.. I think this is from Asia...It has leather though so I may give it away or sell it. IT IS CUTE THOUGH!

my prayer answered! pinpoint why ur addicted 2 anything!!!!

2009-01-18T10:22:00.000-08:00

If you ever watch Oprah she practically coined the term "Aha moment" The moment where you have a moment of clarity, where something clicks.. That for some people life changing moment where you just get it... Shit is clear and changes your prospective.

So what's my aha moment? Well last night I prayed and asked my Angels, God and The Universe to help me with getting back on track with my exercise and eating right. In alot of my Angel Readings I have been getting Angel Raye (TK) so I prayed and asked for help a something to motivate me.

I wake up on the next day, Sunday Morning My mom bumpen "Handle on The Law" funny foo.. then the "Jesus Christ show" My mom is so not religious! lol then... Jilian Michaels from NBC's The Biggest Loser". I have 1 of her workout DVD'S OMG I ain't ready for that! lol

One of the Topics she touched on was of course weight but more importantly, how contestants can loose all the weight but most likely will gain it back.. Usually People gain it back because of stress, addiction, problems, etc..

This is the point she sayed to think about the times you have gained weight.. and what was going on around that time? I was like Oh Snapples! It's true.. sounds so fucken easy right? Duh.. but I got it. I track everything I have an EXCELLENT memory seriously, since I was 5 years old.. It's a gift and really above average.. anywho I have always had a weight problem.. It's a complex, I have spoken about this many times especially in my blogs.

In the previous blog I spoke about Oprah saying how she is Blessed in her body, I see it as thats the body she has been blessed in as everything she has accomplished, given, etc..

I been through diets, I been through all that shit.. Weight Watchers, however works wonders. When I went Vegan.. man I was healthy, I loved it.

Food has always been a comfort for me.. "What nourishes me Destroys me".

See, I know how to eat and how to workout healthy. I can loose weight so fast, and trust gain it in weeks..

In order to keep a healthy lifestyle you gotta find the emotional reasons.. what brings you to your goal?

I can go on this topic forever, if anyone needs any help or advice get at me.. I'm not a doctor nor professional but I know my shit.

So.. after I heard her show I was like thanks Angels, God & The Universe! (Peep my blog before this one about the message my Angels sent THE PROOF IS THE FEATURE PICTURED! =)

Now instead of using the money I have to go get some Albertos which I did the other day and man did it mess me up lol! I went and got some blueberry's, spinach, etc.. BUT I saw candy.. huge addiction.. and well I haven't been craving but I was at an appt. and I had an idea the office was gonna have some bomb chocolate.. sure enough I found myself grubben on it! So as I'm getting my healthy shit I got a whole bag of "Reese's Whips" after a couple.. I'm thinking why the hell did I eat this? lol.

I have this thing where I can't let food go to waste... or see a grip of candy and not eat it? yea right! lol

I got up this morning went for a walk/Jog.. doin good.. and yet look!

Regardless if I get the message.. it's up to me to carry out.

I Thank god I have this body, sure I would love to have other Female's body.. but you know what this is mine.. and I'm pretty blessed... the basics.. I have all my limbs and more importantly my spirit, soul and of course God is in me, as he is in all of us and everything..

I'm getting there, gonna go workout again right now =)

See-I've had this much already today! lol Damn 99 cents store.. Hi my name is Alexis, and I'm an addict! lol.

Oh and feel free to check out some of my favorite workout DVD'S!
http://lbeatzfavs.blogspot.com/2008/09/my-favorite-work-out-dvds-salsa-belly.html

Random shit on my mind right now

2009-01-07T18:50:00.000-08:00

So my mom hasn't sayed shit about the Porno.. blah I'm over it.. shit.. there's way worse shit in the house L.O.L

anywho!

not gonna write a long whoa is me blog like Friday even though blah I'm wasting time in my life...

"Sweet Dream or a Beautiful Nightmare" is the chorus from Beyonce's new CD. Yes.. I sayed Beyonce! She is bad fucken ass.. what a talent.. she's gorgeous.. awesome dancer, talented actress.. I love her.. only thing I refuse to buy of her products.. She has Fur in her clothing line. Anywho Bday CD I am loving.. I'm a bit late since it came out in 07.. But I really like some of the songs..very catchy..

Some people associate me with Hip Hop.. cool thanks =) But my dears.. My definition of Hip Hop is very slim and doesn't include anyone on the radio.. well 99% of the shit on the radio.. Beyonce isn't Hip Hop.. Her husband..could be mostly classified as Hip Hop.. not counting however.. the 15 minute mashup of all the the shit he's jacked lol comedy. but I like Jay-Z's early shit.. anywho...

Some of the Beyonce songs are stuck in my head and I have been listening over and over..

such as OH and the videos? youtube them HOT!
B-Day-Upgrade you-I LOVE THIS SONG!
B-Day-Suga Mama-Love the beat
B-Day-Dreams-(on her new cd, I really love the melody)
B-Day-Kitty Kat-Damn she hot in this video!
B-Day-Freakum Dress

I also like Britney Spear's Circus C.D.. I have always liked Britney Spears, except for her 2 first albums, I love "Gimme Gimme" whatever.. that song is fucken hot!

anywho...... I have been going to sleep around 4-5am.. waken up at 2-3:30pm.. yea sure something is wrong.. haven't taken the meds.. period.. feelen the blah blah blah bullshit. I'm bored. I need a change.. The CHANGE of the infamous 2009 I have lagged on.. started so high on my spiritual shit and well.. slowly and slowly holding on to it.. Money is a major unspoken issue.. to lazy to close it.

Haven't expelled in a long time..

what is nourishing me is destroying me( 3 for a dollar ain't bad!).. maybe literally? who knows prolly....whatever so dramatic lol gay.

thank god the period passed, way less moody and intense!

I'm bored.. blah blah blah.. million things going through my head.. seems clear but anything but.. like a wheel spinning.. each half of the "pie" YUM PIE is divided with little thoughts, worries, fantasies (sorry nothing sexual... hmmm.. kinda lol) illusions, dreams, pleasantries.. blah blah and blah.

I know asking questions about certain things.. with the little knowledge.. I have the answers..

but in happier news.. I was literally just browsing the bulletins and this dude who I see his updates on myspace about his Twitter.. (btw do you twitter?.. I barely knew her!) jk..

PeterCoffin
anywho his video completely cracked me up LMAO!

After watching this.. Sam (lol @ me callen her Sam like I know her!) reminds me of someone.. and I can see the attraction.. Her brother is funny as fuck! I love peeps like that!
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=25423528

Omg my mom found my porno but what's worse...

2009-01-04T19:21:00.000-08:00


	is she didn't say anything..well at least not yet OMG I AM HORRIFIED LMAO!!!!!!!!! Since I came out that I am a lesbian my mom is mad accepting but it's the whole sexual thing she's not comfortable with..who really wants to think of their child getten their freak on? and with the same gender? lol! so yesterday we were moving the T.V and there was 3 DVD'S under it but all upside down.. so I'm PRAYING as she's flippen each over that it's NOT one of my porno's that I watch when she's not home! LOL. so she's been after me to clean out the computer drawers.. One time I stashed a couple Pornos in the Computer Desk cabinet I think cause she was opening the door. I forgot to take them out. she hasn't been home all day.. she walks in and gives me this look like disgust.. I ask her about that.. she says "it's cold outside" so right now I go in my room and theres a box she told me earlier where all the stuff from the drawer is.. I was like okay cool. I LOOK IN IT RIGHT NOW CAUSE I SEE SOME DVDS.. AND SURE ENOUGH.. "MUFF VILLE" OMG I FEEL SOOOOOOOO GROSS LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT THAT I WATCH PORN .............BUT THAT GROSS MY MOM KNOWS LMAO AND THE TYPE IT IS LMAO! BUT then again.. I remember being 13 and finding one of her videos and showing it to all my friends lol =) I am 26... I can do whatever I want.. granted it's her house.. but still how embarrasing.. I keep giggling in embarrassment. I can't stop laughing.. this to shall pass right? LOL! I'm sure she will say something but whatever.. still gross feeling in my stomach lol. I been a damn good girl my life compared to most.. This is probably the most risk'ay thing anyway! lol! Could have been WAY worse! lol

is she didn't say anything..well at least not yet

OMG I AM HORRIFIED LMAO!!!!!!!!!

Since I came out that I am a lesbian my mom is mad accepting but it's the whole sexual thing she's not comfortable with..who really wants to think of their child getten their freak on? and with the same gender? lol!

so yesterday we were moving the T.V and there was 3 DVD'S under it but all upside down.. so I'm PRAYING as she's flippen each over that it's NOT one of my porno's that I watch when she's not home! LOL.

so she's been after me to clean out the computer drawers.. One time I stashed a couple Pornos in the Computer Desk cabinet I think cause she was opening the door. I forgot to take them out.

she hasn't been home all day.. she walks in and gives me this look like disgust.. I ask her about that.. she says "it's cold outside"

so right now I go in my room and theres a box she told me earlier where all the stuff from the drawer is.. I was like okay cool.

I LOOK IN IT RIGHT NOW CAUSE I SEE SOME DVDS.. AND SURE ENOUGH..

"MUFF VILLE"

OMG I FEEL SOOOOOOOO GROSS LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOT THAT I WATCH PORN .............BUT THAT GROSS MY MOM KNOWS LMAO AND THE TYPE IT IS LMAO!

BUT then again.. I remember being 13 and finding one of her videos and showing it to all my friends lol =)

I am 26... I can do whatever I want.. granted it's her house.. but still how embarrasing.. I keep giggling in embarrassment. I can't stop laughing..

this to shall pass right? LOL!

I'm sure she will say something but whatever.. still gross feeling in my stomach lol.

I been a damn good girl my life compared to most.. This is probably the most risk'ay thing anyway! lol! Could have been WAY worse! lol

What to say 2 me as a little girl?

2009-01-03T01:58:00.001-08:00

It's pretty late. Around 2am. I couldn't sleep, I'm hella moody, very very very moody, I'm a pretty straight out person but around this time I'm also emotional.

I kept lying down thinking of certain aspects of my life, not all but some. Different factors for my mood, not just mother nature interfering right now lol, I'm pretty sure the factors aren't helping lol....

A couple months ago I went for testing to diagnose my "dis-order" get it?... It was 2 full days of intense testing to see what in fact I had.. I've been on 2 different meds for almost 2 years, Therapy off on and on.. My mom had to come in and do an interview, give her accounts of the early years of my life and just what kind of life I had. I had many hours of a variety of tests, everything from tests with blocks for my motor skills as well as my memory and speech, etc.. I had to fill out countless questions, basically it was drilling. Now after spilling my entire life to the Lady who is one of the best, and the SHIT! (I wrote a blog about this experience-look in October blogs)

The day of the results she sayed she had a couple of last questions, and I remember her warning me they may be a little bit intrusive and direct. I figured, shit.. She knows everything about me.. I highly doubt anything will be of the such.

Then she asked the most simplest question that caught me off guard it scared the shit out of my reaction freaked me out. She asked me to tell her what my life was like when I was a little girl growing up. That was a direct question and it seemed like all the hours I spent with her like disappeared in a way because even though we covered everything from my birth to present day... all the sadness and emotions just came out and I was literally overwhelmed that I broke down. I never cried with her once and after all that time together she was handing me a kleenex.

I remember I think on Myspace when it asks "Who you would like to meet" I always thought I would like to meet myself when I was a little girl. I think now if I had the chance what would I say? Would I tell her everything will be okay? is it? Would I warn her of all the shit? would I warn her of the people? the "relationships" the bad and naive choices? or more importantly... Would I ask her what happened to me that I blocked out the very shit I don't want to remember or admit? Did I make excuses or invent up things to over pass other situations and memorys; or why I have a picture perfect memory from at least the age of 5?? is there a reason why I knew of such adult things as a really little girl? and if I did tell her of the things that will come ahead, and would I still have the same outcome? would I sitll be the person I am today? Flawed but hopefully in the early stages of changing my life to a more positive and life full filing?

I didn't and still don't have the hardest life,by all means I got it pretty good.. for how long? I think I can only call that, was my life easy? of course not who's is?.. millions of people have had it worse beyond my imagination.. is my life easier compared to most? of course, but at the same time alot of people don't know shit about me or my situation, maybe 1 or 2 of my friends? then again I think just 1.

I'm an "adult" now but just thinking of me as a little girl.. I don't know if I would hug her or take her away. I start to question things and people, why things happened but who really knows, was I just stuck surrounded by "family" from both sides who were just fucked in the head? violence all the time, negativity everywhere..why would I be placed around mental fucken heads.. then again the positive... I would tell her that we turned out ok, I'm not a whore, I don't do drugs, not really a drinker, I finally stand up for myself, took me a while but I do now. I voice my opinion, I'm compassionate and bright I guess. I have a big heart and I will never be like anyone that was aroudn us. My mom is still the only positive out of everyone. I guess thats why I fought her so much to now fighting for her.

I can't keep blaming everyone for what they did to me. I'm old enough to acknowledge it and try to move forward. It's 2009 and I want to make this year the life changing one. It's hard to crash through all the blocks, and let go finger by finger from the fists I have held on to the anger and hurt to protect myself all these years, when things are declared and acknowledged of the fuck ups people did even when I am told by professionals I was not to blame, I didn't do anything wrong, just the "Raw deal in life" as my mom calls it, I've had. I have an inner struggle I deal with every moment. Meds only do so much, trust me they help but then I begin to second guess everything, I'm always torn. I don't really know how to trust my judgment because sometimes I'm wrong when I think I am so right, and thats a scary thing, it's not easily predictable it's scary.

I have alot of growing up to do, I don't mean mentally.. It's weird it's

What if I never help myself and continue to be nothing. What if I syke myself up and trick myself into thinking I can be something that I tell myself is in the cards, that I will be something, that I will live up to this "potential" certain few see around me? or Is all the professionals wrong? do they just tell me this because I shock them that even though I'm in their office and they are getting payed by the hour or once a month visit.. that I might not be what their text books describe? so they praise me so highly because like a Rat in an laboratory did something out of the normal testing standard behaviors, and out of their expectations that they mark that one unique and special?
or maybe because I'm used to tearing myself down when anyone sees something good before someone around me has the chance to...thats how I was raised.. with the exception of my mother. I don't look for attention, I don't say things for people to tell the contrary.. I'm not comfortable with positive bullshit cause to me they are lying and if they are genuine.. I still block it out. I'm very confident in areas in what I do and things about me.

I'm not mental, I'm not psycho, I am not Bi-Polar.. Depressed? yes.. I struggle with do I really want to change? Can I? I stop myself, change from what exactly? just my point of view, I hold myself back from simple shit.. I have made my life a certain way that is safe but confining and if anything out of the norm happens I look to death but if something "to good" happens I condemn it, thats not the alarming thing.. the alarming thing is the very person that nourishes me.. destroys me. I created that or was it because of the way my life was since I was little. I know I kill her everyday, I drain her and even though her life was far more fucked up then mine the very thing she gives me I take and I take.. like I've sayed before.. describing it as she's hanging on a ledge her 2 hands gripping the cement.. 1 hand is already slipped off.. seems like it's just fingers now..1 by 1 loosing their grip ... will she let go of me? can she? we both know that when the last finger goes.. I go off with her, because without her I can't be here, and her only problem was having me.

for anyone reading this.. it's not clear of what I'm talking about..don't worry.. your not really meant to get it.

. . Is my inner ego such a permanent resident in my head and soul that I'm lost inside it with the little girl? am I fooling myself that I can actually dig myself out of my world to a better one? Is the fear of becoming worth someone so profound that I will run the opposite way? can it be that simple? can I be happy? how can I not be afraid when for 26 years it's always been anything but.

I cry hard for the little girl, Such deep sadness that I now feel numb. Funny thing is I've never been a hard person or short of words, I come off strong and "Tough" not in a threatening machisma way but I know why I have that don't fuck with me aura... and I remember the very day when I finally went from a child who always took the bad shit to finally the day I stood up for myself and I haven't stopped... verbally but not always psychically and or mentally.

I now know how to push away and block feelings.. that I'm finally aware of. may be bad timing but I don't know if I want to let that power go right now because for so long and even recently I needed that and I didn't have that when I have been hurt.

It's so easy and safe, so comfortable to be stuck in a funk, negativity, isolation, depressed. I take issue with some people who assume Depression is just a mood or it's another term for lazy. Well the word Depression is often used very loosely. I know depression, I've known it my whole life.. Meds, well I know what they are used for and they are not happy Pills as I previously wrote a blog about that. Not everything works for everyone. at the end of the day You have to do your part and if you don't.. you need to acknowledge and take responsibility.

I'm a bit moody, very very very moody, emotional obviously. by Monday I should be good, a lil scared and naturally so of taking the steps to move forward with my life.. can I really do it? and if I fail? well then I will be back in the funk waiting for my days to come to an end.

Lately in my blogs I have been speaking about my beginnings in Energy Healing, Angel Cards, Manifestation, positive stuff which is always good to have. I see the outcomes for people and I am really observing those who are successful and those who have special components about them.. I pick up on the details that aide them in that and if I stop being so fucken stubborn and freaked out I could be the same.

Sometimes I feel like my world is small.. even though I am exposed to alot.. I notice if someone introduces me to something it's like a whole new fucken thing and I think to myself.. wow.. I would have never done this or bought this or knew about this before.. and I look a little at the old stuff I have now replaced the new things with like hmmm.. different. I would love to go to a place for deep counseling or spiritual guidance for a week, month, etc.. new place. I think where I'm at is not always the most healthy and maybe the best for my growth. I feel stuck and how can I change my life and environment if I'm always coming back or in place of the very thing I am trying to shed from? but then the guilt and inner child comes in me of leaving something, the abandonment.. I'm not a clingy person.. actually the opposite.. nothing and no one is ever permanent in my life, as loyal as I am 100% I don't see anything lasting, nothing in relationships, business, "Friendships"etc because as a child I learned no one sticks around even if you try to be a perfect lil girl. I don't know and have not experienced shit most kids have. If I were to name some I'm pretty sure people who know me or whatever would look at me like wtf ? you never been told this? you never experienced this? simple things in life.. words.. actions.. I never had, and now if it were to occur.. I would push all that shit away because it is foreign to me.

Nothing is ever as it seems... I sometimes think I should write a book on my life but it's way to complicated, and even though I am blessed/cursed with an almost accurate memory since I was 5 years old.. It's to much for a book.. a movie? maybe? My friend and I joke that my life is like a novela.. god knows my last relationship was.................................

Lately however, things have been pretty calm.. regardless of my bullshit.. I am a very lucky person.. until something bad happens to some things I claim I am lucky in and then well.. who knows. I don't know if that little girl, me will ever be at peace for fear that if things are calm and okay it's literally the quiet before the storm.. see sometimes if things are chaotic and I'm controlling it.. then I know if it's bad.. It's okay because when things are bad I'm used to it. But when things are good, I'm always fearful the absolute worst will come and destroy me. not just with a little hit but the major one.

I'm pretty sure when I wake up or in a couple days when I've chilled out I will look back at this blog like I have others countless times and think.. damn girl .. a little negative weren't ya? lol.

This is just parts of me and believe me I am very aware of how I come off.. but this is how I am feeling and expressing myself right now..

Regardless, if I were to meet me as a little girl.. good or bad.. she still has me.

Why so many animal blogs? TESTING 1,2,3

2008-12-29T18:35:00.001-08:00

Disclaimer
The contents of this website are for information purposes only. They should not be used to commit any criminal acts or harassment. Names and/or facts published in the Animal Voice blog have the sole purpose of informing members of the public about the current situation related to animal conditions - in order to allow people to voice their concerns and carry out protests in a legal manner. Once again: Nothing contained on this website is intended to encourage or incite illegal acts.

AHHHH I just had to let all this shit out. I am practicing spiritual elevations, positive energy, universal guidance and the study of energy healing.. Your thoughts become your environment..

So below I state my opinions very fucken clear.. I don't hold back. I don't mean to offend.. If you eat meat.. no your not going to hell or think I hate you cause I don't lol. I'm not closed minded.

I'm just stating the facts, and exposing shit I think people need to be aware, it's THEIR choice what they choose to take away from it.

I think alot of Animal Issues have a really bad stereo-type.. of course negative is easier to digest and manifest then positive. I also understand some may shun away from the graphic videos and pictures, it's easy to turn away and ignore it. I don't fault anyone for that, it's not something you want to think about.. but it's real, it exists and for those that want to be part of the solution or the problem, well it's up to them.

Global Warming is a huge issue but we as Humans are not helping...

I cry more and more every time I see the picture.

IMAGINE YOU ARE SCARED SHITLESS? EVER BEEN TERRIFIED???????????? EVER SEEN TERROR IN YOUR CHILDS EYES? NOW THINK ABOUT EVERY FUCKEN ANIMAL THAT HAS NO VOICE .. CAN'T SCREAM AND GOES THROUGH THIS SOBER.. AND FULLY AWAKE..

NOW ASK YOURSELF.. WHAT WOULD YOU DO? HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU FEEL?

INDESCRIBABLE RIGHT?

I pray everyday they feel no pain ever.

I had a rabbit that died a year ago named Diva R.I.P. This is exactly what she looked like.

Well cuz I can.

I have been wanting to for a quite a while. I always see my mom writing letters to magazines when they use Pony Fur.. or Fur of any kind in their magazine. I have been with her at many protests having our voice heard for the voiceless. My mom obviously is a huge influence to me in so many ways.

She "walks the walk, talks the talk" She never buys ANY products that have any animal products or have been tested on. Everything from Fake Leather to Tooth paste, her make-up and Food.

The shelters she volunteers at, I have distanced myself because I get so angry and full of hate at the ignorance and lack of attention these horrible acts against animals, and the carelessness that just isn't important to society as it SHOULD BE.

I get overwhelmed because I want to pick the right words, the few words that will say everything.

I'm not trying to preach, I'm voicing my opinion and what I think is right. I have sayed many times I don't judge people .. I try not to.. but if anyone I know disrespects, hurts, abuses, tortures any animal.. I have no respect for them PERIOD. I just don't. EVER.

I know some people just don't have that bond, I get it. Or where they grew up or their enviornment animals are seen as trade, grown for food, sport, or whatever the case may be.

My issue is how do you not have compassion? do people think animals have no feeling? or don't feel the same? same shit with Sea Life. It's like if something is moving we have to kill it?

In some of the blogs below I posted are just a TINY percentage of the mind blowing and horrific horrible unthinkable shit that goes on in this world.

I just want to stress to everybody that animals DO FEEL they aren't fucking with no feelings and emotions.. IMAGINE the very stress you would go through not being able to yell for help, Suffering.. Left to fucken die.. like.. how would you ever do that to an animal.. it's a living fucking thing, it has a heart, obviously moves so you think it doesn't feel? THEY ARE HELPLESS AND DEFENSELESS..

I truely think anyone who hurts any animal in ANY way shape or form is disturbed and a coward..

Many study's have shown that some traits of serial killers and abusers start with the way they were with animals.. IM NOT saying since fucken birth or toddlers .. cuz they don't know better.. I'm saying as they grow up.. There is so much people have no idea.. in what they eat, what they buy.. including Animal Testing ONE of the MANY horrific fucken ways these poor animals are subjected to..

case and point........

I get that animal testing has helped us evolve.. for well needed life saving treatments and cures. However.. when your TORTURING AND I CAN NOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH TORTURING ANIMALS for a fucken laundry softener? for your precious Fe breeze? your shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste? for a fucking lip stick?

"ANIMAL TESTED" isn't on alot of products, THE ONES THAT SAY "NOT ANIMAL TESTED" or "NO ANIMAL INGREDIENTS" is what you want to buy.. why? well take a look....

ANIMAL TESTING BY THE WAY.. DOES NOT MEAN IN ANY SHAPE WAY OR FORM THAT THEY SIMPLY RUBBED, SPRAYED OR PAMPERED THE ANIMAL LOL. THEY DON'T SPRAY THE END PRODUCT TO SEE IF THEIR FUR SMELLS GOOD AND SOFT? IDIOTS!

PEEP HOW YOU CAN HELP!
CLICK HERE FOR ALL INFO

An Overview of Animal Experimentation, Narrated by Actor James Cromwell
Other Viewing Options
"Ask the experimenters why they experiment on animals, and the answer is: 'Because the animals are like us.' Ask the experimenters why it is morally OK to experiment on animals, and the answer is: 'Because the animals are not like us.' Animal experimentation rests on a logical contradiction."
-Professor Charles R. Magel

As many as 115 million animals are experimented on and killed in laboratories in the U.S. every year. Much of the experimentation-including pumping chemicals into rats' stomachs, hacking muscle tissue from dogs' thighs, and putting baby monkeys in isolation chambers far from their mothers-is paid for by you, the American taxpayer and consumer, yet you can't visit a laboratory and see how the government has spent your money. You can't even get an accurate count on the number of animals killed every year because experimenters and the government have decided that mice and rats and certain other animals don't even have to be counted.

Animal experimentation is a multibillion-dollar industry fueled by massive public funding and involving a complex web of corporate, government, and university laboratories, cage and food manufacturers, and animal breeders, dealers, and transporters. The industry and its people profit because animals, who cannot defend themselves against abuse, are legally imprisoned and exploited.

Fortunately for animals in laboratories, there are people who care. Some of them work in labs, and when they witness abuse, they call PETA. Thanks to these courageous whistleblowers, PETA's undercover investigators and caseworkers, who sift through reams of scientific and government documents, have exposed what goes on behind laboratory doors.

Crulest show on Earth-Beaten into submission....

2008-12-29T17:45:00.000-08:00

IMAGINE YOU ARE SCARED SHITLESS? EVER BEEN TERRIFIED???????????? EVER SEEN TERROR IN YOUR CHILDS EYES? NOW THINK ABOUT EVERY FUCKEN ANIMAL THAT HAS NO VOICE .. CAN'T SCREAM AND GOES THROUGH THIS SOBER.. AND FULLY AWAKE..

DIES IN UTTER AGONY..........

IS POPCORN WORTH THAT? I THINK NOT.

NOW ASK YOURSELF.. WHAT WOULD YOU DO? HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU FEEL?

INDESCRIBABLE RIGHT?

AND WHEN THE HELL DO YOU SEE TIGERS GO THROUGH FLAMES IN THE WILD?

"DON'T TOUCH THEM.. HURT THEM"

THATS WHAT YOUR BRINGING YOUR KIDS TO???????????????????????????????????????????

THESE ASSHOLES! These are beautiful animals.. WHERE'S THE COMPASSION IN THE FUCKING WORLD? HOW DO YOU BEAT THESE ANIMALS INTO FUCKEN SUBMISSION AND NOT CARE?

ONE THING PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW IS MOST ABUSERS AND SERIAL KILLERS USUALLY PRAY ON ANIMALS FROM A YOUNG AGE...............

The horrific things I want to do to these people. Beating animals into submission? taking them out of their habitat? Are you serious? where did these people loose their soul?

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages, step right up and see the cruelest show on earth. Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey proudly present timid tigers, exploited elephants and abused exotic animals tamed, tortured and terrified for your amusement.

Unfortunately, many circus-goers will likely never hear about the cruelty toward animals that regularly occurs behind the scenes at the Ringling Bros. Circus.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA), the Humane Society and others oppose Ringling Bros.' cruel mistreatment of animals. Every Aggie should join in by boycotting the circus while they are on campus.

"We do have a campaign against circuses that use animals in general, but specifically Ringling Bros. because they are one of the worst abusers of animals in the entertainment industry," Rice said. "Ringling Bros. has been responsible for the deaths of 24 elephants in their care, only one of which can be attributed to old age."

Rice went on to explain that there are currently several federal investigations into the circus for cruelty or negligence.

"Ringling Bros. is under investigation for the 2004 death of a two-year-old lion named Clyde, who died of heat exhaustion in an overheated boxcar while traveling across the Mohave Desert," he said.

Another investigation concerns the use of the bullhook, a long metal bat with a hook at the end, in elephant training. The instrument is used to coerce and intimidate elephants into doing the tricks.

"Because the performances are based on what the animals do during play and socialization, training is simply a matter of encouraging the elephants to do what comes naturally on cue to music," according to the Ringling Bros.' Web site. "We accomplish that by reinforcing their natural behaviors through repetition and reward."

Nothing could be further from the truth. Elephants do not take each other by the tail and parade around, and there are certainly no elephants in the wild wearing party hats and standing on giant stools. Nothing is more unnatural than the tricks elephants perform in the circus. Positive reinforcement would never be able to achieve this type of behavior. The only way to get this behavior from a wild animal is with intimidation and physical punishment.

"Ringling Bros. is under investigation for the 2004 videotaped beating of an 8-year-old elephant named Angelica," Rice said.

The video shows the elephant chained by all four legs and being beaten and jabbed as it screams in pain. It is one of many videos on PETA's Web site depicting such violence.

Bringing wild animals around the country in boxcars and forcing them to do tricks for our amusement is a sad relic of a time long passed. Many modern and successful circuses, like Cirque de Soleil, rely on the talents of human performers rather than the exploitation of animals. Ringling Bros. needs to do the same. Aggies can help send that message and put an end to this horrible abuse by boycotting the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus.

Now this is awesome and beautiful.. an alternative to Circus's

Cirque du Soleil

Skinny Bitch changed my life-THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUR FOOD

2008-12-29T17:44:00.000-08:00

I feel like a hypocrite. I faltered from my beliefs and need to be the example to the ones I have influenced and to the new ones who will be influenced, due to the fact around 13 people who have read some of my previous blogs about me going Vegan and how I credit this book, have actually went out and bought it.

I am going to choose my words wisely because some words will detour or will be taken in the wrong context or stereo-typical association/definition with it. Like words as "Vegan" "PETA" "Vegetarian", etc....

Being Vegan/Vegetarian doesn't meat you eat Rabbit foot, you don't fucken starve.. and if you know people who are unhealthy and or sick.. THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING................

Vegan/Vegetarian doesn't mean your a tree hugger or revolutionary, does not mean your you hate meat eaters.. does not mean your perfect.

I personally know that when you take care of your body, everything else falls into place. When I went Vegan, I was and still am open to so many different real things in the world, fuck the material and selfishness, vain and superficial shit in the world. I see the world different.

I totally UNDERSTAND having to change your lifestyle or fatham the thought and idea of not eating meat/fish? thats inconcievable to most, I know first hand Vegan/Vegetarian (there are different forms of Vegetarian) is something that you should educate and make your own choice. It's overwhelming at first for some.. For me personally because of my mom I went total Vegan the very next day. I love vegetables, fruits, etc.. and after everything I learned.. it's true.. When you know better.. you do better.

Not everyone can keep this up.. I find it so fucken hard to not want to eat junkfood cause sometimes I'm not always somewhere, be it friends house, restaruant, late night especially hard to eat healthy. I am not a picky eater..nor do I need a shit load to feel full.

I don't expect really anyone to agree with me.. and ignorance is bliss including trying to argue with me when there is no arguement this is what MY truth is, what I KNOW is right and correct

I see Vegan/Vegetarian as the Underground way of life, Like Hip Hop.. It's no longer on the radio right.. so you got people drilling this bullshit into your head.. like the government making you think a certain way..

using scare tactics (as in you will get sick if you stop eating meat, you need milk.. when in fact. You get sick by eating and drinking that shit)

when in reality it's the real shit tied with the earth that is the truth..

By the way PETA is an awesome awesome awesome organization.. To some who don't get them they are often hated on and not taken serious. Sure there are always the radicals and some who give PETA a bad name.. BUT SHIT ISN'T THAT ALWAYS THE CASE IN ANYTHING????????

I have protested embassy's, circus's.. OH LORD ONCE YOU LOOK INTO THE WAY THE ANIMALS ARE TREATED, SERIOUS SHIT.. ELEPHANTS ARE BEATEN INTO SUBMISSION.. THEY ARE CAGED AND WITHOUT EVER BEING LET OUT.. ALL OVER THE WORLD LIKE FUCKEN CARGO?.. BABY'S ARE TAKEN AWAY FROM THEIR PARENTS.. ELEPHANTS ARE VERY VERY CLOSE, THEY NEED TO BE TOGETHER.. LOOK AT THE WAY THEY ARE .. YOU KNOW WHAT.. THATS MY NEXT BLOG.. HOLD THIS THOUGHT

YOU REALLY ARE WHAT YOU EAT

Ok so my mom has been a Vegetarian/Vegan since she was 13 years old. Now my mom is just an angel she does gods work.. so since I was born she never EVER put her beliefs on me. She would cook me meat, bought me whatever I wanted food wise.. She felt it was not right for her to stop me from anything, even though it wasn't something she believed in as far as her personal food choices. Ironic however, My grandfather owns a famous restaurant in Culver City, CA (Johnnies Pastrami) that is known for Pastrami. He has owned this since for well over 50 years.. She always ate salad or fries whenever she was there.. now she just takes her food

I use to think how the hell do you not eat meat? what else can you eat? well August 21st, my 23rd B-Day My mom brought home a book that changed my life.. she didn't know what it was about but the title she thought was funny.. I read it that very night.

My last meal before turning vegan was A famous star combo from Carls Jr.

My mom is VERY into animal rights, etc (As well has human rights, causes, etc).. so as I was being educated from this book, it was the horrific descriptions of how the animals are slaughtered.. that will forever be em blazed in my head and since that day I have never had any meat, fish,BUT I will admit I have had the juices from pozole.. How horrible is that? what a hypocrite things I chose? I'm eating the very shit this poor animal is immersed in? I'm eating the very juices of this dead animal. etc..

I do not eat anything that had a face.. any meat flesh.. (exception girls LOL.)

Ok so the obvious question "WHAT DO YOU EAT" .. people we are in 2000 fucken 9 in 2 days.. we are not on a brink of discovering this way of life.. Whole Foods is awesome for Vegans in my opinion.. Trader Joes is awesome as well, I find for vegetarians and not as strict......

When I'm on my game of True Vegan I eat alot, from Vegetables, to fruit.. There is a delicious Vegan restaurants all over, including organic mom and pop stores.. Let me share some shocking news.. YOU CAN MAKE ALTERNATIVES AND THEY ARE THE SHIT .. OF ANYTHING!

You can make cookies, cakes, enchiladas, pies, pasta, pizza, fries, nachos, EVERYTHING 100% Natural and Organic.. Don't believe me?
Mind you not all "VEGAN" or "VEGETARIAN" promised products ARE SUCH. Once you read this book, YOU WILL KNOW EVERYTHING THAT IS IN YOUR FOOD, INCLUDING ON WHAT INGREDIENTS COMPROMISE "VEGAN/VEGETARIAN/ORGANIC" 99% Of the products in the "ORGANIC " Section in national Super markets ARE A FUCKEN JOKE.. The whole "O" products COMEDY.

Visit these sites.. just click.

Goveg.com-Awesome introductory

Organic/Healthy!

Caring Consumer

So what's the amazing book I have so boasted about? The life changing cover to cover wonder? It's dun dun dun.........................

SKINNY BITCH!
Visit The Website-SkinnyBitch.Net

This book has so much impact,

They are debuting "Skinny Bitch Fitness series—three workout DVDs! Skinny Bitch Boot Camp and Skinny Bitch Body will both be out in January 2009 and Skinny Bitch Booty Bounce will be available April 2009!"

"If you can't take one more day of self-loathing, you're ready to hear the truth: You cannot keep shoveling the same crap into your mouth every day and expect to lose weight.

Authors Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin are your new smart-mouthed girlfriends who won't mince words and will finally tell you the truth about what you're feeding yourself. And they'll guide you on making intelligent and educated decisions about food. They may be bitches, but they are skinny bitches. And you'll be one too-after you get with the program and start eating right.

Rory Freedman, a former agent for Ford Models, is a self-taught know-it-all.

Kim Barnouin is a former model who holds a Masters of Science degree in Holistic Nutrition.

They have successfully counseled models, actors, athletes, and other professionals using the Skinny Bitch method. They both live in Los Angeles."

AND YOU DAMN SKIPPY I'M GETTING MY COPY'S!

SCROLL DOWN FOR MORE INFO ON THE BOOK!

It's written so sassy, funny and no bullshit! It's very detailed, covers EVERYTHING from milk, sugar, government cover ups, etc.. the effects of EVERYTHING.. how the animals being slaughtered and farms with cows, etc.. their anxiety, torture really does translate to your body. So many times depression comes from what the animals go through.

IT DOES NOT PREACH YOU TO GO VEGAN, IT SIMPLY EDUCATES YOU IN THE EASIEST WAY

I read this and went total fucken vegan for a long time then.. went to vegetarian which I am right at right now.. I do eat cheese and junk food, but no meat/fish.. First of all to settle some myths.. You don't get protein from animals or fish.. your eating dead fucken flesh.. and I laugh when people ask me "where do you get your protein from" let me ask you something.. how many times a day do you wonder "Did I get enough protein today" lol.

I don't force or tell anyone my opinions on this.. I do not go into detail.. NO ONE is going to change my mind about meat/fish so why should I try to force it on someone else? This blogsite is where I am expressing my opinion. I don't give a shit what YOU put in your body.. I don't tell people what they should eat.. I don't like it when people tell me.

You get protein from fruits and vegetables, beans, grains.. wow who would have thought things that grow from the earth is what is good for you? amazing. l.o.l.........

This book covers everything.. if you knew what the fuck was in Milk, soda and "Diet soda" you wouldn't feed that shit to a roach..but your feeding it to your kids? why the fuck are we drinking Milk from a COW????????? it makes your kids fat, doesn't make your bones strong.....

The shit the government puts in these animals to mass grow them just adds insult to injury in regards to your health.

Now I'm not one to preach.. this is my blog, my blogsite and I say what I want.. When people ask me why I don't eat meat.. I say it's a personal choice.. and if they keep fucken asking me in an ignorant way or try to say stupid childish shit like describing how they are eating or how the animal died but how it taste so good.. I just say "There is more meat for you =)" dumb fucks.

"A funny foul-mouthed ode . . . ”
—The New York Times Book Review

“What makes this diet easy to swallow is the book's tough-love attitude — part best-friend counsel, part drill-sergeant abuse and a dash of sailor mouth, wrapped in a pretty chick-lit package.”
— iVillage, Diet & Fitness

“It made me laugh . . .”
— Marie Claire UK
Skinny Bitch cover

"A cleverly titled book with useful information on healthy eating..."
— Elle UK

"Don't hate them—be them. The authors of Skinny Bitch offer women a no-holds-barred approach to being thin and fabulous."
— Metro

“The authors are brazen . . .They’re not trying to win popularity contests . . . they just want healthy people.”
—Associated Press News Syndicate

“Ready to jump-start [the year] with an electric prod to the system?. . . They tell it like it is, and without delicacy.”
—Chicago Sun Times

“As the authors rightly point out, thanks to slick marketing and food-industry lobbying, we’ve reached such a collective level of ignorance about health and nutrition that a diet telling us to eat lots of meat and no fruit becomes wildly successful. ‘You are a total moron if you think the Atkins Diet will make you thin’ they tell us. Harsh? Yes. But it’s also true. …there’s more solid advice in Skinny Bitch than in most diet and health books.”
— Bitch, Anniversary Issue

“By no means for the faint hearted . . . this is as hard hitting as it comes!”
—Hot Stars (UK)

“This diet book doesn’t sugar-coat what you have to do to lose weight.”
—Grazia

“Sensible advice . . .”
—Health & Fitness UK

“Kim Barnouin, a former model with an MS in Holistic Nutrition and Rory Freedman, a former modeling agent, have achieved the seemingly impossible by writing a diet book that’s as sassy and entertaining as it is packed with reliable information.”
— Energy Times

“This book is an absolutely hilarious read because the authors treat you like they know you well. They yell at you, they insult you and they call you some very nasty names. But since they are giving out their strongly-held beliefs and advice on living a healthy lifestyle — and you know in your heart they're right — it is refreshingly in-your-face funny.”
— Cathy Mathias, Florida Today

"Skinny Bitch is outrageous, wickedly irreverent, and right on the mark. Any young woman who pays attention to this book will become healthier, thinner, and more powerful."
— John Robbins, best-selling author of Diet For A New America and Healthy at 100

“Skinny Bitch combines a ‘take no prisoners’ attitude with cogent analysis and scientific proof to make an engaging, wickedly irreverent, and iron-clad case for eating healthfully. If I had it in my power, I’d provide a free copy to every young woman in the developed world; we could then become, instead of the fattest next generation in history, the healthiest.”
— Ingrid Newkirk, President, PETA

"Skinny Bitch dishes up scientifically sound information that will change your health and your life. Its 'in-your-face' approach is at once engaging and humorous, and belies its serious and well-researched underbelly. It’s the spark that will start your personal revolution. Pick it up. Read every last word. Healthy and skinny you will be."
— Amy Joy Lanou, Ph.D., Senior Nutrition Scientist, Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine

Fur-Who's skin are you in? I FAKE IT!

2008-12-29T16:17:00.000-08:00

I actually REFUSE to buy/support artists such as Mary J Bliege, I love me some Beyonce but I will not spend one dime personally on her music for the fact she has real fur in her clothing line. I will not support Jennifer Lopez, Sharon Stone, etc..

I refuse.

It has to be the evil in me but the things I want to do to the "people"s souls who torture, kill, beat, and manufacture this kind of "business" , but I doubt they have any.. how can ANYONE do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARE YOU PART OF THE PROBLEM OR SOLUTION???????????

OH AND IF YOU GOT ENOUGH HEART TO WATCH THESE VIDEOS.. THESE ANIMALS ARE MURDERD ALIVE MY DEAR. NOT PUT TO SLEEP.

BABY SEALS? ARE YOU SERIOUS? CLUBBED ON THE HEAD FOR THEIR FUR? ELEPHANTS ONLY KILLED FOR THEIR IVORY IN THEIR TUSKS THEN LEFT THERE?

IMAGINE YOU ARE SCARED SHITLESS? EVER BEEN TERRIFIED???????????? EVER SEEN TERROR IN YOUR CHILDS EYES? NOW THINK ABOUT EVERY FUCKEN ANIMAL THAT HAS NO VOICE .. CAN'T SCREAM AND GOES THROUGH THIS SOBER.. AND FULLY AWAKE..

NOW ASK YOURSELF.. WHAT WOULD YOU DO? HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU FEEL?

INDESCRIBABLE RIGHT?

YOU THINK GETTING A PAPER CUT FUCKEN HURTS? "SKINNING" YOUR KNEE.. YEA REAL OUCH..

FUCK GETTEN WAXED...............................................

Who's skin are you in?

LIKE LEATHER? GOT TO HAVE THAT LEATHER JACKET? THAT LEATHER PURSE? LEATHER SHOES?

Horse abuse-Charro assholes-REALITY

2008-12-29T16:03:00.000-08:00

IMAGINE YOU ARE SCARED SHITLESS? EVER BEEN TERRIFIED???????????? EVER SEEN TERROR IN YOUR CHILDS EYES? NOW THINK ABOUT EVERY FUCKEN ANIMAL THAT HAS NO VOICE .. CAN'T SCREAM AND GOES THROUGH THIS SOBER.. AND FULLY AWAKE..

NOW ASK YOURSELF.. WHAT WOULD YOU DO? HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU FEEL?

INDESCRIBABLE RIGHT?

WHATS FUNNY ABOUT AN ANIMAL BEING SO SCARED.. SHIT LOAD OF PEOPLE SCREAMING AND CHEERING..

SICK FUCKS.

Alot of what I wrote below are in fact real and true. I have put videos of exactly what the fuck goes on. Be advised these videos are horrific and graphic.

- I also want to stress I think Hunting is not a sport.. including Fishing your putting the hook in the fishes mouth then when you throw it back in.. it fucken drowns. What an athlete you are.......

I'm not trying to offend anyone, I'm bringing the truth to the masses. I understand those who will not agree with me, and who don't share or view the same opinions. I totally get that. I understand these are ancient traditions. I however, do not agree.

My mom has many horses, they are an amazing animal.

They are friecly strong and very smart. Many people don't know what happens to the horses at the races for example. Many horses are not treated right, Horses like other many animals need constant maintenance. So when your racing a horse to make other people money.. then why are of no use.. Horses are OFTEN sold to slaughter houses. If you have ever heard what a horse slaughter house sounds like.. You would have nightmares. They hang the horses by a LEG.. they slit their throats.. and like usuall just as in any slaughter house.. like where your meat and dairy products come from .. the animal isn't always killed in an instant.. imagine that? The screams of the horses knowing they are going to die.. some are slit right in the middle of their body...

A mexican/Spainsh tradition is Charro .. It's like a rodeo.. now I know it's a tradition, etc.. but the sick fucks who are so "macho" have the horses run in a full gallop meaning.. having them run around the ring full speed.. they lastle the horse.. meaning they swing a rope when the horse runs by and pulls it so they are TRIPPED and fall..
PHOENIX – Arizona is one step closer to joining a handful of states that have banned horse tripping, a Mexican-style rodeo event.

The bill, HB 2539, passed unanimously through the House of Representatives’ Water and Agriculture Committee, Thursday, Feb. 7.

According to Representative Kyrsten Sinema (D-Dis.15), the primary sponsor of the legislation, “there still is a lot of work to do before it passes the legislature and gets sent to the Governor.”

Horse tripping involves cowboys forcing a horse into a full gallop. Once up to speed, another horseman lassoes the front or hind legs of the horse, causing it to trip forward at full force.

From the fall, horses often suffer serious and even fatal injuries, including lacerations, broken knees, necks and shoulders, as well as spinal injuries.

“In many cases, the horse is put down or dies of these injuries,” Sinema said.

Arizona is the last southwestern state to ban the rodeo event. As a result, there has been an increase in rodeos featuring it.

“After California, New Mexico and Texas outlawed the practice of horse tripping, it leaves only Arizona amongst the Southwest states allowing this,” Sinema said. “This means that more charro-style rodeos have come to Arizona to engage in these activities.”

But under the proposal, tripping an equine for sport or entertainment would be punishable at a misdemeanor level. If convicted, the accused would face up too six months in jail and made to pay fines up to $2,500.

The proposed bill also establishes sentencing guidelines for second and third-time offenses.

Currently, California, Florida, Illinois, Maine, New Mexico, Oklahoma and Texas are the only states to have banned it. But Nevada, Wyoming, Colorado and Nebraska are also considering legislation this session.

Horse tripping is not a standard ranching practice anywhere in the U.S., nor is it sanctioned by any American-style rodeo association, such as the Professional Rodeo Cowboys Association or International Professional Rodeo Association.

For more than 50 years, the movie and TV industries in the United States have banned airing footage of horse tripping.

But this is where the controversy begins. The Charro Federation publicly stated that experienced charros, the Mexican equivalence of American cowboys, know how to trip a horse without hurting it.

However, the trouble is the delicate bone and muscular alignment of a horse. While many rodeo and charreada events can be considered rough on animals, the structure of most livestock, such as bovines, is a lot hardier than equines.

A horse’s legs can be compared to a human’s legs in the structure of its ankle and hoof. For this reason, if a horse goes lame it will often have to be put down. A cow on the other hand, can be lame and live a long life without complications.

While the humaneness of wrangling can be debated, it is still a practical technique used on many ranches today. Horse tripping, on the other hand is not, and purely serves as a form of entertainment.

The event is unique to the history and culture of charreadas, which originated in 16th century Spain and quickly spread to New Spain, or Mexico. Charreadas include many other cultural events such as parades, costumes, music and riding competitions.

In the 1970s, charreadas first began in the United States as the result of Mexican Americans looking to connect with their identity and stay culturally connected Mexico.

Since so much of charreadas has to do with heritage and family, Hispanic communities often argue that horse tripping events are an important part of their history and should not be banned.

Tell us what you think under this story. Post your favorite pet videos at the zootooTV tab. E-mail us your story ideas at news@zootoo.com or call us at 877-777-4204.

WHY WOULD YOU TRIP A FUCKEN HORSE IN FULL SPEED? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING THROUGH THESE ASSHOLE'S MINDS? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ANY ANIMAL? THAT MAKES YOU A FUCKEN MAN????? SICK FUCKS.

OH AND THE WHOLE TORO BULLSHIT.. STICKING A FUCKEN KNIFE IN THE BULL'S BACK THEN RUNNING AROUND TRYING TO TEASE IT.. YEA THATS REAL FUCKEN BRAVE ..

At alot of Charro Rodeos they have the horses "Dance" well the horse is not dancing .. what they do is stick nails in their feat.. they beat the shit out of the horse to "train" them to go from side to side.. Imagine? Lets stick nails in their feet and have someone sit on you while your in horrific pain??????????????????????

Most horses feet never get taken care of if you don't know what your doing.. Horses are bonding animals.. oh AND THEY FUCKEN FEEL.

Puppy Mills-wake the fuck up.

2008-12-29T15:53:00.000-08:00

I am giving Angel Readings

2008-12-29T11:34:00.000-08:00

My wonderful and angelic friend Janice =) gave me great gifts/learning tools to help me in my spiritual awakening journey. It's not a money making pyramid, or a scheme or some cult as "spiritual awakening" may come off to those who don't believe or the stereo type with it.

Anywho, She graciously gave me a BEAUTIFUL deck of "Oracle Cards" by Doreen Virtue, Ph.D.

These cards are very accurate.. they are absolutely gorgeous. The deck has 44 cards, each card has an angel, below it is a message, each are different. There are 4 "Archangels" -Archangel Gabrielle, Archangel Michael, Archangel Raphael & Archangel Uriel.

I will explain what is Oracle Cards, the significance of Archangels, etc..

It comes with a helpful booklet that goes over things from how to do a reading, It shows you "Spreads" for instance if you ask about Money there is an "Abundance Spread" where you can ask anything about this or there are different examples of questions you can ask.. It shows you where exactly to place the number of cards. For this spread there is 7 cards, below the spread is 7 questions, each question is assigned to each card, each card will tell you the message (answer) to that particular question.

You can ask anything you want, the different spreads cover topics like, Healing, Conditions, Money, Soul Mate, What the future holds, including spreads if you want to receive a message from your angels, or deceased loved one, including what angels are guiding you right now.

You can ask anything you desire, there is no wrong way. You don't have to follow the spreads at all, you can simply pull out as many cards as your intuition directs you when to stop, or when you simply want to stop and pull out the cards.

With every Angel, in the book describes their "Additional Message" a good paragraph explaing in greater detail what their message is relaying to you.

I have only been using these cards for about 2 weeks? I have given a couple readings to my friends.. It's very accurate, There has been few times when I particularly don't understand a card or maybe hope for a direct message that will satisfy exactly what I asked, but I'm sure the message and card was picked out to me for a reason.

I don't need to be in the same room with you, I have done some via e-mail, on the phone, over Yahoo Messenger lol. It's all energy and God (whatever god you prefer to pray to and believe in) and the Universe is delivering these messages to you. I like to ask my friends who are having a hard time or stressing over something, to give them comfort from their angels.

It's amazing when some of the cards come through repeatedly, if thats not a message I dunno what it is lol. I shuffle the cards very well.

If you want a reading, Email me -Latinabeatz@aol.com or simply hit me up on Myspace , or HipHopGo2Girl on yahoo messenger =)

The definition of Archangels, their meaning, purpose, etc... Click here

Some things in life I have learned

2008-12-28T23:49:00.000-08:00

Granted, I am only 26.. god I'm old! Then again.. I'm sure there are countless people and family's who wish they could have seen their loved one reach my age.

There are things that I have learned. I look back at shit and omg I cringe in self embarrassment like the way I use to dress, act, think, did.. lordy. What was I thinking? EVEN things from barely a year ago..

I find myself when speaking to younger teens or whatever all the different things I now know. Many times I have always heard "You will understand when you get older" and that is so true way beyond words.
The catch is.. you have to experience to understand.

I will add on to this blog, because of course I have much more to learn. I now find myself appreciating and understanding, processing what older people tell me or describing about their life and things they have learned. I have a thing now of asking elders what life lessons they have learned, their mistake could save me one. I am finding that in life in general if people are telling you something over and over, be it good or bad, with the exception of course of negative, derogatory, hurtful and cruel shit.. but things in life or situations your in .. things you can't see ..

like not to drive a certain way, or you should get such and such checked out, or when it comes to relationships so many signals, signs, red flags we miss because we are on the inside looking in..so if multiple are telling you for your own good... think about what they are saying.. usually it's the ones on the outside looking.. of course if it's their good intention to look out for you of course is when you should pay attention. However, with everything there's chances what everyone has warned you about could totally be wrong, I'm just saying more times then not. stubbornness is a mofo.

I learned to always go with my gut, if something seems to good to be true or something doesn't seem right.. acknowledge that and don't over look it. be cautious.

I learned how certain dialects people have predict the ending of an argument or discussion.

I learned that sometimes things happen for a reason (vague I know but I find it to be true)

When someone out of no where sends you a negative message trying to push your buttons.. it's usually because they are threatened and thats how they obtain attention. Negative attention is easier to obtain than positive. Lordy it took me a while to learn that especially in what I do.

I learned that the way someone treats others especially people that are weaker then them is the way they will treat you.

I learned you teach people how to treat you

I learned to Never underestimate ANYONE. Never assume you know and think what people will do, react and behave, a little contradicting but Never say Never.

I have learned nothing is "Set in stone" Don't take no for an answer and don't always rely on yes, if your not happy or satisfied with an answer, take it to the highest person in charge when dealing with business's and customer satisfaction.

Anyone is replaceable, Not only Good things to come an end.

one should not be surprised by knowing someones negative continuous behavior, it's not new.

There will always be people trying to tear you down, so appreciate the ones who hold you high.

I personally try not to get my hopes up, about situations or people. I try to always have a Plan B.

nothing is guaranteed always keep your options open.

What you do will come back to you in some way, shape and or form.

Having Money doesn't guarantee you will buy happiness, of course it makes things easier lol.

Money can't buy you health. I know first hand.. doesn't matter how much money you have your health is not always covered with payment. I promise you this.

Compassion is a key to happiness

Saying "Calm down, Relax & Chill" are 3 things you shouldn't say to a woman lol.

however, when in an argument with someone starting sentences or points with "YOU SHOULD DO.. YOU SHOULD OF" or YOU NEED TO that is a start for defensive reaction.. fighting words lol, I personally am trying to take out those words from my vocabulary including always saying YOU YOU YOU

Blood is thicker then water, but water taste better.

It's easier to talk shit, assume or treat someone a certain way.. ignorance is bliss but life and your well being is much more appeasing and attractive when you think about what they go through and went through.. before you assume.

Some people have bad days.. and may not intentionally being rude on purpose.

Not everyone is perfect, so before you criticize someone, think about your choices in life.

One persons trash really is another's treasure

We learn more from our mistakes, then our moments of victory

Honesty isn't always the best policy

-I truly don't buy into that "live everyday as your last" or "I live life to the fullest" maybe some but I don't know really anyone who can live everyday as it would be their last when they work everyday, don't have time to take a shit in peace.. I dunno if thats exactly what they would do that lol...

I learned that even the most annoying fucking cringing shit some of my close friends or people do.. One day I will miss it god forbid if they leave this earth.. so I guess even if it's annoying one day you may wish to give anything for that....

I have learned the hard way not to jump to conclusions.. think before I speak!

I am now trying to not say anything if I have nothing NICE to say.

To be continued!

I am the gay elephant in the "Room"

2008-12-28T22:12:00.000-08:00

that apparently no one is bringing up or mentioning to me about lol.

No need to dance around.. spit it out.

I just got back from visiting with my mom's mom.. and my step- grandfather .. who is more like my grandfather..

Some people ask me what does my "family" say about me being gay or how did they take it .. etc.. blah blah and blah.

I am the kind of person where.. especially with some people I don't give a fuck what they think. My mom well it was not until like Summer of 07 that I was involved with someone and my mom asked me if there was something going on.. I sayed of course.. she's like "where do you sleep" I'm like .. where do you think?

I'm 26 year old I don't have to make excuses, be scared or hide shit.. I am of age to do what I want.

so she started with "I think it's a phase" blah blah blah. I sayed no.. see I do truly believe people can be Bi.. I truly believe you can totally want to be with both genders..

before I get the hate mail of "I would never be with my same sex" well pop some champagne and congrats.. but for those like me who prefer being with my same gender.. or for those who are attracted to both genders.. this is the people I'm speaking about..I believe they are not confused.. sure some may be curious and experiment and then there is some who love both sex's .. literally.

I have been with guys.. I have also been kissing girls since I was a 5 and up. So for the ones quick to say "you haven't met the right one".."you had a horrible experience with your dad/boyfriend" blah blah blah.. whatever excuse you need to come up with to make your self comfortable.. handle your scandle.. but no. I know what I like .. I've tried both and have made a decision.

My mom is the type that is not judgmental for shit. If I were to bring him any race, color, etc.. as long as I was happy then thats all that mattered.

So in continuing.. my mom however is not comfortable with it.. I think the main reason is because she doesn't want to see me as a "sexual being".. I can totally understand that... I mean who wants to think of their parents doing shit that we do? and with the same sex? lol right? If thats her whole reason behind her uneasiness then cool.. does it kinda bother me that my mom is the shit and accepting of every fucken being can't really discuss this? of course. This is the one issue thats not really talked about..

I tease her and shit but then again.. maybe cause I am an only child.. who doesn't want their only child especially their daughter to get married and have a kid? but news flash.. being straight doesn't entitle you to the white picket fence story book kind of life.. I love kids but don't want any.

SAME SHIT as the whole "oh your to pretty to be gay" "what a waste".. and my usual response.. what the fuck does looks have to do with it? like seriously? every "Attractive" person you know who dates a dude or girl is perfect cause the way they look? Oh ok.. so because I am cute or whatever that makes me guaranteed that I will have a devoted loving husband for the rest of my life?

Oh and for the record.. I'm not a fucken godess lol.

you either need to wake up or go to sleep cuz you smoken some shit. We are in 2009 my dear.. and if your so fucken superficial to think because of the way you look that will depend the outcome of your love life? really? so what about all the "attractive" people that we all know? do we say "I'm so sorry your boyfriend/girlfriend cheated on you because YOUR SO PRETTY.. get the stupidity? what if a beautiful looking person was a bitch, vain, horrible inside.. Not to get corny but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Looks fade and only go so far.. I know there is some really good looking stunning people but have the worse attitudes and attributes that make them appear fugly.

There is a quote a man once sayed on Oprah.. He lost his eye sight years ago and when people ask him why he's not depressed or something to that effect.. stuff we would all think .. thoughts that go through our head if that happened to us.. he sayed "I wouldn't have it any other way, I have senses people will probably never have in their life, and I never met an ugly person unless they wanted to be"..............................OH SNAPS. get my point?

I know first hand.. because I am a good person.. and I treated someone like a fucken queen.. her family is mad cool with me, everyone prefers me over the one she chose.. even to this day.. but no matter how perfect I was.. she chose someone else who I'm guessing wasn't the same way I was, and total opposite.. So that whole theory of looks and bullshit.. Guess I was the exception of the rule that looks will ensure you a guaranteed to happiness land....reality.. you want to be with the one YOU want to be with, fuck the superficial.

When some of my friends that I know read my blogs.. it's kind of like.. a weird embarrasing feeling? I dunno why.. I guess I'm used to people randomly sending me messages of how they like my blogs.. cool.. So when my mom told me her mother commented about my myspace page

(On my Email I have my myspace URL on my signature)

I was waiting for the "gay" thing to come up.. even tonight I was at their house and they wouldn't refer to it but only highly praised me of the way my page is structerd..I don't have the best relationship or close one, so for a compliment was kind of like .. hmm ok so wheres the insult? lol. Funny though cuz I was waiting for it to come up but didn't. On the way home I mentioned to my mom how they didn't bring it up..but I could tell on their face.. I told my grandfather to just spit out in a joking way..He also sayed I should show my page to my uncle and his wife as a better way to get to know me, .. I sayed why would I do that? I don't know them like that.. in all honesty no one really knows me in that family.. it's dis functional .. plus I've always stayed away not the best environment. So for me to show then my page and my world.. how can I expect them to understand me as a person when for the fact we are all together in 1 room we can't last 5 minutes before we fight. So I think not. But I could be wrong, apparently it's not an issue obviously.. and I shouldn't be as judgmental..and I need not be so defensive. I think they won't even dwell on that and just get to know me off my page and maybe from there we can become close? then again I don't know them that well either maybe, it's not right for me to assume what their beliefs and opinions are, They aren't close minded people don't get me wrong but I hope they don't act all weird or my moms brother tell me not to say or wear anything so his kids won't get confused? I'm just sayen..

a funny little thing.. last Saturday there was a huge dinner.. his daughter saw my necklace of the lesbian symbol (roughly described think of a circle with a upside down cross.. 2 of those symbols linked together. for more info on this and other symbols click here .. She's extremely bright, observant and intelligent for her age.. she's like 10? she asked me "What does that mean?" I was caught off guard so I changed the subject but she asked me again.. I sayed "just a necklace".. I wasn't about to explain it to her.. thats a conversation for her and her parents, I don't want to confuse her or anything, and I personally feel it's not my place to educate or explain to her.. so she follows me and keeps asking.. so I told her " it's just a necklace some girls wear.. older girls" she's like I seen that before I just can't remember.. someone told me though it's bad!" I sayed "well to some people it is" and I walked away. My mom told me she kept asking my mom what it meant and my mom kept telling her she didn't know what she was referring to.. my mom didn't even know what necklace I had on till she I showed it to her. she's like oh.. thats what she's talking about.

My mom sayed her brother did look at it and mentioned to her like "Oh so Alexis is a Lesbian?" my mom told him she didn't want to discuss it.. that annoys me. My mom is all about gay marriage, gay rights she doesn't care. she use to joke she will probably have a daughter in law and will have to join G.L.A.A.D. But I guess when it comes true?.. It's not hard but it's kind of like wtf? I don't think she wants to know details about who I date.. but even when I dated dudes she was weird about that.. I can give a mad fuck though.. as long as I'm happy who cares and she will be fine.. she doesn't treat me any different or anything at all.. she has friends of all sorts, etc..

I have people that send me messages asking me how did I come out and how did my family react.. I was never in the closet.. I thought I was Bi for ever! but I always knew the difference of being with a guy and girl and what I felt was right. I have some "Friends" well acquaintances who think it's just a phase and blah blah fucking blah.. they don't know what I feel inside or think. Just cuz they may not get it I don't give a fuck..

I don't really know what to tell them because I didn't have a religious or people around me hateful to such, structured or be it racist up bringing my mom was never like that, I didn't really hear anything derogatory about Gay/Lesbian it was never an issue. So when I get asked what they should do because either their family is against it period or they are afraid they will be shunned and or banned, letting down their family, etc.. I don't know what to tell them. Thats something they have to decide on their own, I am not in a position to give them advice for the fact my way of things and circumstances is different.

The word LESBIAN however doesn't sit right with me .. not because of what it stands for.. but because of the label.. it doesn't define me. So many stereo types with labels. Not every fucken lesbian is a horniada.. horny ass broads, or have mullets and are homely looking.. Sure there are lots but even though I appreciate a beautiful woman.. I'm not attracted to alot.. I have a certain type that I like.. I'm sure the same with gay guys.. Who are so much fucken fun.. especially the flamers lol love love love them!

When Prop 8 was on the ballet for this years election.. ay dios.. so much propaganda about being in schools and kids.. I can go on FOREVER on the false scare tactics they used, yea funny though how all these people were so scared it would "convert" their kid or blah blah blah.. when ugh.. how many fucked up examples do we have of straight parents. It is what it is... blah blah blah. I tell some of my friends who are homo phoebe.. They flatter themselves that every gay guy who walks past them wants them?, I'm sure you aren't their type either.. what do you think they are gonna do? sprinkle gay fairy dust on you? -I will say this.. IF we can have a black president .. we will have gay marriage legal one day. I totally understand everyone's point if they support or don't. Doesn't phase me.

I know some women who were in long term marriages, have kids.. but end up with a woman. It just goes to show you .. you just never know if someones personality or your connecting with someone on a deeper level.. may not always be what you thought would be.

To each is own.. I have written a detailed blog on this in this site.. anyways.. I think my main point was .. interesting that people I know or people who have known me since birth but don't know anything about my life see what I have public ally available to everyone and my blogs where I speak or I should say write whats on my mind... at least they like the style of my writing lol.

So thats my story

TMZ & The disease of gossip

2008-12-25T21:48:00.000-08:00

I am blogging from my phone! Ahhh watch out now lol! I'm sure there are typos so please bare with me spell check isn't an option on my blackberry right now for this blog lol

I love TMZ.

The writers on that show are fucken comedy and genius. I know they intrude and really say some horrible shit. I get that and it is wrong. Is it good T.V? Yes!

Sometimes I think what if I was a huge celebrity? Lord how they would tear me apart!

Omg the candid pictures!!!! I freak out now about my angles, imagine?

I don't agree with the questions, the ridiculous and completely uncalled for, horrible and intrusive questions. I know its the reaction they want but still. Just bad karma

Harvey always looks mad like he doesn't want to be there. The people who work there all seem like miserable people who get off on the misfortunes and caught off guard celebs they blissfully out and pick apart everything they say, do and look like
Then Harvey puts the name of everyone they have dirt on.. On a clear board. Imagine your name on there? Wtf is that?

If you think about with all that negativity everyday for a fucken show? A show that I watch? What does that say about me? Am I part of the problem? I am part of their ratings demographic.

Gossip is a huge business. Probably as old as prostitution. Its hurtful but oh so juicy! We all hate when its about us though right?
Its kind of like that old game "Telephone" roughly described there is about 4 to 5 players, the more the better. The first person whispers a story in the ear of the other and passes it along to the next person, so on and so on, then the last person says what they heard. Maybe some people interpet what they processed different?

I see TMZ as kind of like a dramatic, lonely, jealous, vindictive, manipulating, clingy, obsessed stalker girlfriend
If you notice when a celeb disses them or gets mad they tear them apart but if they are "nice" to the cameras they are pleased and show them all kinds of love making the celeb look like a saint

In a time where exposing celebrities and tearing them apart so society can feel better about their own lives is profitable now more then ever

If you want to stick a camera in someones face that's one thing but to fucken follow, chase and out right put peoples lives in danger, even following them home, digging in their trash! especially when it comes to kids.

What's even more scarier is with all the emphasis on "The Money shot" anyone can literally go after you, especially in this economy. Our world is instant, within minutes you can upload any unflattering image and news from your phone to the world wide net

Look at Britney Spears shit to be stalked and chased like a fucken animal? With a failed marriage, 2 kids and the pressure of being a huge star? Is that easy? Who is anyone to judge? Like we are all fucken perfect? Bullshit. I can't begin to think of what her life was like... Then to have a mental state and be constantly under the microscope? I would go fucken nuts to, cameras in your face, you can't even walk without a crush of people
If she goes to the gas station or somewhere normal then she's bad mouthed. Wtf is that?

Think about this, think about a time in your life where maybe you were doing something that if it was to get out on the net how embarrassed and even depressing that could be? I know a lot of people do care what people think of us.. Now magnify that by a good couple million who don't know you.. They form an instant opinion and judgment on you.. Blogs are posted about you by complete strangers, haters..... How would you feel? What if the story told wasn't even half true?
I'm sure the crew for instance showcased on TMZ television show has some dirt of their own... I wouldn't be surprised if some celebs or people who are tired of the shows shit starts to do a bit of dirt digging on their own ...

"Before you point your finger at me..make sure your hands are clean"
Karma.

Gone are the old days of semi true gossip magazines like "Enquirer" my mom was a faithful reader but come on
95% of that shit was ever really true

I think if we took a look at these people and have compassion, they are normal people. Sure they may have well of lives in money and possessions but doesn't mean they don't have problems of their own. The proof.. "Entertainment" media outlets like TMZ
Have you ever noticed how the media will build someone up and then tear them down!?
Do we chastize and tear them down, punish them for being successful? For having human ups and downs?

What's even more disturbing and dangerous is how society takes what is negativity shown as the truth. Opinions are formed and set in stone of an idea of the person, that can totally destroy someones career and credibility. How does their family's feel? the kids, etc imagine your parents plastered everywhere? Or being a kid having their school mates or people taunting and talking shit? But we don't think about that do we?

Ever hear the saying "Don't believe everything you hear" or "see" its true.

So maybe I don't love TMZ, I do watch it and I catch myself on their site "catching up" wtf is that? Its not my business. It is however entertainment but at the persons expense? Am I feeding into the negativity? With every click I give then by logging on raises their stats and the sponsors pay even more money, which only makes it more thirsty and hungry for more dirt and the cycle continues and this media monster grows to new lows and horrible highs.
And what's insult to injury? Spawn spin offs, a sequel in a way.. There is always competition.. That's the American Way right?

Me and my friend I affectionately refer to as Christanka are definitly chismosas.. Comadre style at it's best. We have known eachother since we were little girls, our mothers are good friends. She is one of the tiny few who knows everything about me. So of course we dish and spread the "cheese" of the Chisme from our daily lives.

I'm not saying I'm perfect and sure I "gossip" I'm sure we all do but there's a difference and a line.

I'm sure people gossip about me. I know for a fact they do. Its universal everyone has something to say about someone good or bad, positive or negative and or malicious

I am a vault. People tell me some serious juicy shit. I don't share because its not my business

There is always 3 sides to every story. 1 side of each and lastly the Truth

I like to think the truth just happens to match my side lol

Anyways now that I really think about it, the less negativity the better.

I won't be in the Thirty Mile Zone.

Top shit people do that irratates me!

2008-12-25T14:41:00.000-08:00

This seems to be one of my most popular blogs. I don't think if I wrote a blog on everything I love it would get this much attention.. lol.

I don't regret writing this particular blog.. I may come off to "harsh" to some.. but this is how I feel and I write what I want and how I want. I don't mean to offend anyone or target this to anyone personally. or else if I did.. I would lol. But this is just shit in life that annoys me..

-When someone always has something negative to say about someone doing good. No matter how good the situation is or whatever the accomplishment is someone always has to rain on their parade.. why? cuz most people in society can't stand to see someone getting praised.. they gotta be the asshole to ruin it.. or at least try. It could even be on the internet-well always on the net cuz 99% ain't got the fucken balls to put their info" to someone they don't even know.. like my blogs for instance.. ill get a shit load of comments/praise and there has to be one to say something so fucken stupid. Sure.. not everyone is gonna like what I have to say but it's called.. if you ain't got nothing nice to say.................... Callate =)

is it that difficult for someone to get positive feedback with no haters? OH MY THE HORROR.

Like always have to point out something about someone if that person is only getting good things sayed about them. or their work, writing, etc.. bet it makes the hater feel better?

Then people wonder why their lives are miserable.. KARMA my dear.

WHEN THEY HAVE NO SHAME!

People (Guys mostly!) Do NOT cover their fucking mouth when they SNEEZE! they turn their heads and direct their germs airborne! NO shame! even when they are ahead of you in line! SUCIOS!

or when your at the market or public place.. and people act like they are the only ones around.. stopping right smack in the center.. no compassion or thinking of others who may have to get around.

I find it awkward and uncomfortable when someone around me.. friend or stranger.. sneezes and I DON'T say bless you. It's just weird to me not to say it. I think it's fucken rude when people don't say it. personally.

When your speaking to someone and before you even finish your fucken sentence they say HUH? all fucken loud.. I wanna tell them LISTEN FIRST YOU ASS BEFORE YOU FUCKEN ANSWER. I hate that. so annoying and so rude. cuz before you finish your sentence and they go HUH.. you have to REPEAT and you can't even get to the end of the sentence before they go OH YEA and then they reply to the question.. ay dios mio! they fucken heard me. JUST A FUCKEN LAZY LISTENER........................

-Your speaking to someone on the phone and they HAVE NO SHAME completely disregard your speaking to them and they reply to someone else in the room.. not even "Hold On" .. Naw and it makes you feel stupid ESPECIALLY when they cut you off.. and then go back to your "conversation" either they make you say it again.. OR they start talking about what they just sayed to someone or go off on a topic all about them.. What's wack is if you were really pouring your heart, asking for advice, or some chisme.. WACK. OH but GOD FORBID! you do it to them? you don't say "HOLD ON" they freak out and get all pissed!

This happens in my "family' sometimes lol. If i was asked to get something for someone and what they wanted wasn't available.. and I tell them "they didn't have it" or "they can't do it" then the person will say "THEY CAN'T DO IT?" and I say no.."WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY CAN'T TO IT" .. and regardless my answer they keep FUCKING asking me.. MY ANSWER AIN'T GONNA FUCKEN CHANGE!

-Oh and another thing that I think is stupid .. it just speaks volumes on their character and immaturity when I have clearly I don't like it when guys call me mami or sexy.. yea duh I just do it's gay and stupid. so then I get messages "what up you sexy mami" lol. like if thats supposed to make me SOO MADDDDDD.. like I'm gonna loose sleep over it? get the fuck outta here with that, you didn't ruin my day.. the rain isn't coming down.. IDIOT lol. just makes you look stupid at your childish attempt to get my attention.. I find those kind of stupid things is easier for someone to get attention because as well all know.. negative attention is easier to obtain then positive.

I know this is the SHAME section so I won't go into to much detail cuz I already got 4 thousand blogs (lol) on no shame about how people play others..

but.. I'm gonna do it anyway lol.

-No Shame
Fucking your sancha while your baby momma is celebrating her BabyShower!
Fucking their partners (boy/girl) friends.. and going out all together like nothing happened!
Fucking countless girls with no condoms.. cuz only an idiot thinks "I don't wear rubbers with the girls I'm fucking.. I know they're only fucking me) LOL. As I'm sure the each girl your fucking thinks the same about you and all the dudes they're fucking ... Might as well get a job at the Free Clinic.. you will be spending alot of time there.. might as well get payed for being there.

I can go on and on..

Next...

ROAD RAGE IS CHRONIC WHERE I LIVE!

Ok so I know alot of "Races" have stereo-types.. so try to figure out which one I'm speaking about.. if you know me or live around 626 you know damn well what I'm talking about!!!!

-Your trying trying to get in the Left Lane to make a Left Turn (Protected green) and your behind the last car in the lane.. you ALMOST fit but because FUCKEN ASSHOLE a car ahead or a couple YOU MISS THE LIGHT.. I hate that shit!!! I get the whole "1 car behind or till you can see the tires of the car in front of you"but don't be a dick when you know there is only 1 fucken lane to make a left turn! you don't need that much space especially IF YOU THE FIRST FUCKEN CAR.. YOUR GUARANTEED TO TURN FIRST ASSHOLE..

AND Drive throughs!! OMG!

I HATE 2 window drive throughs like at Mc Donalds. realistically there is 3 cars that can fit.. the car at the pick up window, the car ahead who just payed.. and you who IS ABOUT TO PAY but can't cuz the fucken 2nd car can't move it's precious ass ahead! YOU sit there forever, practically backing up the line which is no fault of yours! until this ass graciously moves the fuck up!

OR your a car behind the person who is ordering.. and they chose to pull up only a tad.. so your fucken stuck between almost at the speaker.. but not quite there.. you try to pull up as much as you can.. you notice the car ahead of you has so much space between the car ahead of them you could lay down between them! so the censor is going off and then your asked for your oder.. but you can't be heard! so then you got people behind you giving you looks.. hands waving out .. thinking it's your fault...

One time I was at a George Lopez concert the day after Christmas.. so me and my mom parked on the roof top.. so everyone was trying to leave.. there was no one directing traffic so it was a fucken free for all A NIGHT MARE.. so you have the steady line of cars.. then you got the cars parked each side of the line.. who want in the line.. but theres cars backed up.. it's chaos.. SO were in the middle.. where we should be and this fucken bitch in a big ass SUV WITH NO SHAME straights puts her car like she's gonna hit my mom.. I'M LIKE OH HELL NO.. i told her WTF ARE YOU DOING? she of course ignores me.. and the mili second the car ahead moves she goes for it.. no shame in her bitch ass game.. then this other car trys it.. I WAS SO HEATED.. see shit like that.. petty ass caddy shit.. it catches up with you one day.. by the time we got out.. that broad was way behind us.. I dunno how people are raised.. ghetto shit like that.. wack. no manners.

ok now back to the calles lol.

I get so fucken PIST! when people don't move up.. or think about people behind you.. THEY'RE GOING SOMEWHERE TO ASSHOLE!

now where I live.. there is a huge Asian/Oriental.. whatever you wanna call it.. community. I find it ironic that 95% of the "older" generation can't drive past 20 mph.. but they actually own business's that offer DRIVING LESSONS! ..

Now besides the fact they don't fucken look when they make a turn.. OR they STOP like if fucken GOD was walking by and then PUTS ON THEIR TURN SIGNAL... WTF IS THAT?

I worry about my safety when I walk/run around my house.. I'm serious.. I'm constantly stopping whenever I pass a parking lot, crossing streets.. etc.

Okay now why is it that people will be I SWEAR TO GOD 4 fucken cars behind the cross walk.. like your at a light but the fucken car that is first behind the line is about the length of a FUCKEN BIG RIG what the fuck is that? like.. I could understand if you don't have the best vision.. but come on seriously? That would just be awkward to me.. to sit so far behind the line? or I see the car ahead of me has alll kinds of space.. I ALWAYS give them dirty looks.. I hate that shit!

or.. when your trying to make a light at a unprotected green light.. so time is not your friend.. and you got an idiot who won't go much father then the fucken line.. so by the time the light is green your fucked.. and if your the 3rd car and there is a CAMERA .. you just won a $300.00 ticket compliments of the ASSHOLE WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO MOVE THE FUCK UP! DON'T BE A SISSY LA LA!

Now if you know the 10 freeway.. ever notice that theres always a back up on the 1st to lanes? between Temple City Blvd and Fremont? Ever wonder why? .. I know the answer.. but lets just say it's all RELATED.

I hate it when people don't give big riggs the respect they need. If you know a trucker or ever been in one you would totally change the way you treat them. Yes, I know its fucken annoying they take for ever to merge.. but shit.. they got a couple TONS of metal plus like 5 or more GEARS.. so when your ass slams your breaks, or cuts in front of them they have little time to react!
PLUS I know it's an instinct that when we see them signaling to get over we kinda wanna speed up or think if we are behind them were gonna go slow as fuck.. maybe and maybe not.. but they gotta get in AND YOU FUCKEN SEE THEM but you wanna be a DICK FACE and speed along with them so they cant get in.. your an asshole. Be respectful .. you HATE when cars to it to you imagine how they feel?

People believe in signaling in traffic in L.A.. I DON'T. when there is traffic.. the guaranteed way your not gonna get in any lane is if you SIGNAL.. why? cuz people don't want to let you in cuz thats 1 more car in front of them going slow, and it's also a ego thing.

I always use my signals unless it's the situation above. What I don't get is when I'm trying to get in the lane AND THERE IS NO TRAFFIC.. I use to my signal.. YOU SEE MY ASS.. but all of a sudden WITH NO SHAME IN YOUR GAME you basically take your sweet ass time just passing by me like a big FUCK YOU.. WTF is that? and when I do get behind your stank ass.. more then Likely your going so fucken slow anyway.. I'll end up in front of you and your ass will what? BE 2 CARS BEHIND ME anyway? so why speed up? AIN'T LIKE YOUR DRIVING THE POPE THAT YOU GOTTA BE ALL PICKY AND SHIT.

I personally wave a respectful thank you when someone lets me in.. I was taught that way... If I'm letting you in when I know you really don't fit.. and you don't give me a thank you or wave? nigga fuck you!

OK now there are 2 things in this world I don't agree with nor tolerate. So if you know me and you do this.. I don't really give a flying shit if it offends you cuz the act is greater judge of character to me.

When people park in fucking handicapped parking. If you had it for your grandma, etc.. cool WHEN THEY ARE IN THE CAR.. but if not it ain't a fucken free pass just cuz YOUR ONLY GOING TO BE A COUPLE MINUTES...

I'm not stupid I know some people have them because they may have an injury of some sort you can't see and they may look fine.. but they can be prone to eye problems, or have chronic leg pain, etc.. I get that.

But if your a lil asshole who is clearly okay but just TO FUCKEN LAZY or in a hurry.. your an asshole. period.

If you know or have spent anytime with someone that has to be in a wheelchair .. OR are confined to a wheelchair.. do you know the time it takes to get them out of a car.. put them in the wheelchair.. or the time it takes for the van to unload the person in the wheelchair? and if they have breathing tanks, etc.. YOU JUST MADE IT THAT MUCH LONGER AND HARDER for them to not only WALK cuz there IS NO PARKING .. you made it that much harder for them to do what is ALREADY a hard enough task.
We take getting in and out for granted. If you really knew what they go through.. you would be a little more compassionate and take the extra time to find a fucking parking space .. so you gotta walk a lil father" THATS CALLED WEIGHT WATCHERS PARKING.. walk .. it's good for you! AND if you know someone in that situation.. and you still do? shame on you!

This may be a lil harsh but it's the way I feel.. I have no respect for ANY being if they..
Hurt, Abuse, Molest, Rap (yes it happens, how do you think slaughter houses and sick fucks do with disease ridden animals?).. Torture, hit, kick, throw, toss, stick shit up their ass, mouth, make them do cruel shit.. TO ANY ANIMAL. I swear to god..

You don't have to like animals, thats fine.. to each is own.. im not saying anything is wrong with that.. it's when they aren't doing anything to you and you just have to fuck with them. I know when we are kids.. sure they may not know better.. but when your a teen ager and up.. YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK YOUR DOING..

setting dogs on fire? picking bunny's up the ears? swinging a cat by it's tail? or pulling them? smashing kittens, kicking and hitting dogs to listen to you? IT'S A FUCKEN ANIMAL YOU DUMB PIECE OF SHIT! it's not human!. So you get mad if they shit somewhere.. what the fuck do you expect? but if they open a door or do something "smart" you punish them as well?

Most people think animals don't have feelings or some people are just raised to think they don't feel like we do .. the extent is the same IF NOT WORSE. THEY JUST CAN'T SPEAK you fucken piece of shit!

This is something I will not tolerate..

I don't eat meat, chicken or fish.. blah blah blah.. Do I care if you do? fuck no. thats your body.. do with what as you please..

I'm not gonna preach about how animals are treated, some of the SICKEST CRUELEST ever in the world!!! you wouldn't even sleep at night.. but I know it's easier to ignore..

my point.. animals feel to.. i understand if you were bitten by a dog or a cat, etc.. but something has to be evil in your soul to even want to hurt them.

It's a proven fact, serial killers, rapists, predators have all started with the abuse on animals.. so really think about that........

OH and fur is dead.. idiot..yea you look real spiffy wearing a dead fucken bear.

you sick fuck.

Oh and if you can't take care of a pet.. THEN DON'T GET ONE.. they shit, piss, do shit you don't like .. AND THEY MAY GET BIGGER.. OH AND THEY NEED ATTENTION!! Oh and guess what .. THEY BARK,MEOW, CRY etc.. THEY ARE FUCKEN LIVING BREATHING CREATURE..
DON'T GET ONE IF YOU CAN'T TAKE CARE OF IT.. PERIOD.

When you take your animal who has been with your family for a while or is passed on to you.. the minute you put them in a shelter.. guess what! they get sick, the feel depressed, they are in a new setting with other animals that by nature is their predator.. how would you feel?

I get people have to give their animals away cuz they can't keep them any longer, their apartment manager wont let them, they cant afford the pet, etc.. but just cuz it "bugs" you.. your a dick. period.
OH AND THE ONES WHO BREED, SELL AND FIGHT ANIMALS, TORTURE, KICK, ABUSE, MUTILATE, ETC...
I HOPE YOU DIE THE WORST DEATH THAT WILL MAKE EVERY GLORIFIED SERIAL KILLER CRY!
Anywhooooooooooooooooo

BUT WAIT.. before I get the cry baby's.. "what about rapists, child molestors, domestic violence"
I FEEL THE SAME! IF YOUR A SICK FUCK WHO DOES SOME SICK SHIT ESPECIALLY TO KIDS! YOU JUST FUCKED UP THEIR LIFE.. AND THE CYCLE CONTINUES.. THATS WHY WE GOT GIRLS HAVING KIDS AT FUCKEN 12 .. THATS WHY *MAJORITY* OF SOCIETY IS SO FUCKED.. EVERYONE FUCKING EVERYONE.. CHEATERS, ADULATORS, AIDS, STD'S RUN RAMPID.. NO RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER.. IT'S A FUCKEN CYCLE

Oh I know all about that personally.. plus my mom who is not only the hugest animal activist.. GO PETA! (not all members of peta are crazy).. she is also the Domestic Violence Coordinator at a Sherrifs Station..

so when someone wants to throw that shit at me.. I always ask.. well what causes are you involved in?

it's a touchy topic.
on to the next.........

When parents are walking feeeeeeeeeet behind their kids! wtf is wrong with you? thats how kids run into the street and the parents act like they dont have at least a little blame??????

or when your in a doctors office .. like urgent care like I was.. SURE I know kids get restless and kids get bored and they want to walk around and play.. it's natural! BUT if your kid is cranky and wants to run around BE LOUD AND SCREAM.. GET YOUR KID.. I was in Urgent Care.. in fucken unbearable pain.. in the waiting room.. with gee oh I dunno OTHER PEOPLE IN FUCKEN UNBEARABLE PAIN.. and yet there is this adorable little girl.. probably is sick or something? she's running around, moving things, climbing on things being loud.. probably bored.. and her mom yells .. not goes to get her.. but YELLS out her name and the oh so productive "don't touch that, get over here".. yea mommy dearest really getting her attention.

So this lil girl is not tryen to sit down nor go to her mother.. her mother is sitting a cross from me.. I'm with my mom.. and my mom is looking at her like GET YOUR KID..my mom is the shit.. she totally understands how kids are but this mom clearly is not interested in controlling her child.. it got worse and worse...... finally she goes to get the kid and the kid starts crying and screaming throwing a tantrum right in front of us! my mom is ready to say something but i hold her back!!!.. cuz if anyone even blinks at my mom wrong.. I will beat your ass till I see blood. I couldn't move so this wasn't gonna happen! so the little girl starts fussing and freaking out.. clearly does not want to sit down or be still.. so what does mother of the year do? she keeps trying to pick her up.. LIKE IF NO ONE WAS AROUND.. the little girl kept getting louder, wiggling her way from her mom, bending her straighting her legs so she doesn't have to sit down..

If her kid wants to act like that.. by all means.. handle that scandle BUT DO IT OUTSIDE! how embarrassing to put on a fucken show for everyone??????? I could see if the mom was overwhelmed or the one sick.. but she wasn't!!!!!!.. everyones head was throbbing, people are giving her looks but no one sayed shit..

If you warn your kid to stop.. and they keep doing it.. and you warn them again.. and they keep doing it? don't you think after the first warning you should take care of it? the minute you don't follow through with your "threat" is when they know you don't mean it. Universal Rule in life that applys to everything

I don't have kids, don't want kids, LOVE KIDS, KIDS LOVEEEEE ME! beautiful creatures in this world! but just cuz I didn't birth a child doesn't mean I don't know common sense. I have lived with kids, babysatt, worked at a school!!! There is some behaviors you don't have to be a genious to get.

I'll always add on lol.

You don't got to be perfect, I'm not perfect, no such creature. just have compassion and respectful of others is what I'm saying about everything.

-I get anxiety sometimes and cringe when like your eating and someone asks you a question and you want to answer them fast but you need to fucken chew before you choke and they say.."huh" or "well" I'm like LET ME FUCKEN CHEW LOL. but they take their time right? ORRRRRRRR They are conversing with you but in every other bite they keep stuffing food into their mouth? sure it's normal but i'm talking bout popping shit into their mouth between very half sentence! wtf is that? I'm like STOP DOING THAT AND PUT A PERIOD ON THE SENTENCE! lol.

ok so lets move on to my favorite "you only date girls? what a waste"

I dont' know how many times I get asked "you only date girls? what man broke your heart"

LOL. or "your to pretty to like girls" wtf. is that? Ok so lets say I'm this gorgeous fucken creature.. that makes me a better a person? really? would that make me a good cook? because I have a gorgeous body that would ensure I'm good at sex? because I have beautiful eyes that would guarantee I'm not into you for your money?

How fucken vain are you? seriously. I chop it up to insecurities. guys will run down the fucken list to convince them self that there has to be *something* on this earth that will satisfy their ego and make the threat less of why me or other females who don't date guys could possibly RESIST OH THE TEMPTATION OF THEIR MANLY HOOD..
GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT BULLSHIT FABIO.. oh and showing a girl your penis to a female who like myself thinks it's just hideious.. Nigga.. it's not a magic stick.. looks like a over sized needle.. looks painfull and is just FUGLY OF FUGLY'S.. other chicks who date guys love it..can't get enough of it.. duh thats why dildo's are so handy right?
but for me personally.. not interested. so showing me a pic or describing the inches? gross..
1.who did you dirty?
2.You never had good d*ck
3.do you hate your dad?
4.you scared?
5.you never dated me AHAHAHA
6.you down with a 3 some?

so I tell them.. you got a point.. I LOVE A STRONG MAN, A MANLY MAN.. A MAN WHO CAN LISTEN AND LOVE .. AND GET THE FUCKEN POINT I DON'T WANT HIM!

YA DIG? lol.

OH and by the way just cuz a girl is beautiful doesn't mean you will treat her like a fucken queen.. even beautiful girls get treated like shit and cheated on. How small your world must be if you assume because someone is attractive that they are somehow perfect?

I NOTE-If you just wanna fuck a bomb ass girl HANDLE THAT SCANDLE by all means.. I know you have to be attracted to someone of course duh!

but my gripe is when I'm constantly questioned why I don't date dudes and they bring my looks involved like.. as if I'm some exception to the rule that I would be treated like a queen..

WACK.

ok now I think this is seriously gay and not the good gay but just fucken annoying and STUPID.
I'm sure some of you may not like my take on it but oh fucken well..

"hehe" GOD THAT IS ANNOYING! WTF IS hehe like your sitting at your computer saying HEHE are you serious? yes LOL & LMFAO is one thing which I always put cuz sometimes I really am laughing my fat ass off.. but hehe? When girls put it ok whatever blah but when guys do it? GAY GAY GAY .. god that is gay.. I do tell them "hehe" seriously? lol.

or wHeN DeY tYpE LyKe Dizzzzzz b0iiiiiiii. How fucken old are you? that is so stupid.. and if your in your late 20's and older.. time to type like a big person.

I've been on the lovely net for over 10 years, when AOL had like 2.1
the whole "look at my pics tell me what you think" dangerous question cuz I will tell you what I think.. I mean the whole "comment my pics" wow you need that much validation? so I have to leave a forced comment?
sounds mean I know, and hella bitchy but I find it annoying.

I .. Like everybody get invited to places & events.. It's when I get asked like literally the night (sometimes not even day) , or the weekend coming up, or blah blah blah shit like that.. and then when I say AWW I'M SORRY I CAN'T MAKE IT BECAUSE.. GEE OH I DUNNO I ALREADY FUCKEN HAVE PLANS TO DO SOMETHING WITH SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY INVITED ME IN A TIMELY MATTER AND NOT LAST MINUTE. It never really amazes me the guilt THEY GIVE ME and attitude like YOUR LETTING THEM DOWN.. LIKE YOUR FUCKEN DISSING THEM..

Of course always exceptions to the rule.. could be shit got moved up, or whatever or really is LAST FUCKEN MINUTE.. cool, totally get that duh shit always changes.. but majority it's like come on.. or B-Day Party's... seriously? you gonna invite me the day before? when you been inviting everyone days or weeks? You have been planning this..and you invite me the day before? like uhhhh I just have nothing to do but to sit around and pray I get an invite requesting my attendance? I think not. Mad bitchy huh? Well I get this shit all the time.. especially to shows .. now thats dope they want me to come.. especially hook me up at the door or drinks or whatever, thats mad cool and I totally appreciate that but it's the guilt they give me like "oh you to good" no nigga.. it's cuz I have shit planned and if I don't even know you.. I ain't gonna predict when to keep a day open incase YOUR ASS is playing... ya dig?

I'm all for listening but shit calm down drama queens!

2008-12-25T13:26:00.000-08:00

Ok now I love giving advice. People come to me all the time randomly for advice mostly on relationships, granted I'm not the perfect person to be giving it! But I make common sense and usually am on point. 95% of the time I am right.

I love that people want to hear my opinion and they trust me with their problems. But.. fuck man it's the ones who like thrive off it? fucken cry babies, I'm not being judgmental or whatever but it's like they ONLY hit me up to tell me how awful things are

-I STRESS I TOTALLY LOVE PEOPLE COMING TO ME FOR ADVICE-

It's the ones who drain the shit out of me.. always with someone new to complain and bitch bitch bitch about. I'm all for hearing people vent trust me but it's so annoying when I get a message with the "whoa is me" victim fucken drama queens, I'm sure some of you know people like this.. shit you could be one of them lol =)~

My life is novela hun, trust, but it's the whole like manipulating you to feel sorry for them, or they kinda throw in some fucken guilt trip like they want that attention.. I guess they just don't know how to get attention other wise? and I get that, I understand that but if your only hitting me up to tell me all the sad and depressing shit that happens to you all the fucken time..

I can pick out negative shit all day everyday.. I'm the first one to bitch and complain.. but I get it now.. either do something about it or shut the fuck up.

I try to think of their side of things, maybe they constantly come to me because I in some way make them feel better? or I could be that 1 person they can come to? maybe they don't have someone to listen to them? I guess my main issue is the WAY they come at me.. it's the whole victime role. I have LOTS of things I could totally play the victim role about.

I'm on 2 medications for Chronic Depression I've had some fucked up horrible shit my whole life, but I am also blessed. So I know what it's like to be in that funk, it's comfortable, but if your gonna come to me ONLY when you want someone to baby you.. THATS IT.. another way to describe it is wanting someone to baby them..

now, after my last novela of a relationship.. I'm very hesitant to give someone that extra "Aww poor baby". I'm just not into it.. I think it's vulnerable for me .. like if they get that attention from me they will constantly use their drama to get that reaction, that emotion from me, I see it as manipulation and I'm not into that shit nor do I tolerate it.

If you want advice or my opinion on anything or if you hit me up from time to time to ask what you should do in the continuing situation no problem by all means hit me up.

I have a couple people, not alot but shit some people who like hit me up with some captain save a hoe shit.. which I don't do. If you want to hit me up with your gonna kill yourself or some drama goodbye message.. hun I'm not the one to stop you.

Sounds mean huh????????? this is just a small few I am venting about.

My Christmas

2008-12-25T11:32:00.000-08:00

I woke up hella early. My mom signed us up to help feed the homeless. I really don't feel comftorable calling them "Homeless". To me that takes away from their value as a person. They all have names, all come from somewhere, all have a story. How they ended up where they are at is something I can't even imagine, The struggles they go through everyday. The mission was in Pasadena, I'm assuming a tad better then in Downtown L.a, I helped volunteer there Thanksgiving of 07. it was crazy.

So my mom dressed all cute and different, and me with my sweater and bomb ass gloves from the 99 cent store THANK YOU VERY MUCH! =)...

We got there early and helped take stuff off the truck. It was pretty hectic. As soon as we got there we were ready to work. A lady gave me a clip board and an assignment. People kept coming up to me .. one sayed I looked official lol! So being a leader by nature I just started directing people, taking over and helping with any questions the people may need. I am very friendly and definitly a people person. I love doing stuff like that. If you ever see me at a show, especially a Psycho Realm or Muggs U.N.I.TY event, Release party I'm either working the door or helping out in some way. I fucken love it. Sometimes Tone (Psycho Realm/Self Sci/Tha Mexakinz) Manager who I work closely with always tells me to just chill and enjoy the night, but this is how I enjoy my night.

So many volunteers came out. Whats funny is my mom who is forever dating and trying to find "the one" apparently signed us up through the "Singles Meetup".. I heard her tell someone, I'm like Singles Meet up? Oh god lol.

People were driving up and dropping off hot food! People were lineing up early and this was all before 10am! I loved it, had lots of fun, A couple dudes were wiling to do whatever I sayed lol, one asked for my number, I sayed sorry sweety I don't date dudes, I wonder if he thought I was lying? either way pretty creepy.. I caught him watching me for a while.

What was really dope is while I am forever on my phone, this dude came up to me started talking to me.. asked if I was on myspace posting messages, I sayed of course, so we started politicin. He was an older black man, we started talking about Hip Hop. He asked me what I thought of jay-z, Game, 50 cent, Snoop.. and of course I gave me outright opinions.. then he asked bout Lil Wayne.. See I don't care if you call that bullshit rap.. but don't fucken dare call it Hip Hop.. Lil Wayne is NOT Hip Hop.. OMG then he asked about NELLY LMAO! I told him what I listen to as the greats and told him about who's dope in the "Underground" He knew his Hip Hop, He told me he saw Public Enemy, Queen Latifah, RUN DMC!, etc.. back in the day.. thats so fucken sick! I thought that was pretty cool, the way his face lighted up when he told me how Flava Flav came out all robot like at one of their shows. dope.

My mom has ALWAYS made it a point to volunteer, I remember being a lil ass girl, probably 5 or 6 going to hospitals passing out candy canes and stuff to the retirement homes, I remember being scared as shit due to the really elderly.. some didn't have familys or long to live. I thank my mom for that because she always had me in something.. always volunteered for everything including animal events.

I don't really have family, I mean of course on both sides, but I can't give them the title of "Family" they have shown me and treated me nothing family like. It's always been me and my mom. My grandmother use to have Christmas and stuff at her house but she died when I was 15. I don't know what it's like to celebrate with family, like chill all day and have fun? I have spent Christmas with my friends family, I have been fortunate to have had people in my life treat me like family, some have come and gone.

Lately I been really making it an effort to be thankful for the simple stuff. I can see, hear, walk, feel, touch & speak. I have nothing to complain about. I look at these people who have lost loved ones, who have lost their jobs, houses, etc.. They are going through some serious shit. I'm also afraid however, to be to thankful in my mind because god forbid something happens to me.

I have the most amazing mother, she loves me like no one else ever would nor could, she supports me in everything I do, always backs me up 100%, never lies nor has ever spoke down to me, will NEVER give up on me.., god she is the best mother possible, I sometimes wish I could be the daughter she truly deserves. Words can't describe nor explain how lucky anyone is to know her, this earth is a better place, she truely does gods work, it's overwhelming for me to speak of all the unique and genuine qualities she has, she has taught me compassion, love and just overall how to be a good person. She is beautiful on the inside out. She is extremely outgoing and friendly, always happy, always the one to go the extra mile for someone, if she sees someone get in a car accident or anything she is right there, if there is any stray ANYWHERE she takes it in. She is the head of the Domestic Violence unit at a sheriff station.. it's not her job, she just loves to volunteer, she talks the talk and always walks the walk. She is so positive and always gives people the benefit of the doubt. always one to give compliments, or help anyone out. She is the definition of the "good person" she dressed up from all era's, she's adorable. I am blessed everyday because I am her daughter, to be half the person she is would be an achievement. It's really a disgrace the bullshit she goes through from when she was little to now. our life is like a soap opera. But I guess things happen for a reason. So as I sit here watching lucy my favorite show ever ever ever, my mom is asleep in the blanket I bought her for christmas =). Christmas is everyday for me.

Here are some pics I took from earlier. I am definitly going to voltuneer every week from now one. It's something that is calling me. I've recently been introduced to Energy Healing, spiritual stuff and my life purpose is in communications, delivering messages, I finally know what I was put on this earth for. People seem to pay attention to what I do and say, I think that's dope and will never abuse that.

My mom =)

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